Thicker darkness lurks around

We were put in trucks and told not to talk too much. I still had not come round to realize that I was now a soldier, a young one forced due to war. I remembered at this moment that I didn't bid Ayo farewell; though, I didn't know that this was the reason for the call. At this juncture, I became confused as a result of what I heard this morning, "Make your life count", did it mean that my days were almost up? I still did not understand what it meant. We were taken to an abandoned building and taught the rudimentary skills of warfare. I saw fear and grief in the eyes of many boys but they could not resist it as a result of affection and responsibility for family.

After about 5 hours of rigorous training, we were taken back to our camps. I saw boys cry to tell their brothers bye. I saw women bless their children to pray for their safe return. I was moved to tears when a boy cried to tell his mother that he was going to miss her. I cried incessantly, remembering that I had lost my mother. At this moment, I thought to myself, what exactly was I fighting for? Was it family or for survival?

I now discovered that the word that I had heard this morning was the voice of my mother, telling me to make my life count. So it was not about anything else but the war; I tried to fight what I heard but I couldn't. I wept for as long as dusk, haven lost my mum and the fear of losing myself and most importantly, my dad losing my mother and I. It bruised my heart to know that I was going to see what war meant like, but I had no choice.

Before total darkness, I heard a boy crying and calling my name, "Uncle Tony", this whole time I didn't know that I was sitting on a broken glass. The moment I got up, I saw blood dripping from my laps and I did go in search of that voice as it sounded like Ayo's. I saw him from a distance and he halted and turned his back to see me. He hurriedly ran to my arms and he cried, saying, "Just take care of yourself, I will miss you". The sincerity in his shaky voice moved me and I replied him saying, "If at all I am to die, I will take time to see you again". He cried, we both cried and shared that moment of love between ourselves.

Towards dawn, I still could not sleep. I watched dry tears on Ayo's cheeks; he cried himself to tears as he could not been consoled. I was bothered, though I tried not to be disturbed. The fear of what was to come was what made me to fret. I had never seen battle with my eyes; I never held a gun until yesterday. The brutality and terror that was in a war was something I had wished not to ever see.

It was already dawn and it was time to go. The soldiers were already going into each tent to herald us all to go. A new set of tears flooded the cheeks of many; though, I held back mine and harked back to what I told Ayo. I marched behind the others, hoping to see Ayo rise to bid him goodbye but he didn't come up. I muttered just one sentence in prayer and that was, "God, keep me and keep Ayo in perfect peace". The prayer was quite contrasting with the present because first of all there was no peace and I was even unsure of my safety but I believed anyways.

We were put in trucks and given guns and we all kept mute. There was a boy that did something quite ridiculous in the truck, he got up and put off his shirt and flagged it saying, "It's once that man dies, we fight for freedom, no mercy". I didn't know whether to chant along or to stay mute. We finally reached the main town, where we saw many corpses lying on the ground. The whole area was drenched in the blood of people, shattered skulls and human parts were all over. I could not but close my eyes as it was too much for me to bear.

As we arrived at a military base, which was the entrance into the city; we were taken in and given food to eat; cold and watery beans. I was too irritated to eat it and I also had no appetite, so I left it on the table and saw another person take it from me to eat.

Not long from then, we were all told to rise and we converged. During the instruction session, a senior military man came to tell us that the terrorists were on their way and would be here anytime soon. We were arranged into teams and tactically matched up; fear was all over the atmosphere but we all tried to keep it down.

The terrorists came in their numbers, about 25 trucks, one which carried no less than 20 men. At that very moment, I saw the brutal faces of the terrorist. They parked and called on the most senior army officer to come. I guess they told him that if he gives them access to the town, that they were going to spare us all. He confidently rejected their offer and signalled to us to be ready. Anger was all over the terrorist's expression and as such, they started to shoot in the air intermittently before approaching us.

Within a few minutes to the battle, a number of casualties of about 100 people were lying helpless on the floor. Some had lost their hands, their legs and many were already dead. The battle was on for more than an hour when we heard the vehicles of the terrorist start, so they retreated signifying that they were going to be back. After they had gone, the soldiers who were still breathing were taken to a room, the handicapped were all carried. Some were carried on stretchers, others by people but to the same place.

There was no doctor though, as the last one was shot during the last attack. And as such, many were going to die, if not all; cause they all sustained several injuries and were bleeding seriously. I then thought to myself, "Was this worth dying for?" I remembered my dad at that moment and hoped that he wasn't dead wherever he was. At dusk, we returned to the camp and there was a shuffled arrangement. Some of us were to be left at the camp to take care of things there. I was not among them and this saddened me to realize that I was to be at the battle front.

I didn't see Ayo and I did not bother to go in search of him because I did not want to see him cry this night again. I had not slept in two days now, so I forced myself to sleep later that night after writing into the book.