We Even Thought You Were Dead

“And where have you been,”

Cheska was stopped from returning to her room by someone else’s stern voice from the living room.

She looked in its direction with her furrowed brows, confused on why she’s hearing his voice.

“…older sister?”

Joshua is right there, sitting while his arms and legs are crossed. It’s almost past midnight so Cheska isn’t expecting someone waiting for her.

And most importantly, she wasn’t expecting to see him right now. Then she remembered, she was notified by him that he is coming in a few days.

What she didn’t know is the exact date of his arrival.

"When did you come?” she calmly asked as if she had done nothing rebellious.

He looked at his watch. “Two hours ago, perhaps? Answer my question now.”

She went down the stairs and started to walk to where he is. His brows furrowed.

“What’s with the get-up?”

“Please don’t tell this to mother,” that’s the first thing she said after sitting beside him.

“I won’t,” he firmly said. “But I need an explanation to this, sister…”

“Alright fine,” she took a couple of deep breaths first before speaking. “I have this frie—classmates. They’re asking for my help so I accepted it. I don’t want to turn blind and deaf when someone is asking for my help. So…”

“Where did you go? That’s my question.”

“Casino—” she paused midway when she saw how Joshua’s brow arched. “I helped them to play poker. They’re overage so I’m fine. I’m perfectly fine! See? I’m alive!”

“You should have at least told me. Casino is a different place.”

“I know…I just didn’t have enough time to speak about it. I was supposed to tell it to you once you’re finally here.”

Joshua fell silent for a while, looking in a different direction. Later on, he giggled. “Now that explains why you’re wearing that outfit. I assume that’s mom’s. You don’t like dresses. So you’re a party—no, casino girl now?”

She rolled her eyes. She leaned and closed her eyes. Perhaps a minute of rest while talking to her brother is fine.

“With all due respect, little brother, you’re younger than be. Supposedly, you should be out there having friends and partying. Not minding our company business,” she said patently. “Or you just don’t want the same thing to happen again?”

She heard him sigh.

“You know I can’t do that. Someone has to be a father to this family.”

It made her smile. She hates the side of his brother at the same time she loves it.

She always hates how she acts like the oldest one to her. He’s just so mature compare to his age which is sixteen.

And occasionally, she loves it. If not because of that personality of his, their mom might still be having a hard time from their loss.

Joshua only replaced himself to the limbs that were lost when their father died. As the youngest, she respects him so much for that.

He grew up well.

“I let you rest now,” she felt him leaving his seat. “I’ll take a rest as well. The trip was long and tiring. Thank heavens…I’ll finally be able to sleep on my bed...”

He only looked at her sister, waiting for her response.

Thinking she’s already asleep, he walked away to get a comforter to cover her from the cold wind of night but before reaching the stairs, she suddenly spoke.

“I felt it. Again.”

He stopped.

“The same feeling I felt before,” she opened her eyes, staring at the chandelier. “Obsession…desire…excitement…the difference is I wasn’t mad so it didn’t happen.”

He darted his gaze to her, still at the feet of the stairs. She’s just caressing her forehead, recalling what happened earlier.

“There was a fight but I wasn’t originally part of it—but they got me involved. He threw a dagger to me…it hit my cheeks—it’s just a scratch so there’s nothing to be worried about…”

He didn’t notice that one. The lights aren’t turned on and the moonlight is the only thing that’s helping them to see each other.

“The fight was so overwhelming. So exciting. So exhilarating. I’ve never seen that kind of fight before. My heart pounded. What I felt was completely contrary to what I felt that day,” she sat properly and looked into his eyes. “The day when you got into a fight.”

He remembers what happened that day. He was still studying at that time.

He’s at the same school as Cheska. He doesn’t fight back. He doesn’t want to unless it’s needed badly.

And that time, he doesn’t feel like he needs to fight back. If he does that, it won’t turn out good.

So he let them punch him, kick him. He let them do whatever they want to him.

He thought it would be over soon not until Cheska saw the situation. She got so mad. Really mad.

She’s the one who fought back for him. She protected him. She turned the tables. The bullies were in the worst situation compare to him.

She was like a walking fire that he couldn’t touch. She’s like a mad lion.

And when he looked into her eyes, he saw something strange and magical. He almost didn’t recognize his own sister that day.

'Til then, Cheska believes that her brother hates schools because of that incident. She thought he was traumatized by it.

Little did she know, that is not the case.

“Anger is what I felt that day but this fight, since it’s not one-sided, it felt so…amazing,” she went on as if she’s talking about something remarkable that she hasn’t seen before. “Two daggers were thrown to my place. I failed to dodge the first one because I didn’t see it coming but the next one, I caught it.”

What happened after the fight struck her mind like a lightning bolt.

It was the time when they’re about to leave when they’re walking in the parking lot.

Before going inside his car, Lorenzo asked how she did what she did. She doesn’t even know how so she failed to give any answers.

Until his friends joined the crew and asked her more complicated questions. She had no choice but to give them an answer she could think of.

“I knew he’s going to throw another dagger. I heard him. I felt it coming to me even I wasn’t looking and after that, it suddenly moved. My body suddenly moved.”

“Then how could you throw a dagger like that? You didn't even aim for him. It’s obvious, you missed the vital parts purposely. You only went after his knees. Was it because of the rule? Who touches the floor first is the winner?”

“I think so?” she shrugged to Ralph’s question. “It’s obvious. If I go after his knees, he wouldn’t be able to stand up. He’ll lose his balance. I don’t know about the throw either. I know nothing. I just simply let it escape from my hands and that’s it. And I did not aim because I see no reason to do so. I already know where exactly he is, his direction, and his angle."

A smile formed on her lips. At first glance, anyone would think she’s in love or someone is giving her butterflies in her stomach. Even Joshua would think like that if he’s not only hearing Cheska’s story now.

“I feel like myself at that time. I want to do it again. It’s like a drug, Joshua,” she stared at her hands. She could still feel the dagger on it. “The coldness of that blade felt so good in my hands. It’s so beautiful.”

She looked up, not sure if Joshua is listening since he’s still hasn’t said any word.

But he’s always like that. He’s always silent whenever she tells him something about what’s going on inside her mind and heart, whenever she simply tells him what she truly feels.

She loves it. There's no judgment.

That’s why she prefers to tell everything to Joshua. It’s not like she doesn’t trust her mom at all.

It just that…when she tells her mother about something since she is so protective of her, the storytelling often ends up in a long discipline speech.

“You can rest now,” she stood up and went to him. “I learned a lot from a week of studying at that university. I’ll tell it to you later.”

She went past him and was the first one to go up. And seconds later, Joshua did the same thing.

Later, even if it’s Monday, they don’t have any classes. It’s the ‘normal’ schedule at the university. That is why every week, they only wake up so early four times.

She loves that idea. She hates Mondays.

Cheska flinched when two large doors suddenly appeared in front of her.

She looked around, no one’s around. No single soul is around.

She’s not sure where she is but it looks like a mansion. Why is she there? How did she end up there?

Her gaze returned to the door. She heard random chattering from the opposite side of it.

She gently pushed it and the brilliant light from the inside made her eyes closed for a second. When she finally recovered from the brilliance, a bunch of people started to show in front of her.

She can tell they’re family, a big family. They’re getting ready for a feast. The table is too long to which she can tell it’s not only four to three people who will be eating there.

They are laughing. They’re so happy. She can tell it from their smiles, from their faces.

It made her wonder. Are they all eating together? Like…all of the people she’s seeing?

She thought some of them are maids. The interior seems expensive yet…there are the ones who are organizing the feast.

They’re helping the maids—they are not letting them move alone. They’re lending them their hands.

“Lady!”

She turned her gaze to the woman looking at her with furrowed brows. It’s older than her.

She’s like at the same age as her mother’s. She instantly received a soft strike when she got close to her.

She only looked at her, confused.

“Who are—”

“I have been looking for you! We’re all looking for you! Where have you been?”

Her mouth gaped. She doesn’t know how to answer that one.

“Cheska?”

Her eyes darted next to the guy who is now walking to her place. Her eyes widened, realizing who it is.

“...Lorenzo?”

“What? You look surprised.” he chuckled. “I’ve been looking for you. This place is so big. You are so hard to find.”

Her eyes narrowed, observing him. He’s completely a different person. He is talking as if they’re close.

But those chuckles, those smiles…that's what she saw when she went inside the maze.

Why is he in front of her? And who’s the woman in front of her? Where is she? And who are the other people?

Nothing is making any sense.

Later on, she finally realized it.

“I’m dreaming…”

“Dreaming?” the woman asked. “If you’re dreaming then wake up now, lady, and go back to your senses! We’ve been looking for you for so long. We should start now!”

“Start—"

She failed to protest when she was pulled by her to the table and made her sit in one certain seat—it’s not so far from the seat in the middle.

She’s getting more confused about the events. She might be dreaming but she feels strange because it feels so real.

The dream feels real. It's like she has been there before.

“Finally, you’re here,” said the girl in front of her, resting the chin on her palms. “We were looking for you everywhere but we couldn’t find you.”

One guy from not so far chuckled. Her eyebrows raised in surprise. Things are getting weirder.

It’s Lorenzo’s friend, the one they call Kenneth.

“She’s so good at hiding that no one could ever find her unless she shows herself. I experienced it myself,” the smile never disappeared from his lips. He looked at her with relief. “But that’s fine now, right? She’s finally here."

Even Kenneth is acting strange. Like Lorenzo, he’s talking as if they’re close. He didn’t even look at and talk to her properly last night but now? She really is dreaming huh?

“Why are you all,” she paused for a while. “looking for me?”

“Huh? What do you mean by ‘why’?” the girl sat properly, brows are knitted. “You were gone for so long! We even thought you were dead!”