*14*

Every person in this world has had this one moment when they just want to hide in a corner and cease to exist. I was having the exact same moment. Head, that felt like someone else's, eyes that were doing extra work to fight the morning sun rays, and most importantly Sam who was squealing like a banshee.

“Would you mind if I asked you to just get lost?” My voice squeaked. I felt horrible, if this was the effect of drinking then I was pretty much sure, last night would be the last time that I’ve had alcohol.

“I would have, if I was not interested in your love life!”,Sam snorted. “But as you know, I am too much invested in your story.I have to know, how does it feel!”

Here she started once again!

“What feeling are you actually talking about?” Removing the cover, I sat up only to catch the sight of my dress. Clearly I was too drunk to change and go to bed.

“Don't tell me that you don't remember!” Sam almost jumped on my bed, and scrutinised my face with a peculiar expression. “You don't, right?”

The way she whispered, and the way she was looking at me, I was sure I had done something horrible, but what! “I mean . . . I . . .what are you talking about?”

She folded her hands in front of her in a manner that said, “You are hopeless!” “You bloody kissed Shravan, and forgot!!”

. . . What!

“What are you saying?” I was suddenly aware of my hands, which turned clammy and cold, “Tell me, this is one of your sick jokes!” I was amazed by the fact that I was still able to form proper sentences,and my voice didn't quiver.

Sam paused, opening her mouth and closing again, “God! This changes everything! Poor Shravan!”

Of course!

“See Sam, I really don't remember anything, and if you . . . If what you are saying is true then . . . I have no idea what to say and what to do. But . . . How do you know? Did Shravan tell you this?”

I had to ask her, if Shravan had told this to Sam,then it must be true. Lying was something he always hated. And he would never lie about something like this. But did I . . . really kiss him? But why?

“Are you serious? Shravan? He would never say a word about this. Don't you know him? Even if you strip in front of him, he would never tell that to a single soul. He loves you Suman, don't forget that”,she huffed. “Everyone is talking about this. They saw you and Shravan together, you were in his arms and of course, . . . You . . .”

Sam couldn't complete her sentence, when Ranjini, one of our classmates barged into the room, “Suman . . . It’s Shravan . . . Come fast or he is going to kill that Abhinav.” And she turned and ran back.

▪▪▪

PEOPLE, all I could see were-people. Sam and I ran towards them,but when we reached nearer to that crowd, what unnerved me was the silence. So many people around, mostly our classmates but everyone just stood there holding their breaths, and I instantly knew, something was wrong. . . very very wrong.

Sam suddenly pushed a boy “Excuse us . . .” And very smoothly all the eyes that were present there turned upon us and every single person who was standing before us, parted in a way, as if they were waiting for us to reach.

“What is happening here?” Sam murmured,and then I saw him . . . SHRAVAN. He was there, his arm wrapped very oddly around Abhinav's neck and holding him up as he kept thrusting horrible knee shots into his mid-section. Abhinav’s face had turned completely blue, mostly because of bruises, but the way he was gasping for breath, it was clear if something wouldn’t be done immediately then . . .

“He will kill him, do something!” Sam snapped at me, “I wonder what these idiots are doing, why aren't they stopping him!” She pushed me and I almost landed in the middle of the circle,that the crowd had formed while circling Shravan and Abhinav. I looked around, every person present there was looking at me, pleading. I could see some of the boys’ bruised faces, clearly they tried to stop Shravan. Of course, that’s why everyone is standing here doing nothing . . . A loud crack and everyone gasped . . .

“Shravan?” all I could manage was just a whisper of his name.

“Move . . . Move aside . . .” One of our teachers came running into the circle, two policemen on his tail, “Look at this boy . . .” The policemen somehow managed to grab Shravan's both hands, and pulled him far from Abhinav, who slowly plopped down with a soft thud. And then only Shravan's eyes fell upon me, and he stopped his struggle to free himself from the iron grips of the policemen.

I just kept looking at him . . . It felt a bit robotic, I could see everything but not feel. But something snapped inside me, when one of the policemen said, “We need to arrest this one. And we want, some of you to come with us and file a proper report as witnesses.” Some of the boys looked excited, as they agreed, and some of the others ran towards the ambulance that had arrived for Abhinav.

“What are you going to do now?” Sam nudged me, and I looked at her blankly, “you need to know Suman, Raj just told me, Abhinav did say certain things about you, and that had blown Shravan’s lid off, though I don't support what he had done, but . . .”

“You support him.” I could feel my lips moving loosely, “and you support him for almost killing a boy just because he had said something bad about me?” My temples throbbed badly, as if my head was going to explode, “This is just ridiculous . . . An absolute ridiculousness . . . But what should I expect, he himself admitted he is not normal, he has this . . . No wonder he . . .” I stopped looking at Sam's face, she looked somehow horrified, I looked around, Shravan was standing just behind me, he was standing so close, that I instinctively took a step back.

I was afraid of him.

“I myself admitted that I am not normal, didn't I?” And I had never seen his eyes this cold. Shravan's eyes were the only gateway to his soul, but today I saw nothing, it’s like our connection had broken. “You don't even want to know what happened . . . Right?” He was struggling to keep his voice steady. He knew this was the day, that would decide his future. He had taken a huge risk, “you don't want to? Because you think I am abnormal, right?”

I stay rooted there like an utter idiot. “Whatever may be the reason, you cannot go and kill someone . . . Shravan, what were you thinking? What are you going to do . . . What about your future . . .”

“Why do you always think about the future, why do you always ask the wrong questions?” The exhaustion was clear in his voice, shoulders dropped, he looked like he had lost a big battle. “They have called my father. They are not going to arrest me, I mean, they won't put me behind the bars.” The crowd around us had thinned a bit losing interest in our hushed conversation, Sam also was very engrossed in talking to Raj, who was describing every single detail of the fight.

“That's good at least . . .but . . .” Shravan waved his hand, he was agitated again.

“I need to know something Suman. Do you remember anything about last night?” For a millisecond his eyes fluttered. Shravan's voice was loud enough to capture all the strayed attention. Everyone who was nearer to us looked at me, expecting my answer. Clearly, they want to know too.

“I . . . I . . . Shravan . . .” I looked down at my toes, “I remember nothing.” With that I heard a gasp, I looked up, Sam was standing there, looking disappointed, every single person present there looked at me as if accusing me silently. Some looked stunned, some looked humiliated,while some rolled their eyes, saying of course.

“Why can't you say the truth?” Shravan whispered, “Why can't you accept . . . What's stopping you?” With sudden strength he held my shoulders and shook me, as if that was the way to make me feel his desperation, “Why can't you see . . . Suman, my whole future is at stake, for what? Why can't you . . .”

Only if he knew . . .

“I never asked you to go and kill someone. . . It was you. And I don't remember anything, because I was drunk. Yes, Sam told me this morning, I am really sorry for that . . .for that . . . embarrassment. I wouldn't have done that if I wasn't drunk.” It took me a breath to finish everything. I didn't dare to look at him, but the way his hands let my shoulders go, I knew I lost him forever.

“Embarrassment it was, lovely.” He sighed,”this is what I wanted to know.” With that, he slowly retreated towards the policemen.

▪▪▪

We were packing our bags silently. Sam was so disheartened that she refused to talk to me, she just said she was highly disappointed. Every single girl who was present in the hostel kept a safe distance from me, knowing I practically ruined Shravan's life. Some of them even gushed over how Shravan fought to keep his love's respect and how a girl, selfish like me just turned my face away when he needed me the most. The day passed at the snail's pace, all I could hear was silence around me.

But the most tormenting thing was this nagging feeling in my heart, I wanted to hear his voice, I wanted to know whether he is okay, I wanted to know where was he, what did the police do, or what did his father say! But again I couldn't brace myself to call on his number when I knew he must be hating me. I was the one who ruined his life, his career, his future. For a selfish girl like me,he had jeopardised his everything.

Now that he wasn't here, now when I knew that we would never meet again, never talk again . . . The saddest truth hit me like a mad bull, that I have fallen madly in love with what can never be.

*

Next morning, when everyone was ready to leave, the silence of my room was broken with a loud shrill, flashing an unknown number on my phone's screen.

“Hello . . .”

“Suman, beta?” Nani! The last person I was hoping to have called me at this time, “How are you beta?” I almost dropped my phone. She was clearly aware of what I had done to her grandson, and I was sure, that's the reason, why she had called me. For a second a tiny hope nudged me from inside, Is Shravan there with her? Is he the one who asked her to call me?

“Nani . . .” I didn't know when my vision turned blurry “I am . . .”

“I understand Suman, it's not easy. I know I shouldn't have called you, but I didn't want you to do the same mistake what I did years ago.” She sighed loudly, “don't worry, Shravan is not with me right now. He doesn't know.”

“Nani, I know it's my fault. Trust me, now that I don't have him in my life, I understand, what I have done is not right. Together we had planned so much, we missed out our campus interviews deliberately as we wanted to do MBA . . . But Nani, I don't know how it . . .”

“I understand Suman, I understand. I just want him to be happy. He has seen a lot, his father is here, taking him away from here.” She whispered.

“Taking him away? Where is he going?”

“Illinois. Shravan's uncle lives there.” She paused for a second, then she continued in a hushed voice, “I cant talk to you much, bass they will be leaving in an hour. You have exactly forty minutes to go there,to his hostel room and amend things. Don't wait Suman, trust me you won’t be able to forgive yourself if you wouldn't try. I know this, I have been there, trust me life will go on, but this feeling will never. Just hurry up.” And she cut the call.

I sat on my bed, holding my phone to my ears, “You must go Suman.” I looked up, Sam was there standing beside her own bed. “You are getting another chance, not everyone does have the same luck. Just go and tell him.”

“What if he doesn't want to see me?!”

“For that you need to run.” She laughed, “just go . . .” She hugged me and took my phone away.

And I ran. Through the corridors, the stairs. I was excited, that I still had the chance to amend everything, I was happy that even after I had humiliated him in front of everyone, he told his Nani about this incident, I secretly hoped it was because, he knew Nani would definitely call me. I was at the gate of our hostel building, few more blocks and I'll be there with him.

I was smiling, looking at people's amused expression seeing me like this. But I didn't care. I ran with all my might. “Shravan Malhotra . . . I need to see him . . . Room number 12C. Please! I need to see him.” I huffed at the watchman,while my uneven breath made it difficult to speak.

“Shravan... he just left.” He said in his bored voice. I tried to find my phone in Jeans’ pocket, realising it's not there, I cursed loudly. Sam took it from me. Idiot.

And I ran again, if he had left just now, he wouldn't have reached the main gate yet. All I had to do was take the short cut.

I was almost at the main gate, I could see his car speeding away, “Shravan . . .” I shouted, waving my hand, wishing he would just see me in the car's rear view mirror, “Shrav . . .” I couldn't finish what I started, as something hit me hard, and I landed on my shoulder, my head hit with something metallic and all I could feel was the greasy red liquid coming down on my face, “Shravan . . .” Oh my gods and gasps were all that I heard and the world turned black.

The End of part 1

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