| Journey of No Return (Part I)

By the time Soo-Ah recovered enough to scream and kick at the soldier, trying to escape, they were far from the old general's war camp. Safe enough for him to take her by the shoulders and shake some sense into her. "Look! Do you see the red light on the horizon? What do you think that is, Soldier? Dawn? It's too early for that and the wrong direction anyway. We went around to avoid being spotted. The camp is gone. I do hope General Sung-Ho is getting out of this alive."

"You don't understand! My grandfather! I was supposed to go back for him." Soo-Ah argued, visibly shaken.

"I know he was able to escape. My general is a capable man. He led everyone to safety, for sure."

"Your general is a piece of crap! My grandfather is General Min-Jun." Soo-Ah emphasised, watching the soldier succumb to disbelief. "He was ill and bedridden. He could have not run away, not without a horse," she spurted in anger then shouted. "I was supposed to bring him the damned horse!"

The realization that her grandfather could be dead started to creep up on her. Fury for being too incompetent to save him made her flesh stiffen. She had failed to save her saviour. She could not stand up for him and save his life. She did not have enough muscle power to put on a fight. She, together with this man in front of her and that lousy general. They were all to blame for her dear grandfather's death.

In her rage, Soo-Ah was ready to tear to pieces the soldier in front of her. She launched at him with her fists in the air, but all she managed to do was fall to the ground since the soldier stepped out of the way. She crumpled in wailing for her lost dear one as the soldier kneeled near and attempted to console her.

He felt empathy for what he knew to be a young comrade grieving his loss, remembering how he felt when he lost his sick mother despite all his efforts to save her. "I am sorry you lost your grandfather. We have all lost a fellow soldier. Every death has a heavy toll on each of us. I know it's not easy." He said a silent prayer for the old general he had heard so many stories about.

"We left him behind! We just left him behind to save ourselves." Soo-Ah shouted at his face and gave herself away to sobbing uncontrollably.

"We could not risk going back and losing our lives. We need to stay alive to fight another day. We will avenge all their deaths. Death to those greedy invaders!" gritted through his teeth the soldier.

Death to you too, coward! thought to herself Soo-Ah, glaring with contempt at her young companion. Looking at him closely she realized she had no chance to win in close combat. He stood almost six Cheok units tall and had a heavy build. If it were not for his kind hazel eyes, you would have thought him to be a killing machine.

When daylight came, they were well on their way towards General Sung-Ho's camp. They still had some distance to go, probably arriving there the next day before sunset. The one horse was not moving any faster having to carry two people. So, they had to take turns riding to allow the animal some respite.

With no place to go back to, there was only going forward on a journey of no return. Inertia was what was moving Soo-Ah onward. Inertia and apathy. From time to time, she would need to stop and sob, remembering something about her grandfather. She had to drag her feet to keep going because her conscience and her heart screamed at her to go the other way.

Travelling for longer distances was never something she was fond of but this time she began to feel worse, plagued by nausea and a familiar belly ache. "We need to make a stop. I must go pass water," said Soo-Ah, uneasy to share more with the man.

"Good idea. I needed to go take a piss also. Let's go together." the hefty soldier said, pulling the reins and stopping the horse.

"No!" came Soo-Ah's sudden and urgent response. She continued hastily, seeing his puzzled expression and realizing her reaction might sound ridiculous. "I mean... I'm feeling constipated. We need to go separately." Talking about ridiculous; the realization of what she just said made her blush. But she commended herself with a single thought: Good thinking Soo-Ah. No point in feeling embarrassed now. Think of what you got yourself out of.

Her explanation left the soldier with a funny expression on his face. As if he was relieved that he managed to avoid that shared experience, yet not so relieved having to hear the details.

There was not a lot of vegetation around. Soo-Ah had to go to some trouble to find a spot well hidden from her companion. Out of the man's line of sight, she took off her trousers. She had a suspicion, but she fervently prayed to the gods that she was wrong. However, the gods were not listening.

Her monthly bleeding must have started the other night. Having her period while pretending to be a man was no fun. Besides the discomfort, she always had to be extra careful cleaning and disposing of her rags. That was difficult in the camp. Now, being close to someone, it was close to impossible. She thought herself lucky her period only lasted two or three days. Now, all she wanted to do was to curse at her condition as a woman.

She took some leaves and ripped out part of the bandages that kept her chest hidden, hoping it would be enough to hide the bleeding until their next stop. Soo-Ah re-joined the soldier just about when he began to worry for her wellbeing.

The man sighed in relief because he dreaded the possibility of going to look for his companion. They continued their journey, uneventfully, until they stopped and prepared for the night.

Soo-Ah kept her interactions to a minimum, feeling a lot more anxious standing closer to the man in her delicate condition. Sitting near the fire after she ate some rations, she became more and more drowsy. The long road and her emotional state took a big toll on her. An uneasy thought kept circling her mind and made her look each time at her companion. There was some distance between them, but Soo-Ah kept checking the man's expression for clues he was onto her. Every time she found him unbothered, she relaxed a little bit more. Slowly her eyelids grew heavy. She knew there was something she needed to do before going to sleep but fatigue took the big prize and sent her snoring until morning.

With the rays of the sunrise dancing on her closed eyelids, Soo-Ah suddenly woke up with the strange sensation she'd forgotten something. By this time her companion was already awake and preparing the horse for the final leg of their journey while amusingly glancing over at her sleeping face.

Soo-Ah was dizzy from standing up so suddenly when the realization struck her. The previous night she had to check the lining under her pants before going to sleep. She had forgotten entirely. Now, she needed to find another excuse to hurriedly take care of her business.

"I will be right back. You know, morning calls..." she began to say instead of a good morning greeting when the soldier's expression stopped her mid-sentence.

With his eyebrows furrowed in concern, the man asked while pointing at her legs. "Are you injured? There is blood!"

Following the soldier's stare and his pointing finger, Soo-Ah looked down in shock and muttered, "Blood!? Where?"

"Your legs! How? You were injured and never said anything! Let me see!" Genuinely worried, the soldier approached her, willing to help.

"No! It's nothing! Just a scratch!" came Soo-Ah's panicked response while trying to avoid him.

They were now going around the extinguished hearth, in a comedic chase. The soldier tried to catch her while she was hastening her steps to keep away from him.

"Don't be a fool!" he said in frustration. "You can get a fever from that wound and die."

"Trust me. I'm fine. All I need is to go and take a leak!"

"What are you talking about? Are you delirious from the fever?"

"Let me be!" Soo-Ah screamed, speeding up her pace, terrified by his relentless pursuit around the extinguished campfire.

"Why? Why is there blood on your pants?" Otho demanded, pointing to her legs, acting confused. A step of his might count as two steps of hers when he dashed to grab her, getting dangerously close. "Let me see, soldier. Stand still and let me see."

"Never!" screeched Soo-Ah, contorting and barely avoiding his hold, her veins slowly turning to ice.

"Why are you avoiding me? Are you...? That blood –" Realization dawned on his face. "Are you a woman?" he asked in disbelief, darting again to take a hold of her, securing only the sleeve of her tunic. Enough to pull her closer. "Stop fighting me. I need to check on you," and he

cursed through gritted teeth.

Murder might have been written on Soo-Ah's face. She struggled to set herself free with all her might but lost her balance, taking Otho down with her. Trying to break their fall, he ended up on top of her, pinning her to the ground under his brawny body, metal clanging from armor pressed against armor. The spark of an idea glimmered in his eyes, the embers of her terror igniting.

The familiar daggers piercing under her navel from inside, the sticky wetness snaking down her thighs, the very source of her womanhood denatured into her demise. All she could do was writhe, spit, and scream death threats at Otho's face. The only power she had left, was hate and words.

The soldier tried to keep both of her wrists fastened under his left hand. His right was brushing against her armour plates, down to her waist, with the clear intent to take off her pants. He felt the need to satisfy his curiosity and ease his concern. But Soo-Ah was struggling too much, and he could not reach down.