What to Do

Breaking it off with Brian was the worst mistake of my life. I haven't slept a full 8 hours, hell I probably haven't slept more than 5 hours in what feels like forever, I don't eat much unless someone makes me, my nightmares are much more frequent, adding to my restlessness, and I miss him more than anything. I just want him back, I don't care about getting hurt, I just want to be happy again.

It's been three months since I broke it off with Brian. From that day on he stopped calling, he stopped texting. He gave up. No more 'Can we talk about it?' or 'Are you okay?' Nothing. I would've too, honestly, if the person you love the most was pushing you away.

A rumor has been going around that he has a girlfriend that goes to a different school. I've seen pictures of her and she's so much prettier than me. I hate how he can tell me how much he loves me, but then get a f****** rebound. It's not right, but I'm the one who broke it off. He has the right to move on as much as it hurts.

"Are you okay?" Julie asks.

"Yeah, I'm just thinking."

"About him?"

"No," I lie.

"You don't have to lie. You're not okay anymore."

"Then why ask me if I'm okay?" I ask, tears threatening to fall from my eyes.

"Okay. Tara, you need him. You need Brian. You might be scared about getting hurt, but you need him. I'm tired of watching you starve yourself and you look like you haven't slept in years. You need him now."

"But... I thought you hate him."

"I do, but I saw how you guys looked at each other sometimes, and I think that you guys need to be together. Doesn't matter if I don't like him."

"What about his girlfriend?"

"Pssh. If he wants you, he'll dump her a**. Pretty sure he'll take you back. He loves you." I smile, but it quickly fades.

"I don't know what to do..." She rolls her eyes and grabs my shoulders.

"Go to him. Go to his f****** house right now." How? It's raining.

"It's raining, Julie."

"I'll drive you." We hop off the couch and I grab my umbrella before walking to her car. We get in and she tries to start it but it won't start. She tries again and it still won't work.

"G**damn piece of s***!!" She yells.

"It's okay, Julie. I'm going." By now, I feel adrenaline pumping through my veins and I just jump out of the car and run. I leave the umbrella, I have no patience for it. I run as fast as I can to Brian's house.

~

When I'm there, I knock on the door. He opens it and I see the surprise on his face.

"Tara? Why are you here? You're gonna catch a cold or something," he says while pulling me inside. He closes the door and leaves to get me a towel. He comes back with the towel and I sit on the couch while he wraps it around me.

"I just needed to talk to you," I say, lifelessly.

"Well what if I don't want to talk to you?" he says, coldly. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

"This can't wait any longer and I wanted to see you, whether you want to see me or not. Listen, I know that you're going to hate me even more than you already do for this, but I can't just keep it the way it is. I felt like crap ever since I left you. I shouldn't have done it."

"I felt like crap too, but I moved on," he says, looking down at his feet.

"I know that you moved on with a new girlfriend and all that, but I just want to say that I'm sorry for everything." He looks at me and gives me a hateful smile.

"That's all? You're sorry?" He chuckles a little bit, making my eyes start to well up with tears.

"Do you know how much I loved you? I tried to make it work, I really did. I knew you felt uncomfortable for me to have feelings for you, that's why I tried not to let it interfere. But it wasn't enough. I never know what you even want. Especially some days before you broke it off, I could never figure out if you really wanted me or not. You probably only came back because you got jealous that I have a girlfriend. And now you're here, but only to say sorry. You didn't have to come back at all if that's all you're going to say." I try my hardest to not start bawling my eyes out from everything he's saying.

"I wasn't just going to say sorry. I didn't come to just say sorry. When I broke it off with you, I already had feelings for you."

"Bullshit."

"So you're telling me you never saw the way I looked at you? You're telling me you never saw me trying not to smile when you looked at me? You're telling me that you never noticed the way I kissed you before one of us would leave? It was written all over my forehead, Brian. And I should've just f****** told you that I love you. I didn't say anything because I was too scared to get myself hurt. I thought that when you were done with me, you'd just throw me away like you didn't mean everything you said about loving me. I love you... I had my chance to be with you instead, but I blew it. And I know you obviously hate me so much for hurting you so badly and telling you this now when you're already with someone else. I just wish I had told you instead of leaving. It took so much to leave." I feel my tears fall down my face and I look away, not wanting him to see me like this again.

"Tara," he calls and I look in his direction, trying to avoid eye contact and wiping my tears.

"I'm sorry, this was a mistake. I shouldn't have come if I was going to make you even angrier at me," I say before standing up to leave. He grabs my arm before I can leave and gently pulls me to stand in front of him.

"Don't leave me again, Tara. Please. I'm sorry..." This time when I look at him, his facial expression has turned soft.

"I love you, too, baby. I love you so much." he says, making my eyes widen at the words.

"I never got over you. I tried, so I got a girlfriend. But she really meant s*** to me, honestly. I wasn't happy, but I wanted to get over you so badly. I never actually liked her or anything. It's just something about you. When I'm with her or any other girl, I don't feel s***. But even just looking at you, I want you," he says as he takes a step closer. I shake my head, knowing what he's about to do.

"Brian-" He cuts me off with a kiss. It wasn't his kiss of lust, it was passion and longing. A kiss that I've wanted for a while. I back away, trying not to give in so easily.

"What about your girlfriend?" I say with more tears falling from my eyes.

"I'll break up with her," he says while pulling me to him by my waist.

"You can't just do that to her," I say, trying to get out of his hold, but he won't move.

"I've waited long enough to have you again. Try me," he says before kissing me again. This time I give in, knowing how stubborn he is. Even if I fought back, he would find a way to make me his. He always does, even when I didn't love him.

"I missed you so much," he mutters. My arms and legs wrap around him while he picks me up and carries me to his room, not separating his lips from mine. When we get to his room he sits at the foot of his bed, letting me straddle him while taking his shirt off and kissing me again right after. He lays me down and I take off my rain-soaked clothes as he takes his shorts off, along with his boxers. He then kisses up my body and places more on my neck.

"We really shouldn't," I say, nervously. I honestly feel really guilty about this, but I can't stop. I'm losing all control and he knows it. I always give into him no matter what and I hate it, but I love it. He grabs a condom from his nightstand and rolls it on.

"Let me love you," he says before pulling my leg around his waist as he enters me. His thrusts are slow, but hard and deep. He sucks and nips at my neck. I can feel every bit of emotion he's ever felt towards me as he fills me up completely. And soon he picks up the pace, but it's still passionate. He kisses me slowly and with a quick, soft bite on my lip, he starts to pound into me, not being able to take it anymore. I moan in pleasure against his lips as I feel his thrusts get erratic.

"I'm so close..."

He rubs my c***, sparking my release. After a few more thrusts, he releases into the condom and freezes, not moving, just breathing heavily.

"I love you," I whisper. I'm not letting him go ever again.

"I love you, too. Always," he says, connecting our foreheads. He finally pulls out and tosses the condom in the trash. He joins me under the covers and kisses me. I frown.

"What's up, sweetheart?" He asks, caressing my face with his hand.

"You know I feel bad about what we just did, right?"

"Nah, it doesn't seem like it at all." Oh, my sarcastic Brian. I try to hide my smile but he's not buying it.

"That wasn't funny," I say, not being able to stop giggling. He props himself up over me and presses his ear against my chest.

"Then what am I hearing? Where's that noise coming from? Am I hallucinating?" Every time he asks a question, it gets harder for me to stop laughing. He smiles and I wrap my arms around his neck.

"I love it when you smile. I don't want you to stop smiling. You're beautiful," he says, sweeping some of my hair to the side. He places a soft kiss on my lips.

"Brian, what are you going to do about her? Seriously."

"Don't worry about her, baby. I'll take care of it." I sigh as he lays back down, hugging my waist and kissing my shoulder. We stay in silence for a long time, saying nothing, just the sounds of our steadying breathing can be heard.

I hear a knock at the front door and I don't sweat it too much because this always happened, so whatever. But we quickly put on our clothes anyway and he goes to get the door. The door opens to reveal his girlfriend.