18. Reason

They talked about Diana's problem at the end of dinner. They share their problem after it. It makes them forgot their pain for a little. Stories can relieve pain, just like drugs. When two people talked one to each other, it makes them feel special on the inside.

"So you feel bored when you're at work?" James said with a cigarette in his hand.

"Something like that, maybe," Diana answered with her red face nearly drunk.

"Why? The last time I met you, you said your job has something special. What about that?"

"I can't believe you still remember what I said."

Diana trying to reminiscing, what she loved about her job? She knows she loves it but she can't tell what it is. James looked at her confused face. He feels like Diana has the same problem as he had. 'She's not different from me. She doesn't feel comfortable with her job so do I? The difference is I still love writing but I can't.'

"Don't push yourself too hard, that's okay if you can't answer it."

Diana sighed, "Maybe, I should go home. Lately, I worked overtime and I should rest before midnight."

"Wow, so you even do overtime work?" James impressed with her statement.

"Ah stop it! Everybody hates me when I did overtime. They said I interrupt their time." Diana leans back and takes another glass of wine. "Ugh, I don't know anymore, maybe I was wrong about that. But what's wrong with work hard?"

James listened to her opinion, his eyes looked right into her face. He trying to figure what kind of people Diana is. It's hard for James to figure it out. Just like figure what color of the universe. The universe change and you can't figure what color the universe is. It depends on what you see on it, just like people. James always wanted to know people, he loves to see their iridescent sheen.

"I don't agree with you," James said it quick.

"What!? Why not?" Diana shocked. "What do you mean? I said something right here!"

"Wait, let me finish it." James tried to calm her down. "I don't agree with you, at least not yet until you can answer my question."

Silent, Diana thinks about what he just said. James light up another cigarette, trying to find the right word to explain it. Day's getting darker, everybody starts leaving the place. Just leave few people. The lamp gets brighter along with the dark of the night.

"Think about it for a second, you don't even know why you love your job. So don't make them love what you're doing. Until you can answer my question, I'll give another opinion about it." James smiled put off his cigar and stood up, "Okay, thank you for today. C'mon, I'll drive you home."

James took his jacket and go back to his car. It happened so fast and Diana still stuck at his question. She's always thought out loud and questioned about everything against her. She couldn't see James the same anymore, she has a lot of mixed feelings and opinions about him.

Sat on his lather seats, Diana can barely speak on the way back home. His statement makes her can't think of anything else. James sense something wrong, the ambiances feel so awkward. 'Have I said something wrong?'

"Diana, are you alright?" James tried to make sure everything's okay. "Am I hurt your feelings?"

Diana shook her head, "I don't know what to say when you lecture me like that."

"I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, I didn't mean to."

Diana smiled faintly, "That's okay. I'm fine I just can't believe when you told me some great thinking. You're 5 years behind me just like my sister and that's surprised me, hahaha. I'm not easily offended."

It's almost midnight but Diana keeps checking her phone in case if there's any job she hasn't done yet. She left the office in the middle of the day, is her first time skipped the job for personal business. A lot of messages from Mia and other co-workers, but she didn't have any serious trouble.

James glanced at her, he can see her doing her work. It makes him wondered, 'She still doing her job at this time, I don't know what happened with her head.' Before he turns back, he realizes that she doesn't enjoy it. Even when she texted back her mom and friends, she looks tired. It figured in her firm face.

"Who're you texted to?" James asked curiously.

"My sister, why?" Diana frowned.

"Nothing, you seem annoyed with it."

Diana sighed and closes her eyes, "She wondered why I'm not home yet, and she thinks that I have a date. Just her nonsense, forget it."

"Ah, so you really annoyed with this 'boyfriend' thing."

"That's right, I'm tired of this society demands. Why woman should've married when they 25 or older?"

James thinks about it for a second, "I don't know, maybe because most of them have met their soul mate at that age. Diana do you know what loves is? I mean have you ever love someone, with all of your heart?"

Diana speechless, "Maybe"

She didn't have felt how it feels to love someone and James knows it from her answer. She never thought about it before. 'So, she has never done it. That's why she sensitive with this thing.'

"So you never feel it."

Diana can't argue with him. "You'll know when you found it." He continued.

They arrived at her place almost midnight, and her sister already waited for her in front of the apartment door. James smiled at her and helped her pack her things.

"Thanks for taking me to dinner," Diana smiled

"Never mind, it's me who should say that." James shook her hands, "Diana, I think you should have some days off."

She walks out and talks through the window, "Why?"

"Nothing, in particular, I just want you to feel happy." James waves his hand and leaves.

He left some abstract hint for her. James didn't want to make her feel what he felt. Empty inside, and almost forget how it feels to be loved by somebody. James knew that he should've said it for himself, 'Like what people say, it easy to told someone what to do than said it to yourself.' He drive home with mixed feelings, now his car feels so empty and quiet. He forgot how to love himself and deal with loneliness.

Diana walked inside with the same feelings as him. 'What's that mean? Am I not happy?' They have the same problem with different situations.

"Who's that?" Diana's sister asked with her shining eyes, wanted to know what just happened to her.

"Just my friend," Diana answered shortly.

"It must be a date right? This is the first time, I wanted to know who he is."

Diana annoyed with her act, "Shut up! I wanted to sleeps, mind your own business."

Leave her alone in the door, Diana has more questions she had to answer. 'Should I take a day off? What's the meaning of loved by somebody? He wants me to be happy?' She never felt so confused but happy at the same time. She doesn't know why, and she wanted to know the reason beneath it. She digs into her bottom of her heart for an actual reason.