40. 180 Degrees

Diana confused by the question, she stammered to answer. James moved closer to her, his eye seems dead. Diana didn't know what happened here, he felt like a different person right now. James sat next to Diana, he lighted up his cigar and repeated the question.

"Have you ever in love?"

Diana stammered, "Umm…I don't know,"

Her face turned pale, and she started shivering. She was folding her arms, and rub them because suddenly everything felt so cold. Sweat dripped from her body and she couldn't say anything to him. Her post-traumatic relapsed.

James didn't know what happened, he saw Diana seems to suffer from a cold. Her body was trembling and she didn't answer the question for a couple of minutes. He was shocked and didn't know what should he do, 'Wait wait! What happens with her?'

"Diana, are you okay?" James asked while his body moved closer to her. 

He touched her shoulder and she pushed him away, "I…am…okay…I'm good,"

'She's definitely not okay, damn what should I do?' James moved carefully, he didn't want to make things worse or turn into some dangerous movement. Diana start gasped for air, and James became more confused than before. 

James tried to calm down, he needed to control the situation over here. 'Okay, think James! She got panicked attack, and don't find the reason yet. Solve this problem one by one.' He tried to remembered what happened when there's a person with a panicked attack.

James knew something from movies and books that he had read, and he should've remembered it. He could see Diana still gasped for air, she couldn't breathe at the moment and James was thinking the thing that he could do.

"Diana, Diana hey! Look, what do you see?"

She still catches a breathe, and slowly looked to James, "Huh… wh…what?"

"Look around and tell me what you see."

Diana listened to what he told, "Okay…I see…air conditioner…bookshelf…cigarette…window, door, can of beers."

Slowly her breathing became normal, she wasn't gasping for air anymore. She arranged her breathe and do exhale and inhaled to made her more relaxed. After he saw Diana didn't tremble and shivering anymore, he rushed to the fridge and gave her water and a beer.

"Here, drink the water first,"

He handed them carefully and made sure she was okay. Diana grabbed the water and drank it quickly, she lost a lot of sweats. She didn't feel cold anymore, her body didn't shake. James opened the window to gain fresh air, and he let her for a couple of minutes.

"Feeling better?"

Diana nodded, "Yeah, thank you,"

James picked his cigar again and sat near the window, 'Humph! That was close, now you calm yourself, James. She's alright now.' James opened his beer and drank it right away, he questioned what happened with her.

'Did I say something wrong? She suddenly acts weird.  She must have a reason behind it.' James wasn't ready to ask about it. He wanted but didn't dare to. He waited until she told him about it, right now James waited for her to deal with the conversation. 

"Umm… thank you, it must be shocking to you with what happened before," 

Diana started talking after a long silence between them. She felt relaxed than before, she took off her blue blazer and stay with the white shirt. She used formal outfits and because she met business people today, and right now James stared at a gorgeous woman sat with a simple outfit that makes her perfect.

She didn't need to wear a fancy dress or gold necklace to make her perfect because her face was the proof of what was called "perfection". She tied her beautiful brown hair, and now she looks like an independent and strong woman, her appearance showed it.

James couldn't turn his gaze, his eye glued at her. He never realized Diana looked so beautiful and fascinating. No other word could describe what James saw in his eye right now, she felt so strong and firm but also soft and tender. 

James cleared his throat, tried to turn his sight away from this creature. "So…umm…you're welcome. Glad I could help you,"

"Where do you learn that technique?" Diana reached the beer that James gave and put it next to her.

"I watched or read it I didn't remember, but it called grounding. It was some kind of therapy for someone who had a panicked attack."

Diana sipped her beer and nodded, "Wow, I didn't think that you're kind of people who care to somebody else," She mocked with giggled after it.

"Damn, didn't you realize you're one of the people who had being saved by me," James replied to her joke and silence came between those moments. "Are you have some traumatic problem or anxiety problem?"

James didn't know why those words came out of his mouth, he was trying to not asked about the reason but he slipped out. 'Oh good James, Fuck!!' He shook his head didn't believe what he said, he moved his sight to her and wondered about her reaction.

Diana smiled weakly, looked down at the floor there's sadness in her eyes. James felt he had done some terrible mistake, he needed to fix this up. He didn't know what kind of trauma that she had and probably she would felt sad and hurt by told him that.

"It's okay if you didn't comfortable talking about it. That's fine." James tried to make things right, but she didn't say anything. "Sorry if I hurt your feelings. I didn't mean to,"

Diana suddenly laughed at him, and James was confused about it, "Hahaha, I made you worried and panicked right?"

"Ah, c'mon you freak!" James snapped about it, he didn't sure if Diana joked or she really needed help right now. She messed around with him, but her laugh didn't last long. Her smile suddenly disappeared from her face.

She held the beer and sipped it again, her eyes back stared the floor. It was some kind of gesture if she would to discuss or think about something uncomfortable for her. It was something that she didn't want to talk about.

"Yeah, okay. You're a good guy, maybe it's fine." Diana muttered.

"What's fine?" James tried to catch where this conversation went.

"It's my story, and it happened maybe 8 or 9 years ago when I was 19-20 years old." Diana continued with her hand grasped the can so hard until it sound. It must be tough for her, James knew it and he respected that she still tried to explain what happened to him. "…That happened when I was still in college… I was raped."

James was speechless and shocked at the same time. It changed 180 degrees away, at first she laughed and joked with him and now the conversation turns into a totally different situation. James was stunned by her behavior and courage to bring up something serious. It must cost her a lot to bring this story. James had seen what underneath her strong and confident faces, it had something dark and sad.