Chapter 8: Different days

In a week there are seven days that is divided into two kinds. Weekdays that some people dislike and weekends that people love. Yeah there are holidays and such. But that's another thing. We spend our lives living each day. Trying to do stuff differently from tomorrow. Trying to do something new or do better. Yet for seven years my days kind of been monotone. Nothing new, same thing again and again. On college it was me going to school then heading back to my apartment. I wasn't that social in college either. Some tried to talk to me but I remain an anti social. It's not them it's more of me. I still have a lot trust issues. Social anxiety that I haven't move passed yet. Still even my days have been monotone and the same. There are days where things became lively. Moments that I wish to last until the next day. But that seems impossible. Because the person who's giving me life forgets me every next day. Still I wish my days weren't monotone it may hurt to not be remembered. But still I'm happy being with her. And knowing right now where in the same city. The possibility of me meeting her again or getting a text or call for her is more likely. Than me hoping deep inside day in and day out that someone would contact me about her.

Still it's been disappointing. Four days have passed she still hasn't called or texted. I was thinking maybe she didn't saw my note. Or didn't care that my number was there. I've been waiting but I think I'm reverting once again to my monotone days. Sometimes after work I spend minutes walking outside. Observing and trying to see if I can see her walking by. Yet no luck whatsoever. I admit cause of the hope of seeing her again soon. I'm becoming optimistic something that is really rare for a person like me. Who hasn't been excited about anything. Two more days passed nothing has still happen. Until I got this text. From an unknown number wanting to meet me at the park. I wasn't certain who it was. But I had hoped it was Ana.

That's why I hurried out. But when I got to the park. It wasn't Ana it was my parents. Wanting to know how I'm doing. Also a rare sight. Seeing them both together just to ask about how I am. Especially now that I'm working and an adult

"Oh Hi mom and dad"

"hm you showed up we thought you won't" said dad

"We used an unknown number hoping you to show up" said mom

"Well I did so what? What is this about?"

Seeing them right now. Still reminds me of my childhood. All those moments that I wish to forget. Seeing my mom and dad's face reminded me of everything. I don't hate them. But I don't want to see them. Because I don't want to be reminded by the past. Also we never really had fun memories that I can recall. That's why on my first year as I college student, I didn't contact them for money. Since I manage to land a scholarship. But just recently. They are both trying to reach out to me. Asking If they can make things up. To right their wrongs. They want to introduce me to my step siblings and their new families. But I didn't care. Why should I really? They are late for trying to make things up to me.

"Well we just came to say hi and possibly have dinner with you?" said mom

"Yeah son let us catch up about your life?" said dad

"I'm not free tonight I have things do"

They are showing a lot of interest in me. Yet it's still not enough for me to change my mind. Since I was a kid I've been handling myself alone. Without needing a present mother or father. All the moments I wished I have parents home to talk about my problems is now gone. They're the ones who taught me to handle myself. But in a cruel way. Because they both left. Giving me an allowance was not enough, I needed love and time from them. In which they never showed me both, and here are them now. Trying even I don't really care anymore. I just want them to leave me alone like they always do. To not care about me. To be an outcast on both their new families.

"Ahh ok but can we at least chat for a moment?" said mom as she holds my hand

As my mom held my hand. There it was the memory of her leaving. I was seven back then. They were having their ups and downs. Quarrels and fights that got out and hand. That day my mom got tired of everything and decided to leave. Without me and dad. She held my hand and told me back then, that she wasn't leaving me. She was only leaving dad. She told me that she loves me and to take care of myself. Then she left with her new family. If she loved me why didn't she take me with her. Up until now that still runs through my mind sometimes. If my parents truly loved me why did they leave me alone

"Sure but I really need to be going soon"

"Ok then son how are you? How's work and life?" said dad

It was awkward I honestly don't know what to tell them

"Work's fine. You can see my work on newspapers anyways"

"Ah oh yeah I read your work sometimes" said mom

Even though I highly doubt it. After a while my dad got a call. And said something came up. Then they both leave. Which was ok to me because I don't want to spend time with them. They both got their own lives and so I am. They don't need to worry about me. After meeting with them I walk on home. With all this memories of the past rushing in my head. Bothering me once again. The unanswered questions I have for my parents up to now. Then as I carry on walking. I heard someone crying. I'm not much of a guy who wonders about others people problems. But that person crying distracted me from my thoughts. So I gotten curios on whom it was, then suddenly things were silent. All I can hear was her crying. Once I realized who it was. What kind of coincidence is this. The person that I wished who text me to meet here. Is in front of me. Crying and in need. That's why my feet just move to approach her. To ask her what's wrong. To help her stop the tears.

"Hey why are you crying?" I didn't introduce myself at first because I hope she remembers me

"I'm lost. My phone died and I don't know where I am nor can call anyone to help me" said Ana as she continues to cry

"You recognize me?"

"No not really"

Well that's kind of hurtful but expected

"ok I'm Joseph"

"I'm Ana"

"Let me help you out. So could you please not cry"

I'm not good with people. With expressing myself. With telling what I want yet with it comes to her. I just go for it. Maybe it's the fact that she won't remember this after some time. Or the fact that when I'm with her things feel lighter. All the over thinking I was doing earlier disappeared and all I want right now is to help her.

"Well I'd appreciate that, but why would you help me I'm just a stranger" said Ana

I can't stop but to smile. She looks so cute right now. Even though I don't want to see her cry.

"I may not know you that much, but I can't stop myself from helping someone who is crying"

"That's nice. Then thanks. Would you help me get home?"

"yes I will. First let's get your phone charge. Let's find a convenience store nearby with a charging station we can charge your phone there."

"That's a great idea. Why didn't I thought of that" she said with a smile

This day was a roller coaster ride. This was the highlight me meeting her once again.

"Then shall we?"

"Yes let's go"

So here I once heart is fluttering, she may not remember who I was. But thanks to that coincidence I knew she was that I needed. The one who stopped me from over thinking without even her knowing it. As her phone charges we talked. Well some of the things we talked about is nothing new to me. still hearing her laugh made me happy. Just being here in another moment with her. That I know I'll remember was enough for me to not have another monotone day. Still I hope this was one of her weird days. In which she could recall who I was. There were moments on our conversation. Where I wanted to tell her who I was. but no I didn't want to spoil the day. I just live through that moment with her. And enjoyed every single second of it. Then when her phone was charged. I walked her home. She said thanks and ironically said.

"Thanks I'll never forget you helping me out today."

Hearing that made me happy and hoping that it's true even though I know it won't be. Because by tomorrow she won't recall again who I was. Or so I thought, until the next day I got a text. From Ana saying.

"Hey it's me Ana, Sorry for only texting now can we meet at the park?"

So I replied "Sure I'll be there"

Then there I was once again happy. Because today is not going to be another monotone day. Once again I get to see her. I arrive at the park waiting for her. Then she arrived at the very moment I wanted to ask her if she remembered yesterday. Because the whole time I was walking to get to the park. I was thinking did it come true? Did the words she said to me as I walk her home true. The words that she'll never forget me. but as usual she did. She has no recollection that we even talked or seen each other yesterday. She only remembered me through her journal. That should have ruined my day. Yet still I'm ok because right now she is in front of me.

"Hey Ana so what's up?"

"Well everything feels weird yet. Because according to my journal we have met. this is our second meeting supposedly but for me it feels like the first .And thanks for the poem by the way."

"You're welcome glad you remembered me. So what do you want to do"

"Well yeah I wasn't supposing to really text you because I'm having doubts. But thanks to my boyfriend I did'

Wait what just happened. Boyfriend. This was supposed to be a colorful day that I get to spend with her. Then what is happening right now. We should just be having a blast, talking and laughing. Creating new things for her journal. But who is this boyfriend character she is talking about. Then I realized it. The only man who can Ana recall without being in his journal. It has to be him

"Boyfriend? You mean John"

"Yeah thanks to him I texted you. Said the three of us can hangout"

And that confirms it, suddenly everything becomes heavy. Every footstep of John as he approaches us is making my world crumble. I don't know what to feel. Then it gotten heavier as I see a smile that is more lively and different from what I cause. A smile who I wish I was the reason. But I just wasn't it was him. John

"Hey long time no see. It's been seven years right?"

I didn't want to respond. But that would be weird and rude.

"Yeah seven years. So what's up John?"

"Well same old stuff still together with Ana how about you?"

"I'm a writer now. How come you're together anyways?"

"Upon graduating I looked for her. Reached out to her parents and found work there. Actually we are only having a vacation here. Since I got some work to do in this city"

Hearing that left me with a lot of blanks. So many questions I wanted to asked but didn't have the courage to do so. Once again I was defeated. By someone who always lives in her memory. While again I'm an outcast in her memories. Lost and never can get inside her mind.

"Well then shall we go now?" said John

"I think I'll pass I remember I still have to turn in tomorrow's poem for the newspaper."

"Well that's sad but it was good catching up see you around then" said john

"Sorry for not really remembering you. See you again soon" said Ana

Then just like in the movies they left. Happily. Laughing and enjoying themselves. Meanwhile here I am the outcast and extra of the story. Why did it have to be like this. Why did I expect that today would be different. Its back to my monotone days. Back to writing tragic poems. As I go back to the office. I written something to be publish for tomorrow it was this.

Carpe diem

A story that I can't seem to turn the page

I'm continuously locked in my cage

Of emotions like rage

When will I ever get the courage

To stand by you

To know what to do

To just continue

Been wanting to be with you

But it seems like no way

All the fun we had are yesterday

That you won't recall any day

Because your memories always fades away

Never being able to stay

That's why I just don't know what to say

To me this is not ok

How fate continues to play

While here I am wanting just one day

A day with color and not just gray

A day that you remember me but seems no way

Because I can't seize the day.

Carpe diem and exclamation of seizing your day, having the courage to grab that moment you want. something that I never ever have done. I had a lot of moments to ask my parents my questions. A lot of moments to tell her what I feel. But I just let it all get pass me by. That's why I live like this. In my world of gray. In which every day I feel blue and glum. Days of monotone. And everyday how I dream and wish for days with her. For days full of color and life. I want to experience that. A day where she could remember who I was. A day of happiness and not monotone. I wish for different days…..