Chapter 18: My reason

As a writer I've hit dozen of slumps. Faced many writer's block as well as blank pages. White sheet of papers without any words or letters on them. Writer's face that from time to time. It's like reaching a peak where you think everything is going well and smooth. Then after one instance suddenly the smooth ride stop. Because you are facing against a wall. An empty chapter. You want to fill because you want to be productive. But then again you can't, cause your mind is blank. As well as the pages you are trying to fill. Yet also in just an instant walls can crumble you get this flash of inspiration that will just let the words come out of your mind. Then be put into life in a piece of paper.

That's the best feeling ever. To be able to write cause of inspiration. Rather than cause of obligation. For me my work is both passion and obligation. Which I thought didn't involved any sort of inspiration. Until I met Ana again. Because seeing her once more. Made me realize. All this time I had inspiration. On those walls I've hit. She was the person in my memory that keeps on pushing me forward. That's why as we continue on upon this agreement. I don't know what chapters I'll write next. But I'm rest assure that it's going to be better, because I continue to be inspire by her.

So to continue I was awaiting her answer. Which was nerve wracking. Since I'm not used to thinking optimistic. A part of me still have some doubts. But I know my heart wants to carry on this decision but I'm ready. No matter what reply I hear. I'm going forward.

"What you're seeing is all good for me because I think it would help me adjust. But my answer to your deal is..."

"What?"

"No"

"What? Whyy?"

"Because I think it's unfair for you. To do all of that for me. And I can't even give anything in return to you. Since I can't even remember who you are"

This is just like her thinking of other's sake. This reminds me of when she tackled me thinking I'll jump a bridge. That's why in response to what she said. I just hugged her and replied

"It's not unfair. Because I want to do. For one reason only. That is because I love you and theres no better reason in this world than that"

Sounded corny but you get my point.

"But what if"

"Hush no more of that. For a long time I've been overthinking about all the what ifs and cause of that I've almost lost you. This time no more overthinking. Why don't we just boty plunge into tommorow even we don't know what's coming"

"What do you mean?"

"Stop with the overthinking and let's just do it and try"

"Well you have a point but what if"

"Let me stop you there. I said it once no more what ifs"

"Ok then I guess I have no choice then let's go"

"Good that's the answer I've been wanting to her but to fully clarify it's a deal right"

"Yes. I Ana am approving of the deal you've proposed Joseph"

"If you say it like that then it's official. From here on forward I'll be here every chance I get helping you adjust"

Well that's kind of my basic plan. But to be honest I don't have anything panned out. For a guy who loves to overthink. I sure can't plan squat. Since I've never before look forward to the future. But now things have changed. Still I'm just going to wing it and I have everyday to try and make things go smooth on her transition to every next day.

After the whole agreement thing. We tried more things like using the things she like to tell her she has short term memory. But didn't worked out as well. After a couple of things I've seen some development and finally found the perfect way.

"I have an idea"

"What is that?" Said Ana

"You like movies right? Well before we had that talked I ordered a video recorder"

"For what?"

"Obviously I can't be with you every hour and minute of the day since I have work"

"So?"

"Why don't we try to video some of the stuff we do together then tonight let's edit it and then kind of video yourself telling to your tommorow self about your current situation you understand where I'm going with this"

"You mean basically introduce the fact I have short term memory to my self"

"Yes that and also with my book. Because we can't explain everything in one video it would take to long. So in addition to my book that you read to help you adjust why don't we create a video message to your self along with some stuff we do together on days you don't think of me as a creep"

"Not a bad idea. But what if"

"Opps you don't remember this but what ifs are not allowed when we talk. We also agreed upon that"

"Ok then let's try"

So there we was filming our day together. How we had fun, eat, walk and some other stuff. Then we also record her video message. Then after editing it we just left it in her laptop with a note to play the video the next day. Basically this was Ana's message to his tommorow self.

" Hello there haha. It's weird to this but obviously I'm you. And I know you don't have any recollection of us recording this video but we did trust me. You see the reason you can't remember is because you have short term memory. You have it cause of an accident you had when you are a kid. Sucks right. Cause of that we kind of been missing out on a lot. Still there are these people along with are parents who kind of help us experience new things. Although for us everything is new since we can't remember a thing. I'm not gonna be all dramatic but to sum it all up you are loved. Remember that. And also read that book along your bed then afterwards continue watching this you'll understand everything after that. Never forget even in just thus video you love Joseph"

Well that last part is something I'm unaware of at first since I didn't realized she said that cause I was to light headed since it got late when we finished editing and also I have to write it into my book since it serves as her guide as well.

After that the next day she called me

"Morning what's up? You've seen the video?"

"Yes"

"So what now"

"Let's meet"

"Sure but after work pick you up at around 6"

"Ok"

"See you"

"Love you"

"What? Can you repeat that?"

"Nothing I said take care"

Suddenly she hanged up and was all flustered. Her voice as she minimizes her reply was cute can't wait to see her later.

My reason

I've been stuck

Kept on hitting the same block

Again and again as I feel out of luck

Then suddenly the once was blank

Become filled with emotions

All of the questions

Commotions

And notions

Just went away

Gone along with yesterday

It took me a lot to find this way

A way to me being ok

The way back to same person

Who gave me that inspiration

She caused the explosion

That got rid of all the question

The what ifs I've been hearing on and on

That have stopped me to move on

But now all of that has gone

Since I've finally found the one

The person

Who gives me motivation

As well as inspiration

She is my reason.