Awkward Breakfast

(Evans POV)

I can't believe that that just happened. What is wrong with me? I usually never do these kind of things.... maybe I'm going crazy?.. I don't understand these fuzzy feelings that I always get when Aaron is in the room. They are really annoying seeing as I can't do anything right anymore. He makes my heart race like a car on the highway and I would really like that to stop.

As a distraction I started making some eggs for breakfast. Just a simple breakfast, nothing fancy really. But damn, they do be smelling good though.

I wonder if Aaron will like them.... Wait what?? I don't give a damn about his stupid taste buds. He could go get breakfast himself if he doesn't like it! What do I care if he likes my eggs and bacon?..

"Shit!" I hissed when some burning hot oil jumped on my finger. I swear sometimes I feel like the universe likes messing with me.

"Are you ok, what happened?" Asked Aaron while he got up from the couch and started heading my way. "Nothing." Is all I said and turned back around to the stove."Take a seat, breakfast is done."

Aaron looked surprised and asked "You made some for me too?" I frowned and said "No, I made just for myself and I will maliciously make you watch."

He rolled his eyes and sat down on the other side of the counter.

I put a plate full of food in front of him and he immediately dug into it. That made me smile for some reason. This felt really nice.. Like when you have a family...

"Areee- you just going to stand there and watch or are you going to eat something as well~?"

Aarons voice snapped me out of my weird thoughts and so I sat down myself and started eating.

There was this awkward silence between us that neither of us seemed to know how to break. The only sounds that we could hear were the sounds of our silverware scraping against the plates.

Though neither of us talked or said anything, it was pretty comfortable eating with him simply because he looked like he was enjoying the simple food that I prepared.

I still have that fluttery feeling in my stomach and it seems to have intensified. Each time I look at him my heart jumps high and it gets stuck in my throat. Is it because I hate him? But that couldn't be, because what I feel doesn't feel uncomfortable or hateful. They are fuzzy warm sensations that I can only describe as cozy and secure and.. pleasant..

And when he looks back at me I always feel warmth rise up to my cheeks. This is so weird.. with Camille I never felt this sense of being secure and wanted. It was always about making out and buying things and sleeping with her in the same bed. We never did anything though. That was her reason to fight with me every night. It was because I never wanted to touch her, and because I never wanted to make love with her.

And you know what, I won't even call it love since she didn't actually love me. All she wanted was for us to have sex. And I wasn't going to give my body away to some slut.

But with Aaron it was different. There was this feeling, like he actually wanted me around and I guess that is what is pulling me more to him. This feeling of being wanted and that is all I ever needed from everyone.

From my mom, my father my.. Jesus my own girlfriend couldn't do that and we slept in the same bed at night. And I still didn't feel loved or wanted.

So when Aaron started.. .. caring, I guess? I unconsciously started gravitating towards him. It happens without me realising it and It's weird.

Maybe it's because of child trauma, but either way I can't really control that. Once someone starts acting like they care and make me feel safe, I immediately start warming up to them myself. I kind of want that to stop since I can't trust anyone that is nice to me but I can't help it.

"Did you and Camille ever have sex?" I flinched when Aaron suddenly spoke. This guy likes doing that.

"Wh-what?" I stuttered out. Why-.. why would he want to know about that?

"Did you and Camille ever have sex?" He repeated his question.

I had to blink twice and reassure myself if he actually asked that. That definitely wasn't blunt.

"Why- why do you wanna know that?" I asked shocked. Who wouldn't be, it's kind of a personal question.

Aaron shrugged and looked away, not answering my question.

I sighed and looked at him. I guess it won't hurt telling him.

"No. We didn't." I said while watching his reaction. His face turned from a frown to a smile. Somehow I found that really cute. Was he happy I didn't do it with her?

I am pretty sure my face was was burning red by now.

"I didn't feel like it was worth giving it away to someone that didn't really love me..

I guess I have been saving it for a while, waiting for that one person to make me feel like it's worth it. Worth touching someone in such an intimate way.. .. it is something special to me and I guess... I always knew she was only using me but she gave me that attention that I craved so, so much.. "

I stopped. I was saying too much again and I didn't want him to know all of those things. Gasping I stood up and tried to walk away but Aaron stopped me by grabbing me by my wrist. "Don't. Don't be afraid to tell me more about you. I am willing to listen to you." He said barely above a whisper.

He then proceeded to stand up and come to me. I was completely paralysed and moving was out of the question. "W--what are you doing?"

He came closer to me, in touching distance and put my hands in his. I was sweating now, and my heart was beating so fast, that alone almost made me cry.

I tried freeing my hands from his touch but he wouldn't let me. "Aaron, let go." I said.

"No Evan. Not until I know I can trust you to tell me what's wrong! I don't want you to keep everything inside and suffer all alone Evan!" He said raising his voice.

I tried escaping his grip again but he once again wouldn't let go. "Aaron let go, please.." I was getting desperate. I don't like these situations because I don't know how to handle them. Because I am not in control and I don't know what to do or expect. They are triggering to me. They bring back memories I want to forget entirely.

Tears were starting to form in my eyes and I was scared.

I don't want him to know. I don't want him to know. I DON'T WANT HIM TO KNOW.

DON'T TELL HIM.

"Evan please.. I'm trying to help you" He himself was starting to become desperate since his face is giving everything away. I found it kind of... ok, very cute because he was like an open book. A book that said everything that was needed to be said.

"Why do you care in the first place. I thought you wanted to make my life a living hell? Is this the way? Are you trying to make me trust to just for you to break it later? Is that it?"

"No! Evan I would never do that! As much of a scumbag that I am I would NEVER do that!! Please, you need to believe me!" He was now almost yelling and that was the last thing I could take. Someone yelling at me brought back so many unwanted memories from my childhood that I just finally snapped.

"Just stop PLEASE!" I yelled before dropping to the ground and starting to cry without being able to stop for the life of me. "Evan!, Evan please, calm down. Everything is going to be fine!"

I could hear Aaron say before he knelt down next to me. "Shhh. Everything is going to e fine. I'm here for you."

Now that I was crying I couldn't stop it.

Memories came flooding back from the past.

Memories I wanted to forget forever.

Aaron came closer to me and started hugging me. And I hugged back. I hugged back because I felt safe in his arms. So safe that I don't understand it myself. It has only been a few months since he came into my life but there is something that makes him so special to me.

Something that makes him so damn special to me, is that I feel like he actually cares. He has been showing it time and time again in the past few days..

And I don't know what made him change suddenly, but I can feel it. And that is what scares me the most. Knowing that someone you trust and care about could turn their backs on you and hurt you in the worst possible ways.

And the reason behind that is; you would obviously expect to get hurt by your enemy, or even just a stranger. But you don't expect to get hurt by your family or your friends or... even the one person that you care for the most.

And that is what scares me the most. I can never know if I can trust my feelings or not.

But I just have the feeling that I can trust him. So I leaned into him more. Loving his warm touch and I am well aware of how gay that sounds. But it is true. There is something about him..

And I can't describe it.

What a breakfast dude. Can't I ever get a break? .. no?.. .. ok... :(