Unraveling

At three pm tha day after I was so to go out and meet Mike. It was just 15 minutes until we ended and I was hurrying to do the last part of my math worksheet so that I wouldn't have to do them late tonight. I thought math was pretty easy, but i suppose I'm a bit of a nerd. I was writing away until the bell rang and then I got up and left my paper on the teachers desk. My feet were light as I walked to the parkinglot until I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Hey, where are you going?" It was Mica who asked and I turned around to answer her.

"I told you this morning, I'm going to the mall with Mike and Jeremy and Erik." We were at the end of the parikinglot now and I saw the car with Erik and Jeremy in the driver- and passagerseats. Jeremy was lookign at me and looked annoyed because I took so long time to talk to Mica and didn't come there. Erik was probably looking at his phone and didn't see me.

"Oh, I was thinking that we could go home to me and do homework, but nevermind, you go hang out with your baby." She added a wink at me and I rolled my eyes and a blush crept on my face.

"Shut up", I mumbled at her and just as I did Jeremy, as the annoying idiot he is, decided to honk the horn and managed to put all of the attention of the people on the parkinglot on me. Fuck him.

I partially ran to the car to get out of sight of everyone and on the way I saw Jeremy and Erik arguing over someting in the front seat. I wonder how they could have started a fight on just a few seconds, because when I looked at them a moment ago they weren't fighting.

When I was over by the car I opened the backdoor and got in.

"Why didn't you tell me that he was com-"

"Hi." I accidentally interrupted Erik when I got in the car. Apparently the argument ended when I said hi, because now Jeremy and Erik didn't say anything to each other and Jeremy pulled out of the parkinglot. I just shrugged and looked over at Mike who sat on the other side of the backseat. I tried to come up with something to say to him, but it was hard and I grew self-consious very fast. I fidgeted with my hands in my sleeves and tried to think of anything.

"Hey, Mike, are you done with that math work sheet that we have 'til next week?" I cringed at my own attempts to start a conversation, but at least I had said something.

"Uh, the one about quadratic equations? No, haven't started."

"Oh, really? I'm not done either, haha." How the hell am I so bad at making basic dialogue? I lied to him about the math thing, I never had any math over that I hadn't already done. Like I said, I'm a nerd.

"Oh, cool." Mike looked down at his phone and I supposed that the short word exchange was over.

Soon the car stopped and everyone got out. Mike proposed that we would go to the game hall and everyone was in on teh idea. As we walked Erik hung back a bit and Jeremy walked with him, which was good for me, since Mike and I got to have some privacy. I didn't come up with something to say but was just happy to be in Mike's presence.

There was a lot of people in the game hall when we arrived and Mike and Jeremy immediately teamed up on a game. I looked back to see if Erik wanted to play something with me, but he had already turned around and stood by himself at one of the arcade games. Judging of his back he seemed tense and didn't really enjoy the game that he played. I shrugged and walked around in the arcade hall for a bit before I chose to play one of the games that weren't occupied.

The game was a bit like Tetris, which I was the best at, so it wasn't too hard and got boring after a while. Some twelve year olds were standing and watching as I beat the score on the machine. I was litterally the best at fucking Tetris.

When I lost at around 75 000 points I gave up and let the other kids try to beat my score. Hah, like they ever would. I felt a bit cocky when I walked around to try o find the other guys, but it was okay, there weren't many times that I felt cocky about stuff. Jeremy and Mike wasn't over by the machine that they were playing on before, and when I looked around I didn't se them or Erik anywhere. For real? Maybe they... forgot about me?

I couldn't even lie to myself.

Whatever the reason for them leaving was, I went to look for them in the mall. I was growing hungry and figured that they maybe had too, so I walked over to the food courts. I was just about to turn around a corner that lead to the restaurant area when I suddenly stopped just behind them. They were sitting at a table around the corner with their backs against me, so that they didn't see me where I was standing.

I was just about so announce my arrival when I got interrupted.

Only one word came out of Mike's mouth, but my whole world fell.

"Mate."

He was looking over at another entrance to the restaurant area at two girls who were just entering. It wasn't me. He was not looking at me. My brain couldn't process why he didn't turn around and look at me. My heart raised in speed and my breath hitched, which made Erik and Jeremy turn around and look at me, but I couldn't concentrate on them. This could not be happening!

I turned around and sat off in a sprint, trying to find an exit through the blurr of tears that had appeared in my eyes. My throat burned and I felt a thick lump in it, which made it hard to breathe as I ran. Finally I found an exit and pushed past all the people who were looking at me wierdly. I couldn't even care about them, not when my world was crashing down around me.

I ran out on the parkinglot and the fresh air made it a little bit easier to breathe. Could I take the bus home? I did not want to spend a second with any one of the others. I felt sad in my whole body, but now I could also feel rage boil up in my stomach. Plus, I couldn't even get home by myself 'cause I had forgotten my bus ticket at home! I walked a bit slower now, my head spinning and a single tear ran down my cheek, which I quickly brushed away. The car was just 20 meters form me and I knew that it was the only way for me to get home, even though I felt nauseous just thinking of being in the same car as the others right now.

I reached the side of the hood and slid down to the ground leaning against it and buried my face in my arms. Everything was out of control and my head was spinning of thoughts and I was just confused ans so very, terribly sad. I felt like someone, possibly Mike, had ripped out my heart from my chest and stomped on it a few times and then tried to put it in again.

"Liam."

Erik was standing in front of me now and when I looked up at him he looked so conflicted and perplexed that I almost forgot to be sad. Why was he here?

"I don't want to talk", I answered him.

He looked like he was fighting himself for what to say and apparently one side won and he said to me;

"I'm driving you home."

His eyes met my blurry and red ones and I saw somthing there, something that looked like he was hurting, deep inside. What was with this guy?

"What? You don't have to, I mean.. what about Jem and...Mike", that name was the hardest word that I have had to say in my life, it felt like.

"Yes, we're going home, they will get home themselves. Get in the car."

I felt a bit offended that he would talk that way to me, so reserved and commanding, but at least I could get home without meeting Mike again, so I wasn't complaining.

I awkwardly rose from the parking spot and brushed of my jeans and brushed at my teary face. Erik was moving his hands weirdly like he didn't really know what to do, but the he decided to just go around the car and get in on the drivers side. I slowly got in on the passanger side and buckled up. I felt so small in the world and my body was filled with misery.

We rode in silence all the way home and in when we were half way home my tears startes to runn down my face again. I couln't stop them, so I just accepted it and rested against the car door. One time Erik lifted a hand and almost reached out to touch my shoulder, but retreated and let his hand fall down again.

When we pulled up in the driveway to my house I started to get out but Erik stopped me by pushing the button that locked the doors.

"What...Erik?"

"Wait, I need to talk to you."

"Please not now Erik, I'm... I can't take anything right now." My voice was fatigued and I felt like crying myself to sleep. I was about to ignore his request for a talk and get out when he said the words that were about to shake my world for the second time today.

"You're my mate, Liam."

What the actual fuck? Again, today?

I could NOT take this right now, so my tears flooded my eyes and I trew myself out of the car and over the lawn into the house and looked the door. I could hear Erik's voice calling my name distinctly in the background, but his voice soon quieted down under the sound in my own head. I was having a panic attack again.

I fucking hate panic attacks.