This is the reason i'm broken

When I start to look and think about the address I know exactly where it is and that's when my heart starts to pound when I realized that the funeral home is right next to the house I use to live in with my mom and dad we pull off and he places his hand on my thigh " I know ma it's okay calm down "I take deep breaths " I have some water do you want some ?" i shake my head yes no wanting to talk afraid i would cry he reaches in the back seat and grabs a bottle of water I notice it's cold i open it and slowly drink it then i look at him "I put a few bottles in the car before I left the house just in case you started to have a panic attack i also have a few flavor packets too" i smile as i sip a little more water " thank you " " no problem ma I just wanted to be prepared and I'm glade I was " he rubs my thigh and smiles " about fifteen minutes later we pull into the funeral home I look at the time its two-fifty I look over at warren he grabs my hand " it's gonna be okay I'm right here " " promise ? " "I promise " as he gets out of the car he comes around and opens my door " you look beautiful Lisa, " he says as he whips the tears from my eyes " thank you " you ready? " " y-yes " I grab his hand and we walk into the funeral home

the very first person we see is my grandpa he doesn't see me but I see him I stop Warren sees him too " it's okay baby girl you can get through this I know you can "I take a deep breath and keep walking as we make our way to our seats we go to sit down I look up to see him staring straight at me with a look of like satisfaction, disgust, and pain he walks over to me and smirks I know he can see the pain in my eyes he leans over to hug me I slowly hug back and he says loud enough for not only me to hear but for Warren to hear as well " I still have power over you and there is nothing you can do about it " he then kisses my forehead and walks off like nothing happened I look over at Warren and his fist is clenched and he looks ready to kill " he has no fucking right to say things like that to you" I softly grab his hands and he instantly calms down " please calm down it's okay " he looks at me and he hugs me " I'm sorry ma but it's not okay " I hug back trying not to cry as we sit back down the funeral goes on it gets to the point where we can walk up to see the body " do you want to go see her? " I shake my head yes and try and control my breathing Warren rubs my back " do you want some water? " " yes please " he reaches in his pocket and pulls out a water bottle with a flavor packet and smiles " it's your favorite watermelon lemonade" as i softly smile and take it " thank you " as I put it together and take a sip "okay I'm ready " " do you want me to come with you " " no I think I can do it my self " " okay I'll be right here when you get back " "okay " as I get up and make my way up to the casket I remind my self to take deep breaths my grandpa stands by the casket getting hugs from everyone the whole time his eyes never leave me when I get to the casket I look down at my grandma and she looks so peaceful but she's nowhere near peaceful I look at my grandpa as I walk past him to go to my seat he hands me a note as I walk back I read it the note say's " just because she is dead dosent mean what she did won't haunt you forever" I just fold the note handing it to Warren as I walk out to the car a few seconds later Warren comes out and opens my door and helps me in then goes around to get in him self " that shit isn't right why don't you just let me handle him " he says as he pulls off " no " " why" " let him live with his demons he knows what he's done it will come back to him in due time " he looks back at the road " you right baby girl" I just look out the window wondering if I should get my number changed for the thired time " we never got to go get those tacos do you still want to get them or do you want to do something else? " " tacos please "I smile a little at the thought of tacos " there's that beautiful smile " he says cheesing from ear to ear I look over at him " I'm sorry if coming with me put stress on you or made you feel like you have to protect me " " what no Lisa in no way did me coming with you stress me out and i already know that I don't have to protect you but I do and I want to I know how he affects you I also know that I'm the only one who knows about him so I help you not because I feel like you are weak but because no matter what or who I will always protect you even from my self because I know I have hurt you and I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you" I just look down at my hands and cry I feel we stop somewhere he gets out and comes to my side and help me out when I look up I see we are at my favorite taco shop he hugs me and rubs my back " it's okay don't cry " as I calm down he pulls away " I'll buy you as many tacos as you want "I smile beacause tacos are life " thank you " " your welcome ma you ready " " yeah " I grab onto his hand and we walk across the street into the small taco shop I get a few compliments from guys sitting down eating Warren just looks at them and rolls his eyes and mumbles someting under his breath " hm what was that " " nothing ma just thinking out loud " " you sure " he looks at me and smiles " postive ma " " okayy whatever you say " as we get up to the counter he tells them that he wants five soft shell fajita tacos and I say I want three but he knows me well and orders me the same amount I always get ten as he pays we walk and sit down he laughs " what's so funny?" " the fact that you said you only wanted three knowing damn well that if you got three you would eat my five as well " shut up " " you know it's true you love tacos " " that is very true " " and plus if you don't eat them all you can save them for later considering you don't come out this way a lot so you don't get your favorite tacos a lot" " yeah " the waiter comes over and hands our food and drinks he looks at me as if he's never seen a woman in a dress before " um do you guys need anything else " he says as he rubs the back of his neck " no that's all, for now, thank you" i say with a smile " okay I'll be back in a bit to cheek up on you guys " with that he walks away I look over at Warren and see he's just picking at his food " what's wrong " " nothing i'm cool " Warren Keith Martin don't lie " godlee you don't have to say my full name " " then tell me what's wrong " " I just get a little jelouse " he says quitely " I know we aren't dating but I get jelouse but we aren't dating so I can't say anything " he says where I can hear him I stay quite not really knowing what to say he's actualy telling me things insted of just shuting me out " I'm sorry ma I'll try not to let it bother me that niggas do that after all why wouldn't they you are so fucking sexy " I smile " no it's just that you never use to tell me how you felt directly you always use to I don't know hint at it I guess " I know ma I'm trying to change that not only to try and get you back but for myself " "I know I can tell you've been working on changing " he smiles like a kid in a candy store " I'm glade you noticed I've been trying shit and it's hard because man niggas been trying me " i giggle as i take a bite into my eighth taco he looks at me like im the only girl in the world making me blush like crazy he smirks nowing that makes me blush even more " stoooop " he chuckles " what I do ma " " always making me blush " well I can't help it I love seeing you smile I see you enjoyed your tacos " " I loved them " " I can see you finished them " " oh shut up " he chuckles damn he so sexy we both finish our food and I look down playing with my fingers " what's wrong ma " " um I really wanna ask you something but I'm not sure how to ask " he looks at me wanting to know " go ahead and ask it's okay " " so um I wanna know the reason why you said you had to go away