My Experience Since
Oh, boy. Get ready for a long one.
On October 23, 2020, I asked God to get rid of my doubt, and He did! I no longer have any doubts about His existence, and I believe every word written in the Bible.
On October 28, 2020, I didn't write down why, but I'm assuming I felt God's presence again, and I was filled with an overwhelming sense of joy for what He'd done for me.
On October 29, 2020, I asked God to let me meet more of my siblings in Christ, and He delivered. I have the occasional conversation with other Christians on Instagram here and there, and I met a Christian friend here on Quotev, although I may have met her before I asked. Still, God delivered on His promise, and is still delivering. Also on this day, I asked God to help me figure out my feelings for a boy that I- thankfully- did not date, because that could have led to spiritual disaster. So, thank You, Father, for keeping me out of that relationship and sending me home for months on end so that my feelings for him would disappear. Thank You! And thank you for putting the desire in me to want You more than a romantic relationship.
On October 30, 2020, I started the first draft of my testimony, which filled up half a page in a notebook because it was pretty brief and didn't go into detail about anything. God's brought me quite far since then.
On October 31, 2020, I recognized how absolutely perfect God's timing is, and I still stand by that statement.
On November 3, 2020, I recognized that God was beginning to change my heart in regards to my anger. I still struggle with it here and there, but God has moved me miles in comparison to where I was just a few months ago. Getting angry just isn't fulfilling anymore.
On November 4, 2020, I realized that material things were temporary, and that's a good reminder for things now, because, again, material things are temporary, and I'd much rather focus on God than on temporary things. I am so glad that God is helping me with this, too, because I feel as if He's moved me miles in this, too.
On November 6, 2020, I realized that God gave me a character idea, and that that character is now the main character of a story idea that God gave me in order to glorify Him! The things I used to delight in, God has taken and has changed so that they glorify Him! Isn't that amazing? In my own words, 'I'm telling you, God works in amazing and unseen ways'.
On November 10, 2020, I recognized that I might not be alive without Him. I was insanely depressed as a child, and knowing that God loved me- and fearing what might happen if I took my own life- led me to stick through my hardships. That, and the best friend God had put in my life.
On November 12, I asked God to change my heart so that I would do more good, and although I am not perfect, some good things are a lot more natural to me. God is working on my heart, and I am forever grateful for it. I love you, God!
On November 14, I asked God to fill me with an enthusiasm to spend more time with Him, and to help me stop rushing through my time with Him, and He delivered! God has helped me to slow down and spend more time with Him. Some days, I spend hours sitting at His feet and talking to Him, and those days are some of the best days, because-more often than not- those are the days that lead to breakthroughs in my faith and my relationship with God, and I will forever be grateful for them. I love you, God, and thank You so much for having me spend time with You! I love You! Oh, and I also began to pray over the stories I'm writing. God gave me one God-idea that's still in the early stages of development (Godless), one God-idea that will be a comic/written story when completed that I just began (The Little Leaf), and one God-idea to radically change the Wrong Winged series so that it might reflect His glory, and not my own. That, and I finally recognized that my abilities to write and draw are gifts from Him. God is amazing!
On November 15, 2020, I heard the story of a preemie that was presumed dead, but survived 6-8 hours in a fridge due to God's amazing grace. Although I said I'd be okay with never having a baby of my own at this point, I didn't truly mean it. Now, however, I do mean it, and I would gladly forgo motherhood in exchange for a relationship with my God. I didn't write down what led to it, but God revived my faith again that day, likely though helping me feel His presence again, too.
On November 16, 2020, I thanked God for the work He'd already done on my heart, because that's apparently when I continued to notice a change in my behavior, and I have faith that He will keep working at my heart and changing my behavior for the better, so that I can glorify Him in all that I do.
On November 18, 2020, was the first obvious miracle. I only wrote it down on the 19, but here we go. I'm writing out a quote for this one:
"So, really quick, I just want to talk about last night. So, I had a mental breakdown for a while there. Cried out to God, and just like that, it was over. The tears stopped, and my mood did a nice little 180. I went to bed happy. God can do insane things, guys. He literally saved me from a mental breakdown the moment I asked Him to. God is good, and He's always looking out for us. Last night- for me, at least- proves it."
On November 19, 2020, I recognized why God made the Sabbath, and how much smarter God was than I could ever be for inventing the Sabbath in the first place, because we all need a day of rest, or we'll run dry.
On November 20, 2020, although I didn't write much about it, God revealed His presence to me again. I know this because on the 21, I wrote about thanking Him for being with me the night before. I probably posted about it on Instagram instead of writing it down, which wasn't the smartest move, and I'll be sure to have a physical copy in the future.
November 21, 2020: "I worship no one and nothing but God, and I want to worship no one and nothing but God. Sure, I enjoy other things, but I wouldn't look at art and say it saved me or is the most important thing in my life. I can survive without art. I can't survive without God."
On November 22, 2020, God had me take a break so that I wouldn't be frustrated when I went to talk to him, and it worked out for the better. I also asked about the 40 day challenge again, and He answered me on December 2/3 (I started it on the third, but I marked the second down as the first day), and I finished it for the second time. Oh, and I asked God to give me the courage to pray out loud, and it's pretty natural for me now. When I'm alone, at least, that is. I'm still gaining the confidence to continue to pray out loud when my sister walks into the room, but I have faith that God will lead me down the right path.
On November 23, 2020, God showed me that I should be thankful for the home I grew up in, because who knows where I'd be if I wasn't born into this family, and who knows if I would know God. I should hope that I would, but I can't help but wonder if even the slightest change could have had a horrible impact on my life. So, thank You, Father for having me be born into the household that I was.
On November 24, 2020, I first asked God how I'm supposed to spend my Sabbaths. He hasn't given me a set answer, but more of a week-by-week answer. Case in point, a few weeks ago, I sat on the floor of my bedroom and talked to Him for a few hours straight. January 2, I am worked on my testimony. January 9, I spent the whole day (more or less) with him. He answers on a week-by-week basis depending on what He knows I need. I also asked for time management skills, which I still don't 100% have, but I'm getting better at it, and grace and praise be to God for the work he's done on my life in this regard.
On November 25, I was talking to God about the rift between me and my parents, and while I was talking about my dad, he was in the room with me. (It was early and I did one devotional early in the morning to start my day with God, and because Nicole and I share a room, I go downstairs to be alone, and my dad came downstairs to get ready for work before I was done.) My dad gave me a bit of encouragement before he left for work, and I think that helped me with my relationship with my earthly father, and I feel like God brought my dad downstairs so that that could happen. Thank You, Father, for that. 😊
On the 26 of November, I was at my grandma's house, and I managed to spend time with God, even though I couldn't be alone, and I'm convinced that was a good decision, just so that I could have a bit of time with my Father that day.
On the 28th of November, God reassured my faith again, likely by having me feel his presence.
On November 30, 2020, I turned sixteen. God brought me through 16 years of life outside the womb. That, in itself, is a miracle.
On December 3, I started the Draw the Circle challenge for the second time, and I kind of cheated so that that 'starting' date would be on the 2. But, hey. At least I started it. Oh, and I was fasting from chocolate and the wrong winged series. (I didn't figure out the wrong winged series until halfway through, and I might have broken the chocolate things multiple times, and for that, I'm sorry.)
On December 3, I had to face the facts and realize that answers aren't microwaveable, so thank You, Father, for helping me realize that. Oh, and later, He helped me realize that His Will was "as long as it takes", not "as soon as possible". It's this way so that God gets all the glory in the end, and so that I won't assume I accomplished anything.
On December 9, 2020, God helped me pass my driver's permit test. (This is supposed to be a joke to lighten the mood, but also serious, because I was insanely stressed about this, and God helped me so that I would not be stressed about it anymore. He cheered me up, and He helped me find the time to get all of my work done, and He helped me to recognize all of that as His doing, and that all of the credit for it belonged to Him.)
On December 10, 2020, I felt God's presence again. Here is a quote from the 11th:
"First off, before I start, God reminded me of His presence last night. Last time, He took away my tears. This time, He gave me tears and an overwhelming sense of love and affection for Him. And I hope I never forget how that felt. Thank You, Father, for it. You deserve all of the credit for that. I love You, Father, so much."
On December 11, 2020, I realized that I needed to forgive a girl named Molly. If I ever see her again, I'll apologize for the way I treated her, too.
On December 12, 2020, God urged me to constantly talk to Him as a reminder that He was still there.
December 13, 2020: My day for God.
"I felt like today should be a day for God. I started out downstairs, then moved upstairs after the rest of the family left. I was about to just sit and write while I was up there, but then I decided to pray, and God decided to hit me with the Holy Spirit, and I ended up crying and thanking Him and begging Him not to let me forget how He felt. After that, I just straight up talked to Him for a few hours (I think). I figured out some stuff and also figured out some stuff I need to talk more about, and I decided that I want to also make this a continual conversation, not just a 'oh, this time is for God, and this isn't'. So, thank You, God, for that. I love You!"
On December 15, I asked God to help me figure out how to balance school and a relationship with God. I haven't gotten an answer yet- or at least I haven't figure out the answer yet- but I have faith that my God will answer me and show me what I need to do. God had me write little snippets of encouragement to my future self right before I went to bed, too.
On December 16, I realized that I feel God's presence more and more with the closer I get to God.
On December 19, I again recognized how much I don't deserve, and I asked that He would fill me with an enthusiasm to serve Him. He did, and although I have ups and downs in this regard, I know that He is still working on my heart and working to keep me enthusiastic in serving Him, because I am willing to be willing, and He just wants my heart and my willingness.
December 21, 2020:
"Before I draw my circle today, I want to remind myself of last night. God is faithful. So, so very faithful, and I cling to Him and Him alone. God has already won the fight for my heart, because He's already won this war. And I can be no more thankful. I believe in You, God, and I believe that Your Son is my Savior. Amen."
December 22, 2020 was when I realized that it was wrong to rejoice in the fall of an enemy.
December 27, 2020, I recognized that I'm a work-in-progress and sure am not perfect, but I need to strive to be as perfect as I can to show my love for my heavenly father. Me being a work-in-progress isn't an excuse for me to make mistakes while being fully aware of it.
On December 31, 2020, I was beginning to feel distant from Him, and he placed resources here and there in front of me for me to slowly make my way back to Him, and by the 8th, He'd brought me back to Him. Also, on the 31, I began to annotate and attempt to learn from His word, and not just read it.
On January 1, 2021, I fasted through the entire day. I dedicated the year to God in this way, and I asked Him to guide me down the road He wants for me to take, and I stick to that prayer, and I believe that He is slowly showing me what I need to change and what I need to do to best serve and pursue Him. I made a list of faith-based resolutions, too.
On January 2, 2021, I asked God to change my heart, because my desire to spend eternity with Him was half out of a love for Him, and half out of a selfish desire and a fear of eternal damnation. I want the love for Him to be 100% the motivation behind my desire to spend eternity with Him (that was pretty fast, because God is already working on my heart in this regard, and He deserves all of the praise. I'm sure that, soon, this will be completely healed. I also asked God to help me to stop having such disgusting thoughts, too, which I have complete faith that He will help me do. Also, on this day, I verbalized why all of this is for God, and here's the answer: God chose to love me and give me life and a path to a relationship with Him, even though I truly don't deserve it and even though I am a Gentile (non-Jew). So, even though I can never repay Him fully, I am going to live my life in a way that glorifies Him in all that I do so that I can show my gratitude.
Oh, and I got sick on the second, and I want to praise God for giving me a family that would wake up in the middle of the night (3:44 A.M.) to take care of me.
On January 3, 2021, I realized that Song of Songs (you might know this book as Song of Solomon) is meant to be a representation of God's love for his church. (If you've read it, you probably get why it confused me.)
On January 4, 2021, I made a list of my blessings. I also began to memorize a few verses.
On January 6, 2021, I sat and talked with God for a while, and we got a lot worked out. (By the way, when I say I talked with God, I haven't yet heard his voice clearly. For me, it's a lot of gut feelings and research to determine what God wants.) I also wrote out a mini list of things I needed to hand over to God, so that I depend more on Him than on those earthly things.
On January 9th, 2021, I spent the whole day with God, sitting in my room. I talked to Him again, figured some things out, re-confessed my sins, wrote some things down to research, and felt pretty good by the end of the day, after talking to Him.
Now, things aren't going to be perfect. Case in point, on January 10, 2021 (last night), a random, horrible sense of anxiety seized me. I am working on this right now with God, and I just wanted to mention this as an encouragement to turn to God at every struggle. God does not promise that life will be without struggle, but He does promise that He will never let us go through anything He cannot bring us through and we cannot handle. God is faithful, and God is looking out for each and every one of us, so stay strong.
I'm also struggling with keeping my priorities straight and knowing how best to serve God as a sixteen year old girl who can draw and tell stories. He's shown me some ways, and I believe that this is one of them.