Chapter 16: Putting a Happy Face on Death
Date: August 27th, 2004
Location: Tulsa, OK
A thief who stole groceries from a blind pregnant woman was on the run from the policeman. He hides in a car wash to escape. Unaware that the thief was in there, the owner of the car wash runs the daily maintenance check. The thief panics and struggles to get away from the showering water. Fortunately, he slips, and his head is impaled in the back by a powerful water nozzle, producing one-thousand pounds of pressurized water inside his head. The thief's head then explodes, popping off like a champagne bottle cork. Gives new meaning to the word "hosed", doesn't it? Karma will blow your freaking mind...literally!
Way To Die #712: Rub-A-Dubbed Out
Date: May 19, 2007
Location: Santa Fe, NM
Fernando matches up with a man nicknamed "Maldito" ("The Wicked One" in Spanish) in an illegal cock fight, hoping to put some food on the table for his family with the help of his prize rooster, "Corazón" ("Heart" in Spanish). Maldito's rooster "El Caliente" ("The Hot One" in Spanish), was a seasoned killer/murderer; Corazón was ultimately outmatched. In a blur of claws and feathers, El Caliente wins the match and Corazón is killed. But while the crowd erupts with approval, Fernando's grief was replaced with suspicion; upon closer inspection, he spots tiny razors hidden on the back of El Caliente's talons, meaning that Maldito had cheated all along. Fernando spread the word and the crowd turned into an angry mob and chased Maldito around the room. Maldito couldn't find a way to escape. He stumbled and fell. But just as the mob was about to attack and kill him, El Caliente gets there first, having turned against his owner; he slashed Maldito's throat with his hidden razors, cutting open the jugular vein. Maldito bleeds out and dies within seconds.
Way To Die #616: Cock-a-doodle DIE
Date: 08-02-2008
Location: Miami, FL
Cynthia is acting out a bondage fantasy with her husband Kenny through a live webcam when a burglar breaks into the house and begins stealing things. Cynthia's mouth is duct-taped and she is handcuffed to her chair, so she cannot escape, stop the burglar, or scream for help. After taking her laptop, he leans over her face to thank her for making his job easy before running off with her things before he leaves. While Cynthia smells the thief's extremely bad breath, she vomits, but the duct tape prevents it from exiting her mouth. Instead, it goes down her windpipe into her lungs and she dies from drowning.
Way To Die #534: Chucked up
Date: 03-13-2005
Location: Houston, TX
Two dwarf professional wrestlers named Spud and Nick battle for a crowd and get paid a lot of money. They celebrate by getting drunk and having sex with some women. The drunk dwarves destroy everything in their hotel room in an effort to impress the women. They finish off by running head-on into a wall, trying to break it. Nick breaks through, but Spud hits the part of the wall supported by a 2x4 stud, and the veins inside his head burst. He dies from a combination of brain swelling and bleeding.
Spud was a big man in a small world, but in the face-off with a stud, he came up short.
Way To Die #332: Little person, Big Death
Date: July 13, 2005
Location: Tucson, AZ
A man named Warren, paranoid to the point of paralysis and insomnia over current events and subcribling to various conspiracy theories, places booby-traps around his house to protect himself. To get some much-needed sleep, he takes some sleeping pills, but the pills come with the side-effect of sleepwalking. Later that night, Warren sleepwalks to his refrigerator to get some food, managing to escape every trap he placed along the way. However, when he sits down to eat, a laser-operated shotgun is triggered, shooting him in the head and causing instant death.
"Warren felt the world was out to get him, but in the head, he had nothing to fear but fear himself."
Way To Die #254: Booby-Zapped
Date: 09-06-2007
Location: Huacaña, Peru
Two travelers named Geezer and Trip travel the world on their quest to achieve the ultimate high. After smoking some plants, they then search a marsh for a frog that is supposed to give a person hallucinogenic effects if they lick its secretions. Unbeknownst to the two travelers, the frog they licked was the poison dart frog (which is native to South America) and not the Colorado River toad (which is the real frog they were looking for, which lives in the Southwest United States). The toxins from the frog end up leading to paralysis, which causes heart failure and death. Oh well, at least they got high before their demise.
Way To Die #234: Frogged
Date: 08-15-2004
Location: Naperville, IL
A woman named Patty is tending to her garden when a cyclist pulls up next to her, needing help with his flat tire. Patty becomes enamored by how well-endowed he is and he agrees to go out on a date with her sometime. To prepare for her date, Patty practices fellatio on a zucchini, but she accidentally steps onto the blade of a hoe lying on the ground. The handle swings up, lodging the zucchini down Patty's throat and causing her to choke to death.
"Patty tried to prepare for her big date. She just bit off more than she could chew."
Way To Die #114: Veghed-Out
Date: April 5th, 2012
Location: Omaha, Nebraska
Jimmy, a hazardous material removal worker hates his job, but enjoys getting high off nitrous oxide (laughing gas). Jimmy experiments with a gas mask, hooking it up to a tank of nitrous oxide and pumping it full of the stuff. Wanting to take his high to the next level, he dons his Hazmat suit and connects it to the nitrous oxide tank which fills up automatically. After a few minutes of breathing in nothing but laughing gas, he suffocates and dies.
Way To Die #195: The Last Laugh