Chapter 19: The Death Must Go On
Well...that was a short halt...anyways, we are back you beautiful bitches and get ready cuz the next chapter of 1000 ways to die is coming up in
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Date: 12-07-2006
Location: St. Augustine, FL
A devout Buddhist woman named Serenity practices yoga and meditation, hoping to achieve what the Buddhists refer to as "Satori". To relax her mind, she prepares to enter in a homemade isolation tank full of warm water. As she is changing into something more comfortable for the tank, a Florida water moccasin enters her home and crawls inside the tank for warmth. Serenity fails to notice the venomous snake due to her blissed out state as it crawls up her body and bites her on the left side of her jaw, subjecting her to a lethal dose of venom.
Way To Die #113: Tanks For Nothing
Date: June 21st, 2002
Location: Nashville, TN
A dwarf named Ramone dates an abusive lover named Doris who wants him to make money. Ramone tries to practice for a musical stand-up comedy act, but he is not funny. After testing his hackneyed jokes numerous times in front of Doris, she finally gets fed up and hits him in the face with her purse, causing his harmonica to go down his throat and choke him to death while Doris laughs, thinking his choking is part of the act. Before she finally realizes he's actually choking, it's too late.
Way To Die #322: Harmoni-can't
Date: 10-09-2003
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Wanda and her husband, Marco, were out taking a hike near a cliff. He had originally planned to divorce her, but he later had planned to murder her to collect her insurance. During the hike, Marco excuses himself from Wanda to secretly call his lover. Thinking Marco was peeing in the bushes, Wanda informs him to come on. When they view the scenery, Marco begins the plan, making it look like he's taking a picture of him and Wanda with his camera phone. However, Wanda shoves Marco off the edge of the cliff by accident after trying to fight him off in self-defense. This results in a treacherous tumble, strait to the base of the mountain. During the fall, the rocky mountainside breaks many of his bones. The mountainside broke his back, crushed his spine, shattered his skull, snapped his neck, broke his arms and legs, destroyed his internal organs, caused irreversible brain damage, unfathomable agony, and total annihilation, sending the attempted-killing husband to the hell as he deserves.
Way To Die #111: Tumble Die
Date: 11-07-2008
Location: Hollywood, CA
Joey was a guitar player who wanted to become a famous musician. He was listening to a segment of his recording when suddenly, the landlord knocks on his door. Joey was trapped and hid in his murphy bed. When the landlord knocks the door down, Joey stays in the bed and waits. However, when the landlord leaves, Joey's murphy bed is stuck and he cannot get out. To make things worse, Joey had soundproofed his room with cheap egg cartons and no one could hear his muffled cries for help. Joey then suffocates to death.
Way To Die #120: Greatful bed
Date: June 19th, 1998
Location: Waterloo, IA
A thief named Dickie hides behind a "Virtual Golf" display in an arcade to wait for closing time. Bored and impatient, he cuts a hole in the display screen to see outside and, as he is looking, someone hits a golf ball into the screen, which strikes Dickie in the forehead, fracturing his skull and killing him instantly, putting an end to his plans before they even began.
Way To Die #479: FORE-head
Date: 01-17-2007
Location: Paso Robles, CA
Brandy had recently married an old geezer millionaire. Turns out she only loves him for his money. Brandy would often hide inside her high-security vanity room to spend time with her husband's money that she skimmed from his accounts, even after her husband would refuse to raise her allowance due to the economy. While skimming and messing around with her husband's money one night, a minor freak-of-nature earthquake shakes the room, causing heavy bags of money to knock Brandy out and then suffocate her to death.
Way To Die #333: Money Can't Buy Me...DEATH
Date: May 2nd, 2005
Location: Sioux Falls, SD
Murph attends a wedding of the woman he loved (who is getting married to another man) to get his revenge on her. He bribes a waiter to sneak in a laxative into the bride's drink, but the waiter, having a thought of morality, sneaks it into Murph's drink instead. The laxative takes effect on Murph during the toast, and he rushes to the bathroom. After finding the only stall occupied by a couple making out who refuse to leave, Murph relieves himself in an outdoor trash can. Unfortunately, as he struggles to get out, the trash can tips over and sends Murph rolling down a rough hill, killing him from multiple bone fractures and skull trauma.
Way To Die #412: OH CRAP, YOUR DEAD!!!
Date: 09-28-2001
Location: Simi Vally, CA
Five cheerleaders from Simi Valley University are promoting a car wash to raise some money. The fact is, Simi Valley University doesn't exist, and these so-called "cheerleaders" are actually strippers. They were desperate to earn more money and they accept whatever payment a customer has. One of their customers, a perverted elderly widower named Harold, cruised into the car wash, and said how dirty his car was. He was going into the car wash version of a happy ending when he saw how sexy the strippers were. One of them got a power buffer to polish Harold's car, but little did she know that the buffer's cord was exposed and is near a pool of water. The buffer gets wet by an igniting spark, electrocuting all five strippers in the process, who were dead before they could hit the pavement.
Way To Die #238: Washed And Fried
Date: 08-14-1956
Location: Los Angeles, CA
A woman named Betty on a double date with Suzy refuses to let her boyfriend, Joe make out with her, fearing her beehive hairdo will be ruined. Finally, he gets frustrated with her and the two step outside to smoke cigarettes, with Joe lighting hers for her. Only problem: back in the 50's, hairspray contained alcohol and other flammable substances, causing Betty's hair to burn hotter and longer. The flame from his lighter sets fire to her hair, saturated with hairspray. Betty dies when the fire spreads to her scalp, burning her brain and cooking her skull.
Way To Die #300: Dead Hair Day
Date: 10-21-1992
Location: Pomona, CA
A drug addict named Dennis abused everything from pain killers to antidepressants to cocaine to crystal meth.
Dennis tries a random combination of drugs each night. One night, Dennis takes a combination of pills that drastically slows down his perception of time. Dennis tries to talk on the phone, but they can't keep up with him. He tries to listen to music, but with his perception of time skewed, it's also too slow. Finally, Dennis tries to watch his lava lamp. Not moving fast enough for him, Dennis decides to put the lava lamp in the microwave. After a few minutes of microwaving, the lava lamp explodes and Dennis is killed by a combination of the boiling hot liquid and the shards of glass embedded in his head and his skull, thus silencing the impatient speed freak, permanently.
Way To Die #539: Your Ass Is Glassed
Date: 05-12-2000
Location: San Francisco, CA
Peter begrudgingly agrees to take care of his girlfriend Annie's pet cat, Rocky, while she is away on a business trip. Little does she know that he hates and is allergic to cats. To pass time away and dull his girlfriend's frustration, he drinks heavily, becoming more aggressive as he did so. He tries to kick the cat, misses by a mile, slips on the rug he's standing on, and he hits his head on the fireplace slab, losing consciousness in the process. Peter then rolls over and lands on the cat's water dish face-down, and drowns from breathing in the water.
Way To Die #88: Cat-astrophe
Date: 09-19-1998
Location: Austin, TX
Arlene was a very loving gardener, hoping to keep herself from aging. She thought that blending juices with wheat grass would do the trick. Little did she know that her wheat grass was toxic. Once in a while, while Arlene was away, her landlord would spray rat poison everywhere in her garden, including the wheat grass. Unaware of her landlord's actions, she consumed her blended juices anyway, but eventually, she would feel sick to her stomach. She thought more blended juices would cure the problem, but the wheat grass was still poisoned. Eventually, Arlene died while on her exercise ball after the rat poison's toxins caused internal bleeding, and a brain hemorrhage.
Way Of Death #457: One Big Killer Drink
Date: 06-17-2012
Location: Atlanta, GA
Moira, a pompous, obnoxious has-been golf star, and her husband, Josh, were a married couple, taking shots at playing golf, and at each other. They would fight and insult each other at public courses while taking swings at their putters, alienating other people.
"Oh, and by the way, you know my secretary? I've been screwing her for the past six months!"
"Ha, well you know what? So have I!"
-Josh and Moira's final argument
"Mark Twain described golf as 'a good walk ruined.' For these two, it was one long bad drive."
Josh loses focus on where their golf cart is going, due to him also being drunk, and the cart rolls down the hill, until it landed...in the pit of despair. During the crash, Josh and Moira sustained fatal head and neck injuries, silencing the couple forever.
Way To Die #116: Tumble Die
Date: 08-21-2001
Location: San Jose, CA
Chef Wang is the head chef of an illegal underground restaurant. Why is it illegal? The foods he cook are made from endangered and protected animals. He told his assistant that his tonight's cooking/dish is a king cobra. However, the snake managed to get out of the metal cooking pot it was in when it accidentally fell off the counter. He crawls on the floor and tried to capture the angry venomous snake. While attempting to catch it by charming it in order to get his attention, the angry venomous snake bites him by the face through his skull, leaving Chef Wang screaming in pain. His assistant is left completely horrified to see the snake infection across his face, which looks like a snake, and he dies while in a coma.
Way To Die #142: Recipe For Disaster