social pain

I turn around fully this time to meet eyes with the boy who was left behind. He has shiny brown hair, dark brown eyes, and a face that seems new every time you look at it. His face is full of of depth but it's strangely easy to see what he's feeling with his body language. He looks back at me with a smile and says "Guess it's just us"

I nod and turn back to the teacher. "Yes it's just you to" she says "You two can do the duet together instead. Your partners can work with each other."

My eyes widen and I suddenly don't know where to put my hands. Minho on the other hand nods comfortably and sticks a hand out. I look up at him confused and he darts his eyes towards my hand and then back at my face. I shake his hand and he smiles satisfied.

When we were practicing there was a large crowd so I was able to hide my painful expressions. With just us two I won't be able to hide my pain. While I'm still figuring out how to hide my thoughts, I hear Minho suddenly speak in my favor.

"Teacher, Jina and I are tired so can we maybe practice another time?"

It's pretty obvious that I'm the only one who's having trouble so I wave my hands in denial and say that I'm fine.

The teacher begins instructing us on how to dance the duet part and orders Minho to stand in front of me. He stands in front of me and according to her instructions puts his hands on my waist. He brings his head towards my inner neck and with the vampire theme and pushes me back after a second. At this point I'm supposed to fall back but run back into his arms as if I'm possessed.

As the instructor continues to take us through all the moves slowly I feel my breath beginning to get faster and find myself having a harder time breathing. Trying my best to not make it obvious I gently squeeze my eyes together controlling the pain. This dance was supposed to be us both entrapped in each others gazes and I have continued not meeting eyes with him the whole time. I know he's realized that something is wrong because the whole time my eyes have been squinting in pain and I haven't met his even once.

We continue to practice for an hour as she keeps repeating the moves with us. After going through it a few times she asks us to go through the whole thing without her. Surprisingly with much effort I keep my eyes closed and perform with him. Once we're finished I wait for her to comment on my lack of eye contact and expressions but instead she tells us to continue practicing.

"I have to go but I want you two to practice for one more hour and then leave."

We nod our heads and bow in respect as she leaves.

Minho turns around to face me. He has a indescribable look of concern on his face but I brush it off with a smile.

"Should we practice?" I ask quietly

He hums in response and I go stand facing him. We don't have much of a height difference but he is tall enough to look down slightly as I stand in front of him.

He suddenly turns around taking off his sweatshirt to reveal a black t-shirt.

I also move aside and remove my bucket hat and run my hand through my hair feeling the warmth. I can feel his stare on the side of my face, but strangely it doesn't feel weird at all. I realize that because I've only been around Hawon and Seungwon my quality of talking to people isn't very up to date. Instead the only way I express myself is through the lyrics I write. Maybe this is an opportunity for me to learn how to be in social situations that aren't comfortable. yet.