Fighting Feelings

"Soul mates may be linked, but fight to separate, causing wounds and confusion. They teach what no one else can."

– Donna Lynn Hope

"Aish that stupid cat!" I hissed in pain.

"Stop blaming Sunhee, Mia," Jimin sighed as he treated the wound in my palm.

"Yeah, that's right!" I exclaimed furiously, "Why should I blame it? You are the one taking care of it, right? I'd be surprised if it hadn't done any better"

"Mia, stop squirming," Jimin said with frustration as he dipped the ointment.

Yeah, that stupid good-for-nothing cat just scratched my hand. Jimin was playing catch using a ball with it and I was checking whether any news has come regarding the accident on my laptop. Everything was going well until the ball landed on my lap and the cat jumped into me. I panicked a little at the abrupt presence and tried to push it away but it clawed my palm and jumped away. I don't know why but from the minute we saw each other we have this unknown hate between each other. It always sneered whenever Jimin put it beside me and the feeling was quite mutual. Now, I've got another reason to hate that stupid cat.

"I'm lucky it isn't too deep," I grumbled, "If it had been then I'd have to go take injections"

Jimin just rolled his eyes as he wrapped the bandage around my left palm gently. I was watching how small his hand was. Though he'd lost a lot of weight comparing to his past self, his hand remained chubby and small. It was surprisingly cute though and not to mention soft and mildly warm.

"There," he said tying a knot and patting it.

I retraced my hand. The cut was small but why did he have to put so many bandages.

"Oh, I almost forgot," he then took my hand in his again and KISSED on it.

Though it was not a direct contact I blushed and pulled it away from his grasp.

"W-What?!"

"We used to do that when we were young, remember?" he said that as if it was nothing, but I failed to notice his slight smirk, "When I fell down playing chase and scraped my elbow you treated it and kissed it saying it will heal better" he smiled at the memory.

"I-I don't remember that...exactly," I stammered looking away though remembering every single thing.

"Really? But I remember everything as if it happened yesterday," he grinned looking off to the distance clearly collecting his memories, "The day you came to my neighborhood along with uncle and aunt. You were so small and cute, you know. I wanted to hug you and never let go," he giggled to himself, "Next day when aunty came to my house along with you, you were so shy. You hid behind aunty and peaked to look at me. Aww...I can't help but cooe reminiscing the look on your face, " he turned to look at me, "But I held your hand and asked you to play and with your grandma's consent you followed me. You didn't know what language I was talking but you always somehow knew what I wanted or what I was trying to tell you. I even wonder now how you were able to read me like that. From there, we became best friends and played all summer together. It was beautiful, wasn't it?"

I kept quiet as snippets of memories flashed through my mind. It was not vivid much but it was still there as if craved into my mind for eternity. Him holding my hands every time, even then he craved physical touch and hugged me momentarily, I kinda liked it then.

"I'm glad that I got a chance to see my star again," Jimin stared into my eyes, "You are indeed my star, Mia. You always are. I missed you so much when you went away, I used to stare into the stars at night thinking about you. Thinking about the day I'll meet you again"

I smiled at him with happiness swelling inside me because I missed him too. I remember myself crying every single day after I came back to India thinking about him and his signature smile. It took weeks for me to go back to myself again. It was hard leaving him, I remember vividly how I clung to him after a last hug at the airport.

"You used to call me Chim," I snapped back from my memories and stared at Jimin who slightly took my uninjured hand in his. Surprisingly, I didn't flinch, "You couldn't spell it correctly, so you called me that," he chuckled probably thinking about how I used to call him, "Will you call me that?" there was hope in those eyes and it bored into mine.

I stared at him for a while contemplating his request. Finally, I decided to do as he told me. I'm happy that I happened to meet him too and it's the least I could do. Also, maybe I was excited to call him that nickname after all these years, maybe a little.

"Of course, Chim" I smiled grasping his hand in mine.

His smile reached his eyes as he pulled me into an eager hug which I happily returned. Warmth radiated through me as we both clutched into each other with smiles adorning our faces. The childhood memories flowing through us and those beautiful yet childish moments we both cherished together at the back of our minds still afresh. He breathed into my neck as I caressed the back of his head, passing my fingers through his smooth strands of hair. The warmth was so overwhelming that both of us didn't want to leave it and we knew it as we inhaled each other's scent.

"Mia..." he whispered, breath momentarily hitting my neck, "Do you remember the promise?"

My smile fell as I remembered.

I guess he sensed me becoming stiff as he pulled away to meet my eyes. He was threading into my embarrassed eyes almost like trying to find something he had lost a long ago. He lifted my chin up and willed to look at him which I hesitantly did. The whole world was there for me in it, the entire universe was there alluring me to explore it and uncover all the secrets and mysteries within its clutches. I felt sparks igniting in me when he moved his hand from under my chin to cup my cheek gently and with the other hand, he brushed the hair away from my face as if he wanted to see me as a whole.

"The promise we made before we drifted apart," he mumbled as he searched my eyes, "That if we happened to meet again..." I saw him gulping, "and if we are grown up by that time," he searched again now urgently, "we will mar-"

"Jimin, stop," I said now breaking out of my daze.

He looked at me confused and tilted his head a little.

I took his hands away from my face and stared at him blankly.

"Mia...what I was going to say was tha-"

"I know and that won't happen," I said now my cold demeanor coming back.

He looked taken aback. A little bit of hurt and confusion floated under his soft facade.

"Why not?" he asked frowning, "I mean we are soulmates and fate had brought us together for a reason."

"Simply because I don't want to and you too," I said with no expression.

"What do you mean I don't want to?" he asked with wide eyes.

I stayed silent.

Jimin sighed with frustration clearly building inside him as he closed his eyes and ruffled his hair making it messy atop his head. There was a mental debate going on inside him and I could see that, finally, he looked up at me with ragged breaths.

"Okay, Mia," he breathed in, "Why do you never want to talk about soulmates? You always avoid the topic and never allow me to even open my mouth about it. What's the reason? Is it because you don't want me to be your soulmate? Are you perhaps disgusted, because you always handle that topic that way? Just tell me what's wrong"

I kept silent.

"Mia, please why are you so afraid of talking about it? Why do you suddenly become cold whenever you hear that word? What's bothering you? Since the day we saw the couple you lowkey avoided me. Why? Why are you doing this? What do you expect to happen, huh? I'm your soulmate and how can you avoid that fact?"

He panted heavily after his outburst but I kept my gaze away from him. I heard him growling as he grabbed my shoulders and turned me around to face him. He searched for my eyes as anger and evident frustration reflected from him.

"Answer me!" he shouted.

Forgive me, Jimin. I'm sorry.

"By sending you back," I mumbled.

"What?"

"By sending you back to your goddamn body I can avoid your presence in this world," my tone icy cold as I stared at him emotionless, "Then we won't see each other and you will go back to your oh-so-important life being an idol with fangirls swooning over you. You can live your life your way while I live my pathetic not-so-important life here."

"W-What are you talking about?" hurt was the only thing I saw.

I gritted my teeth.

"I don't want to be your soulmate. Why can't you understand?" I scoffed, "I think I've told you about all this. I don't belong to you, Park Jimin. You are an idol, a worldwide one to that. You've millions of girls from all around the world wrapped on your finger and you want me to accept you as my soulmate? I'm not like any of them, you can clearly see that. I'm an ugly cold-hearted nerd who just has nothing out of ordinary, and how many times should I say that to you. I hate myself and I don't know about human emotions, and I don't want to," I laughed sarcastically, "Yes, I know I'm all that. I don't have one good quality to be considered to even be near you. And I hate this soulmate thing, just cliche. Life ain't a fairytale"

"Mia, don't say that. You are not ugly," he tried to hold my hand but I jerked him off, "You mean a lot to me".

I scoffed, "Only because you've got no choice. You could pull out all your sympathy on me and exhort to treat me a little good so you'll get what you want," I clearly don't want to say all of that, and every single word that leaves my mouth is flying right back at me and stabbing my heart but I had no choice, "And because this soulmate thing this attraction thing pulls around very much making it easier for you. This is just some sort of phantom, Park Jimin. There is nothing else just this responsibility of sending you back to where you came from. Nothing more, nothing less. The guy out there is trying to mess your brain, Park Jimin. Right, when you wake up you'll forget everything about me and you'll follow your life. Simple as it is"

"Mia, what are you talking about?" Jimin yelled at me, "Are you crazy? Do you think I'll forget about you just like that? What got into you? Have you been thinking about me like that after all this time I spent with you?"

"Yes, you are just some nasty ghost in my way," I said.

Now Jimin was on the verge of tears. Amidst our heated argument, we both had somehow gotten up from my bed and are facing each other. He looked torn apart and what I said last had clearly struck his chord. I wanted to shout at him that I was lying, that I really...Nevermind.

"S-So...I'm still not even y-your friend?" he asked as a tear flowed down his cheek.

"No," I forced out shivering a little inside.

"So, if I...confess to you that I have f-feelings for you, what'll you do?" he asked.

My head shot up at that. Oh no! I can't do this, I really can't. No, you have to! He deserves someone better than you, someone who is way kind, nice, and caring. That is not you. Gathering my courage and cursing myself I winced as I let out my next words devoid of any emotion.

"I'll reject you," I said icily willing myself to not break down.

Tears slipped out of his eyes as he whimpered and staggered in his place. He moved away from me with a look of horror. My eyes and hands twitched to reach out to his form but I held my ground regretfully. It hurt so much, every single tear he shed shot daggers at me, and my stomach churned painfully seeing his broken state.

"T-Tell m-me i-its a l-lie, M-Mia," he whispered, begging with his trembling voice

My throat tightened. I can't! Why am I holding back? Why am I denying my feelings? I shook off my thoughts. No! I can't be with him. Even if he's hurt now, he'll be alright. He'll move on. He can't be here, he can't be here with me.

Unable to form any words afraid of stammering I shook my head sternly.

He hastily walked up to me and I surprised me by the close proximity. My heart threatened to jump out of my chest when he took my hand in his and guided it to rest it on his chest, right where his heart was beating wildly. The vibration alone made me shiver and look up at him.

He stared at me with sadness, pain, disappointment, and anger. Not wanting to give away I looked away from him. My facade was slowly crumbling down to my horror. I don't want to cry in front of him. Why? Why does this have to happen?

I traced up the tears forming in my eyes.

It's any moment now.

"You were the reason it kept beating," he sniffled, his nose and cheeks red. My head shot up to look at him, "Now it doesn't have a reason to" he painfully said and retraced his hand away from mine.

With that, he rushed outside my room with my hand hanging in the air.

Nothing.

That's what I felt.

It's like that a part of my soul went away.

My tears refused to come out now as he was gone. I shakily sat on my bed looking down and thinking about what he said. His painful face was not going away from my mind no matter how hard I tried. I can't believe I didn't wipe those tears like I always did for him.

I looked up to see Sunhee sitting on the floor looking at me judgementally. I guess the creature hates me more than ever now and a scowl from it confirmed it.

"Don't you dare scowl at me, you pesky little cat," I spat.

It almost felt like it rolled its eyes at me as it walked away and sat at the foot of my bed obediently still staring at me.

"What? Do you want to go with him?" I growled.

It didn't even move.

"Whatever" I sighed exasperated and laid on my bed with a headache slightly sprouting.

Will he be alright?

I hope so. By morning he'll come back to me. Yeah, I wasn't too harsh, was I?

Who was I kidding?