Chapter 17

(Our souls will forever be indebted to each other-OM)

I open my eyes and there's my mother pacing. There seemed to be a stale feeling about my surrounding. Uncertain about my location I start to panic. My thoughts bring me back to the mansion. The dark room they left me in to suffer alone in pain. The oxygen was leaving my body. I felt suffocated. My soul trying to escape my body again, but this time it was unpleasant. Very uncomfortable and disturbing. I was dying.

"Doctor! Doctor! Help please she's dying!" I heard screaming and a calling out for help." My vision still unclear, I then met the brown eyes and ... black!

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I open my eyes again and I saw the brightest light that I've ever encountered in my life. The sun doesn't shine this bright.

The illumination summoned me and my is mind completely lost in this gleaming light. Uncertain of what lays behind it,I move closer to it ignoring the pain in my eyes. Summoned and intrigued ,before I could reach it a baby came crawling before me. She looked too small to crawl. Quite fragile and frail. She came towards me and laid before me on her back. I leaned closer to pick her up. I then met her eyes. Hazel like the fertile land that grew all the crops to feed the world.

Am I dead... I have been asking myself this question a lot ... I don't fear death but I fear what comes after it. I fear the unknown... the mystery of what's behind it. I know that after life comes death but what comes after death?

The unknown terrifies me.

I rubbed my thumb against her sweet- toned skin. She gave out a delightful giggle. She has curly dark hair like my little sisters. She stole my heart. I was smitten. My heart was melted by her sweet giggles. I am madly in love with this little creature in front of me. Her mother must be very lucky. She reached out her hands and I picked her up from the floor. She looked at me like she knew me. She then rested her head on my chest. Satisfied by her warm breaths on my neck. This warmness seems so strange yet normal. I have two younger siblings but I've never felt this way when they were in my arms. I removed her gently from my chest and cradled her. She shook a little and yawned. I leaned in to kiss her forehead and she ,with a tender manner opened her eyes. This time they were different. Well one of them was. One was still the same, bronze and hazel while the other turned black. Like the night sky filled with stars. It had a faint brown in it when the gleaming light hits her beautiful face. The stars in her eyes seemed to move. It was like I was watching shooting the stars at night. I feel so much close to her yet so far away from her,very strange. The illumination before us shone brighter and this time I had to protect the infant from it and I hid both of our faces with my hands. Without warning it became dark, unable to see my surroundings I start to panic. I try to remain calm for the baby ,but I can't feel her no more, she's gone!

She's out of my reach! I try to look for her in this endless darkness, screaming ,baby! Baby! I don't even know her name or where she came from. I start crying and yelling out help! Not even knowing my location. Quick and unexpected the Illumination comes back... and I see her again. I am so relieved and happy, overjoyed by that little face looking at me to come pick her up. "Mama" she says to me. My heart immediately drops. I see tears flowing. As I step closer to be next to her , something trips me and I fall on my knees. Unable to move, I'm sucked into a black hole. I hear the baby screaming,not thinking about myself I try to fight whatever that's trying to take me away from this baby. I want to save her. I want her in my arms,safe and out of danger. I'm unable to fight this powerful force that's pulling me back from her. I'm on the ground being wrestled and pulled back by who knows what. I let it win because now I'm exhausted and I'm powerless. I look back and I see half of my body disappearing into the black whole. I close my eyes allowing myself to be consumed by the darkness.

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I open my eyes and I'm back in that musty room. Surrounded by uniformed individuals. They looked like nurses and one like a male doctor.

The room was unpleasantly bright, I had to squint my eyes to protect myself from being blinded by the lights.

"The lights please" I whispered.

One of the nurses dimmed the lights and I was able to see their faces quite clearly now. The doctor looks quite charming. I mean he is hot, I might consider doing medicine so that he can be my senior. Like he even makes spicy peppers jealous. I'm completely lost in his lips. Forgetting that I'm being spoken to.

"Ms Matthews, ms Matthews?"

"Uhm... sorry what?"

"Ms Matthews do you know where you are?"

Still distracted by his presence and the way he calls me by my surname.

"Uhh.. yeah yeah well sorry no"

"You in Wilson hospital."

"I am going to call your mother and I'll tell you what's wrong with you."

He looked quite young. I mean he doesn't have brown eyes and all but his aura is just so attractive.

I just nodded my head and he went out to call my mother.

I had a weird pain between my legs and on my stomach. When I tried to move it was excruciatingly painful. He then came back with my mother and Bryson. I couldn't even face both of them. I was filled with anger and completely disgusted by both of them.

"Are you okay?" Bryson asked

I just nodded my head and faced down. Trying to ignore them I fiddled with my fingers.

"Uhm Kayla I'm deeply sorry for your loss" the doctor seemed a bit disturbed.

"It's fine he wasn't my real father anyways."

My mom coughed and almost fell on her chair.

I looked away.

"Uhm... I'm sorry about your father or whoever that is but you lost the baby"

I looked at the doctor ,baffled by what he just told me.

" What baby?"

"Unfortunately there's nothing we could have done to save the fetus. It seems your body endured a lot of pain and suffering and that you have been under a lot of stress the baby couldn't handle it anymore therefore her organs failed.Its surprising she lived this long considering your injuries."

"Doctor what do you mean?"my mother all shook about this news.

"Her? Who? What?" I looked at Bryson. He looked troubled and disturbed by this tragic news.

"You were 3 weeks pregnant, with a female child. We tried everything we could but we couldn't save her. We almost lost you too. I'm deeply sorry for your loss ma'am".

I looked down at my stomach trying to understand how my tiny body could carry a baby. I am a baby myself. I felt warm tears gushing out of my eyes.

"We require professional counseling here in our hospital,would you..."

"Doctor please not now" my mother interrupted him and moved closer to me.

"I'm sorry baby. You've been through a lot. Let it all out"

Although I resented my mother I needed her at that moment. I wanted to be in her arms and cry my soul out. I looked up and I saw Bryson walking out.

He knows. He knows it's his child too. I mean I could see it in his face when the doctor mentioned 3weeks. Why is this all happening to me. Am I not meant to be happy. I mean it's not like I planned to have a kid at 16, but knowing that I lost one makes me want it. Although this makes sense ,we had sex three weeks ago before I got pregnant.

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I wake up again in this unwelcoming place. I don't know but there's something about hospitals that I just hate. They just give me the chills. One of the nurses comes to my room and opens the window blinds. Misty rays of light shone through the window. I close my eyes to absorb the warm sensation. Trying to ignore all the stress, I start praying. Asking God how is this all happening. Why is this all happening to me. Why me?

"Hey" disturbed by a rough whisper and a hand resting on my shoulder.

I hesitate trying to go back to my numb space.

He holds my hand and wipes the tears falling from my face.

I turn to him.

"I saw her Ray. I saw her and she's beautiful. She has your eyes well our eyes. One hazel the other black with faint brown that can only be seen in the light. She called me mama. She's so tiny and frail. She has your smile(I giggled). She's so precious and she's perfect. I'm sad that I never got to meet her in person." My eyes start to feel up with tears.

He looked puzzled by my statement.

"Kayla come down. How sure are you that the baby is mine?"

"The fxxk are you talking about Bryson!" I was shook by what he just told.

"I know you know that I was raped and violated but the doctor said three weeks and that's around the time I broke my virginity to you. We had sex 2 times. Do you fxxken want me to tell you how many rounds? Don't piss me off please not today".

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to anger you. I ... I just wanted to be sure."

"I've had too many heartbreaks in my life. I've lost myself and I still can't figure out why I'm still alive. I wish I could just disappear. I hate you and I hate myself for breaking my virginity to you and letting you give me a child. I hate you Bryson."

"You had sex with Bryson!"

"Mom?"

Shit!.....