Four-Seven

Page 4

Meave Knight; When do I Matter.

The liquor flows like a river bringing me to the edge of the fall. We all find them so beautiful and captivating but staring from the top down it's even more beautiful. Every time I bring that liquid to my lips I feel higher than ever before and I end up at the edge of the waterfall ready for the plunge. But I never step over the edge because something grips me and sinks my feet into quicksand.

It's that fragmented and bruised love that survived through the years. The love that binds me has begun fading but for some reason, I cling to it every night I stare down into the bottom of every bottle. She loves me when it is convenient to love me but when it becomes a burden she returns to him. But that's okay because at the bottom of each bottle I become closer to the edge and I know I will take the plunge off this waterfall's edge.

With a second bottle down I feel light but steady. I have become accustomed to drinking and it only offers its high never its debilitation. So I can feel that liquid as much as I like till I become so high I see what is at the bottom of each bottle. Because I don't wanna admit that this bottle and I are the same. We both have the contents that make us feel full and alive but at some point we become empty. When do I matter to you more than chasing a love that doesn't exist Yuriko.

Page 5;

Meave Knight; Am I just a well-Guarded secret.

Awakening in my bed after downing a few more bottles my body finally gives in. Now I lay here staring at the ceiling we painted like the galaxy. This room is so dark with curtains closed but this ceiling gives some light. And remembering the day we painted brings a tightness to my chest and I feel my eyes water. I could have found a lover but I never wanted false comfort where I would regret every morning that comes next.

So I guess my day will start and end like most days. I should go to work but I know she will be working like everything is okay. For her it may be but because she has a home with someone waiting it hurts that much more. I wish I could hurt you like I am hurting. But I love you too much to purposely cause pain. Your family arranged that marriage but I can only hope you save me before I drown from waiting.

Am I a child who just wants what they cannot have or am I truly in love beyond my control? I desperately need your comfort but I won't ask because I don't feel apart of your life. I am more a part of your secret's you guard heavily.

Page 6

Maeve Knight; A smile only for you.

When you visited me I finally feel like you do need me. And that it's no longer just for convenience which makes me smile. But I know you see the bottle's laying around where I drank till I felt nothing. I know you stared into my eyes hoping for answers as to why. But I just smile and pretend I don't see any of this. Well afraid of that topic the most. Because my time with you is limited so please let me smile for you without expectations. It's almost like we have been living together for years now the way we work in sync side by side.

You and I have so much fun together but the day draws to a close. And I see the night rising as I curse silently praying you will stay. Do I get to be selfish now and beg you to stay? Throw away everything that is me and forsaken my morals just for a single night of happiness. Will you ever know this turmoil inside of me as I struggle to fight back the emotions. But to my surprise, you seem to read me perfectly every time and you stay with me. So I take advantage of you starting with making sure our nights will never be forgotten.

Hoping to be engraved in your mind by my expressions with every reaction you pull from me. Engraved inside your heart by the way I show you, my love, through the tenderness of each touch. Engraved in your soul while I cry out calmly with every sound you elicit from me willingly. Because the more I engrave in you the more hope I have you will stay with me.

Page 7

Maeve Knight; The morning with you.

Awakening to you holding me was the dream I chased. Held in your arms close to you and hearing the beat of your heart. I feel the greatest happiness possible at this moment. So I snuggle in and soak it up like the worlds ending. Because it always does for me in the end. When you open your eyes I am the first thing you see smiling at you frozen at this moment. I can not find the proper words to speak yet something escaped. A plea from my vary core asking you to stay with me like this. But that wasn't all no I had to be selfish pushing further with my request. Having to ask you if I can be selfish with my next request.

So the frozen feeling melted and my heart began to race. I felt the words shaped by my emotions flow through me and I let you hear it all. The doubts I have with what's between us and the triangle we are entrapped inside of. I want to believe she loves me enough to stay but I have to hear it even if it ruins this moment we have. Because I know deep down after so many bottles and sleepless nights. What if I don't become selfish and press her I will live in anxiety and depression with our relationship.

But she just smiled and listened to me taking in every word. When I was done she kissed me softly and then whispered sweetly that she was here to stay. She apologized a hundred times before we could leave the bed but I was happy. Because she finally gave me the dream I desperately was seeking with her. This was the morning with her that will never be forgotten. Our love was once more affirmed this day and moving forward I will do my best for its perseverance.