Eleven

Collection of pages part 11

The Breaking Moon

Buried beneath the snow which endlessly melts in contact with skin seeping beneath the flesh. Between bones and organs made of flesh, I can feel them each slowly freeze over inside me. Perhaps it would be less painful if beneath the snow wasn't a bed of thorns that find ways to puncture the skin deeply. Like a flower, I can feel each thorn blossom as they mix with the blood now freely flowing. Thorns move like vines while sprouting much smaller buds of thorns while traveling through open wounds. Catching enough to cause discomfort and small bursts of pain but how many are moving through me and how many have sprouted. The words you said become a strange type of water that had a chilling edge I couldn't accept. What could I say so you would believe me but it's difficult when every word becomes sharp like a thorn. Spiraling inside as I weigh every word looking for a way out of this mess I'm certain isn't my fault.

But you listen to her whispers which become walls inside my head creating a maze I can't escape. My mind works desperately to find the words as time slows down to a crawl before me. However, it finds a door I once had locked with every mental image possible to keep it shut. A place so dark it became a home that never accused or looked at me with hate but was it truly so dark. Behind that door are my fears and substance abuse but that wasn't all sealed away. Was I in such a rush to cut myself off from it that even my mind struggles for the answers. Here I stand a place ever deeper inside my mind and then I hear a sound oh so familiar. A single word was enough to draw me in and force my mind to focus on this one safe feeling of familiarity. Forgetting everything else trapping and suffocating me without hesitation.

" Moon."

But something is wrong because another word was cut off and appeared as static. The frantic desperation become like nails as I clawed desperately at the door cutting away its locks. My mind resists me like I'm entering the forbidden lands no living person should enter, one should never fight against the mind. Yet it only fuels my desperation to hear that word that's missing as if I can remember what's hidden from me inside my own mind. Like the nine layers of hell, my mind grows complex, and each time it changes places, a piece of me is left to be tortured. When reaching the second layer where I found a maze and the door lead me to another place that tore off skin with acid only to repair and repeat. The pain was impossible to resist but that door was so close all I needed was to reach and push forward.

I lost count of how many times my mind changed the scenery. But I reached out and tore it open giving me a sense of victory yet I feel so hollow and empty now. Even as water rushes from the door I don't feel anything it just consumes me. Everything feels familiar even though this could be considered drowning I am happy most here. Slowly pictures forced to be locked away appear in front of me created by the water. The life I once had with a person I loved deeply who met misfortune which sparked disaster that left her paralyzed and only able to speak. I saw her pain that became my pain but I loved her no matter what she could or couldn't do. It didn't take long for her to start fights and say things she didn't mean but I understood what she was saying. That is the love we had even if we are hurting each other because what she wanted was for me to move on and be happy. She didn't want to see the pain in my eyes at how helpless I was to help and this stress any me spiraling. I should have accepted it and not pushed her to reconsider but I did endlessly, fear was stronger than any anger or pain I could feel.

When I couldn't see her I was wasted on anything my hands could still grip. This caused me to lose my job which was fine at first but then I couldn't paint anymore. My hands began shaking which soon lead to difficulty and pain in trying to grip things. A friend that I was close to came to save me or so I thought but looking back now it was another mistake. I couldn't give her my heart even after she did so much to save me from myself. The first thing I did when my body recovered enough was go see her even if it was from afar. Eventually, I was spotted by a girl who admired my savior and best friend, her web of whispers brought forth jealousy. Just as the last memory faded I heard those words without any interruption.

"Bright moon."

"Kate..."

Desperate I look around for her but she isn't here not the real her anyway. My mind feels disconnected and whatever happened has trapped me inside. A prison of my own making but now that I remember everything clearly I want out.

" Save me, Kate... I need you."

The words left my mouth in this nearly empty void but nothing responded. Yet like a jolt of electricity, I feel myself being yanked with force like something was pulling on me hard. Once more I was in the real world again inside the hospital being held in familiar arms. A warmth that brings my wish and dreams together in reality, a voice I cling to as she whispers softly.

"Bright moon, it's okay I'm here so come back to me."

"Kate... How can you move, I thought."

"I heard you suffering, every bit of pain was amplified. I felt everything but then I heard you calling out to me... You needed me but I couldn't move. You always told me our love was connected like the sun and moon. So I tried to force my body to move and willed it against everything to obey. Currently, I have lost all my adrenaline so you are holding me up."

Anna and Laura just stared blankly at us but I couldn't care anymore, my love has returned. I move so slowly in her arms making sure to become the rock she can lean on. It's hard to resist the urge of holding her in case it could be a dream but I should confess while I still can.

"I couldn't forget you even though I tried to do what you wanted. However, I lost my ability to paint, im sorry. You loved watching me paint but now you can't, I'm so sorry."

"You are still the best painting I found, realistic and beautiful. So don't worry anymore."

The moon may always be changing like it's losing pieces of itself only to reform. Yet when it finds a sun to be linked together with it no longer will matter. The sun is ever unchanging and always solid to carry those pieces till you can become the bright moon again. A true sun will always chase the moon and give it rest when needed most.

"Thank you, for being my chasing sun."