5◇ WRECKED

"This chapter is dedicated to my father's mother who recently passed, on my birthday. Innalilahi wa Innailaihi Raji'un grandma".

SIGN: Ami_yaye.

Guilt.

Every time that feeling remain constant. Yet the song of passion overcome her will.

Every time. Constantly.

How do other men and women stand it? Do they not care if they are caught, would they rather run off with their lovers? Does it pain them to cause hurt to their spouses? Even if all these questions are answered how will it remedy her situation? She does both want to run off with her lover leaving behind her husband and sons neither can she imagine herself without her husband, she loved them both wanted them both.

Invisible accusing eyes witness her shameful yet shameless retreats. Every time.

Yet she returns.

For the loving. For the touching. For the feeling of being with him; on him, beneath him, him within her, between her, everything.

Home her heart willingly called too. He, everyone knew was hers as she, his. Husband her heart sang. Every time the word is mentioned, her being sang. His laugh, his arms, his warmth, his presence, his being, her man. She returned home, hers.

The lies came more poisonously-sweet, her husband's eyes lost suspicion more and more, his welcoming embrace more trusting. Testimony of her master of the art. Yet she would willingly pass the threshold into the warmth of her marital abode accept with deceiving smiles his hot bowl of cooking. Sit at the table as the children feed from her.

She returned late one more time and he had cooked. Better than hers always. Their innocent smiling face just like their father's unknowing of their mother's sin but waited patiently impatient for each spoonful. Her heart tugged when they eagerly accepted motherly pats but even more confused with every glance from and at her. The ultimate sin to morality, stain on her entire marriage but the fruit from her other soulmate.

Why couldn't she have them both? What is wrong with having them both? Some preferred pap better with milk and Almighty, she desired them both, her daughter will meet her father today she decided. Her soul has resigned to its fate.

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He left. That blasted man! All the troubles and he left?

"Mumma, there"!

Such care, had prepared to meet with him and then he leaves? No one knew her. Did not know him either. Their love nest carefully placed to their benefit but it did nothing to her conscience.That could as well be a sneer the smile on the old one's face. He approached mother and child nevermind the young woman's reserved face. It was just her guilt her mind taunted.

"Misses, Oyibo he say emergency dey hospital...this be for you child" the old one could hardly make out the pale one's talks through nostrils best the letter explain itself. But if he had not seen the young woman and man together, he would have been quite right to assume she is not with the pale one willingly.

Always in a fret, this female. Did not look happy with whatever was on the note in her hand. She refused to sit at the visitor's front, head bowed or angled away. Always. Strange. Or maybe her family did not approve them? Poor girl. He knew how to cheer the child. Poor little thing must be missing her papa. "I will bring something for the little one".

Said toddler found his place fascinating but he was more fascinated. Pretty little thing. If he was not entranced by the child he would notice the mother's disapproval.

This old one, so intrusive just as others his age. Begrudgingly accepting the fish sticks but quickly retreated with her beaming daughter, draging away the eagerly waving child. Yes one day her sins will find her. Yes she has come to peace with it. Still doesn't mean she would not fight it at every turn.

An agreement should never be broken not minding...she risked coming here with her yet he hurt her this way. Where ever he is, when he returns undoubtedly, forgiveness will not come any soon and she hoped he knew that.

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He hoped she had received his message. The strong grip to his fingers nor the neutral sounds of his birthing wife could not deril him from thoughts of another.

Obviously this day would come but not this soon though. Foolish hopes. Meeting his daughter properly for the first time, being there for his son's birth.

His second son.

More foolishness but his hope burns for her understanding. Why not, he loves her as she him, his choice would hurt her it hurt him. Glaring into the swaddled tiny face his heart tore at different strings of guilt, joy, awe, sadness, wistful.

Did she leave immediately after receiving his message or did she take their daughter to where the essence of their love always lingered? Will she lay in the bed to gift him a wisp of her presence when he returned and would she do that with their daughter he thought ignoring the noise swimming both within and around him just the memories of her mourns not the staff cooing at his son. Nor his wife seeking attention.

Everything seem alright, perfect, but it was not. He was not.

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She could do this to him? His anguished cheeks now well-moist accepting his pain. She wanted and loved his children his children and him, or perhaps he was delusioned but her love was pure! Yet she did this. How could she? Should he start to learn to stay without her? He must, though how to start living without her. He loves her!

He loved her.

"Who must you live without?" The day she knew the truth of her daughter's heritage she fared. The times she was with another she fared. When her daughter called her husband, father she fared. His joy of having a daughter and thoughts of if he knows the truth... she fared. But this moment? Those fares cannot compare. They had become one, made a home; would he return the soft flooring to his great aunt while telling her how her beautiful niece-in-law was a masked wolf that did not deserve the effort wasted on intricating such masterpiece heirloom for their bedroom? What about the flan-nel-ette and kitchenette he had spent their courtship and early part of their marriage to make? Will he burn or sell them?

The times she was with child, his live and adoration and pampering...so many memories within this home would be gone but what burned her heart was the image of him giving another himself the way only she has known.

Will he?

His deranged monologue and deranged laughter she interrupted, deranged eyes locked on her...

Wouldn't he?

She had made peace with her fate but she cannot let him leave her! Deserve it she dis but will not allow it. Beg if need be, crawl, howl, anything but to leave him she cannot and he cannot.

Now who is deranged? Her mind taunted once more.

He had not realised his tongue and brain de-tangled. But his wife, his eyes fixed on her...so beautiful to behold. That will be enough?

"Husbsnd...yo..ur daughter. You frightened her". He vaguely saw the little thing coming yo him but stopped to run to the adjacent door. His demeanor scared her away.

She is his wife, no?

The figure in front of him look to contemplate the same. He did not deduce the frightened shakes as he cornered her in a grip against the door.

She was tempted to flee but her heart could not stand away from him the door burned her skin...or was it she that burned with sin?

Sometime passed before husband and wife could tell when one shook and the other responded alike.

"Innalilahi wa Innailaihi Raji'un".

"Who?"

"Mother".

"Innalilahi wa Innailaihi Raji'un".

Almighty will burn her ashes after He was through with her soul but she was still relieved it was not what she had thought. Her mother-in-law will curse her from whereever but she is selfish. Desperately she clung onto him as he her. Calming her lie-infested, unfaithful heart in his arms as she calmed his broken and hurt one. Better his mother broke it with her death than she with her deceit.

She is selfish.

☆GLOSSARIES☆

Innalilahi wa Innailaihi Raji'un - from God we come and back to Him we will.

It is what every Muslim says at the death of another.

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