Crisis Survivors

I freeze as I cannot realize what just happened. Judging from that sound, the man must have fallen from the office tower next to the HA Entertainment building. Maybe he's someone I've seen before or smiled at while getting lunch.

He was a person, with a life and struggles on his own. With people who loved him. And now he's dead, and it's too late.

As it slowly dawns to me that there's a corpse in front of me, I feel like throwing up and crying at the same time. My ears a piercing as the sound of him falling was overwhelmingly loud. I never wanted to know what a human body crashing sounds like.

Shit, what do I do? We're on a quiet side street. There's no one else here. I'm all alone with this dead man.

Or maybe he isn't dead yet. His limb and lifeless body show no indication of a beating heart, but somehow, I irrationally want to help him, want to save him. With shaking hands, I kneel down next to him and try to feel his pulse while suppressing the overwhelming need to gag.

Staring death in the face like this... it's horrifying.

When I can feel no pulse, I conclude that I am not suitable for this situation, and decide to call 911. "Hello?" I say into the speaker with an unstable voice. "I think I've just witnessed a death."

Ten minutes later, I'm talking with one of the firefighters on the scene as the others are removing the body from the scene.

"There's nothing you could have done," he says to me, smiling reassuringly. He has kind eyes with wrinkles all around them. "He was dead as soon as he crashed. We believe he must have jumped from quite high."

"Jumped?" I say, staring into nothingness. I feel numb. "You think he... killed himself?"

In South Korea, suicide is the number one cause of death for people under the age of thirty. However, directly experiencing that fact is entirely different than hearing about it on the news.

"We're quite certain he committed suicide, yes," the man affirms, then tries to read my face. "How are you feeling, young lady?"

"Okay, I guess.", I just shrug. "I mean, I didn't know the man."

But other people did. And now, they've lost him forever.

"Hmm." He nods at that, not seeming convinced. "There's a specific term for people like you, you know. You're called 'crisis survivors.' People who've witnessed the suicide of a stranger. You often think you don't have the right to be upset, but you do.

Where do you work? Does your company offer counselling services? If not, we can provide you with a certificate for them to support you financially through therapy."

Shit, speaking of work... I take out my phone, and notice I have four texts from Hajun, the tone turning more and more impatient with each of them. I'm surprised he hasn't attempted to call me yet.

Sighing, I point at the HA Entertainment building, wishing I could literally be anywhere else in the world right now. "I work right there. And thank you for the offer, Sir, but I really doubt my boss will care enough."

The fireman completely ignores the second part of my sentence. "Wait, you work so close? Let me talk to your boss then, and explain what happened to you. You might feel fine, but I deal with people in your situation every day. This feeling of carelessness you're experiencing right now is your brain protecting you from the trauma. It won't last forever, and you'll be overcome with extreme sadness afterwards. It's crucial you're surrounded by caring people when this happens."

I laugh awkwardly, trying my best to stay polite. "Caring" is not exactly a trait I associate Hajun with. "That's really not necessary."

"Oh, but I insist." He winks at me. "Your boss can't be that scary, can he?"

"I'll let you be the judge of that," I grumble, earning a chuckle from him, before reluctantly leading my new friend into my lovely workplace.

It turns out the firefighter was right. As we enter the building and therefore walk away from the crime scene, the numbness in my body disappears. It's like my body was on survival mode before, and now, all of my real emotions are coming back at once.

I heard a man fall to his death.

I touched his lifeless body.

I feel disgusted and shattered and horrified, and suddenly, I start shaking again.

"What the hell just happened ?" I mumble to myself as I start sweating.

The fireman immediately notices the change in my behaviour, and his expression softens. "Hey," he says. "Hey, miss Rose, it's going to be alright. Help me find your boss, and I'll take care of it from there, okay?"

Barely registering what he's saying, I lead him to one of the makeup rooms. "The maknae line is getting ready for a photo shooting right now."

"I have no idea what that means, but sure. I'll just follow you."

On any other day, the sole idea of barging into a room full of k-pop stars accompanied by a freaking firefighter would make me die of embarrassment, but right now, I'm feeling way too out of it to care.

In my head, the loud sound of the body crashing replays and replays and replays, and I don't hear the people around me talking. Without introducing the firefighter to anyone, I weakly let myself fall on one of the sofas, which the idols usually take a rest on during their short breaks.

Everyone around me is cheerfully getting ready. For HA Entertainment standards, a photoshoot is one of the more fun things on k-pop singer's to-do list, and the mood is, therefore, quite light. I don't even bother to find Hajun. The only thing I want to do right now is to be alone. Explaining to Hajun or anyone else what happened equals replaying the horrible memory in my mind and I can't put myself through that again.

It just all seems so absurd and pointless to me. Are we really all just supposed to carry on? Someone just died. Why is no one doing anything? Why does no one care?

No one will care about this. No one will know, because that one man is one of hundred taking is life every year and has already become nothing more than a sad statistic.

Minjun is the first one to notice me, quickly walking over to me. "Rose? What happened? Why are you so pale? You look like you've just seen a ghost."

"That's pretty much what happened," I just croak without looking at him.

Yejun appears next, a water bottle in his hand. "Here," he says warmly, handing it to me. "You look like you could use something to drink."

"Thank you so much," I offer him a tired smile. This man is literally like a human anti-anxiety pill.

Then, An Hajun finally takes note of my existence and reaches us. "What the heck happened?" He narrows his eyes at me. "What did you do?"

Usually, his accusatory tone would infuriate me, but right now, I don't even have the energy to respond.

Acknowledging the firefighter, he shakes his hand. "Good morning. Sorry for all these other people. I'm her boss, An Hajun."

"Ah, that's you." The fire fighter's smile has suddenly become very fake. He's got Hajun's bossy attitude figured out.

"Rose here witnessed a suicide on her way to work this morning. A man just plummeted to his death in the building next to yours. As someone who deals with this situation every day, I would advise Rose to take a break today and not work very hard. Please also be aware of the fact that she might be reliving the trauma the following days, which will affect her work performance."

Hajun raises an eyebrow at me. "You saw a suicide?"