Hints of Concern

When I show no reaction, he doesn't push (surprisingly enough) and instead turns towards the fireman again. "Could you please tell me more?"

He, Hajun , and Minjun keep discussing what happened in hushed voices. I try to focus on their voices but I can't, the image of that dead man on the ground overpowering all my other sense. I almost feel like I'm a child again, trying to comprehend the adult's conversations without truly succeeding. Yejun sits down next to me, a grave expression on his face.

"I'm sorry, Rose," he says with his deep voice, and for some reason, just hearing him speak profoundly calms me down.

"You know," I sniff – I can't remember at what point tears started silently streaming down my face-, "I would like to hug your dog right now. It looked so fluffy in the pictures you showed me."

The young singer smiles at that. "Next time I bring him to work, you'll be the first one to cuddle him, I promise."

Hajun and Minjun have finished talking to the firefighter, who says his goodbyes to us, offering me a last, empathetic smile which I gladly reciprocate. This poor man does not exactly have the easiest profession, and he's still doing a phenomenal job at it.

Hajun's eyes glide over me, and for the first time since I've met him, I'm able to decipher some emotion in them. Is that... worry?

"It's okay, Yejun hyung," he says calmly. "I'll take over from here. You and Minjun hyung finish getting ready, I'll join you in a minute."

I almost want to protest and say that I'd rather stay Yejun, that Hajun does not have the slightest capacity to comfort me, but I hold my tongue. Even in my current state, I have enough clarity of mind to realize that'd be highly disrespectful. And suddenly it's Hajun sitting next to me instead of his older member, and I realize we've never been this physically close. "I leave you alone for ten minutes, and this happens.", he chides gently.

"I just feel so... guilty," I express the first thought that comes to mind, not acknowledging what he just said to me. I don't even care that it's to Hajun, a person that I would never talk to about my emotions usually. If I don't express what I'm feeling right now, I might explode.

"Hey, Rose," he says quietly, and when I don't look at him, completely lost in my own thoughts, he sighs before squeezing my hands. "Rose, look at me."

Reluctantly, I meet his dark eyes.

"It's over, okay?" he mumbles, his tone so soft and yet so firm. "It's over, and it wasn't your fault. You have nothing to feel guilty about, do you understand?" Since I've met him, he's never sounded this genuine.

I nod but still feel too overwhelmed to answer. A small part of me, even though I'd never voice it out loud, does feel calmer thanks to his words.

The young man sighs. "Do you want to go home? I'll allow it if you want to go."

Quickly, I shake my head. "No." Going home would mean being alone with my thoughts, and that wouldn't result as something very healthy right now. Besides, I promised Eun to leave the apartment empty for when she arrives with her date in the evening. Regardless of what happened to me today, I still want to keep my promises. "I'll be fine. Focusing on work is probably what's best for me right now."

My boss looks like he doubts that reasoning, but surprisingly enough, he doesn't argue back. "Alright. I'll give you a pass for today, Rose, so take it easy, okay?"

The rest of the day, I bury myself in my work, only talking to other people when it is strictly needed. I don't encounter Hajun, who is occupied with photoshoots and practice, the entire day. That in itself isn't very shocking, as our schedules quite often differ from another, but considering what happened to me today, I trusted he would at least check in on me.

Well, maybe my expectations were a little too high. Just because he was sweet for ten seconds this morning in the makeup room does not mean he actually cares about me. I am still just an employee, after all.

Truthfully, I'm not doing great. I keep replaying the sound of the body crashing to the ground and seeing the corpse in my mind. Every single noise around the office startles me – even the noise of the coffee machine – and I can't focus on my work, not really.

Today, I cannot get anything done, so luckily, Hajun and my co-workers, who all keep glancing at me with quiet concern, are giving me a pass.

I glance at my watch. It is 7 pm, and the other managers and assistants are slowly starting to leave. On a good day, this would be the time for me to do the same. On busy days, I stay until 8 or 9 pm or follow Hajun to a show and other promotional activities.

The urge inside of me to go home is big, but I really want Eun to have her privacy, at least for a couple of hours. She's already been kind enough to let me live at her place all this time, without expecting anything in return. Even for friendships, Koreans are quite transaction-based people, believing in the power of eternal balance, so Eun's endless patience and selflessness regarding me have proven once again what an amazing friend she is. It's time for me to at least attempt to reach her standard. And dinner won't last that long, right?

Someone knocks on the door, and I look up to see Hajun entering the office. Usually, he barges with some special requests, so it's almost weird to see him entering the room like a sane person.

"Rose? What are you still doing here? Go home, it's late." He frowns at me, being the only person left in the office.

Shaking my head, I avoid his gaze when I answer. There's something about Hajun's eyes... he always looks at one in such an intense and unapologetic way, and it makes me feel nervous and insecure. Like he'll find out my deepest secrets. Which I do have my fair share of. "I still have some things to get done. See you tomorrow."

Instead of accepting that answer and leaving, he approaches my desk. "You have a laptop, don't you? Work from home. You shouldn't stay alone in this depressing, empty office, especially not today."

I get that he's trying to be nice and considerate, but I'm so used to his rude behaviour that it makes me uncomfortable and confused. "Thank you, oppa, it's just that my roommate has a date tonight, and I promised her to stay out of our apartment until then."

"Come to my place then."