Sleepy Conversations

"Rose. Hey, Rose, wake up." A raspy voice wakes me up from the land of dreams, and suddenly, I'm face to face with an Hajun.

Somehow, his facial features look different at night: he seems younger, softer, sweeter, and I have to resist the urge to hug him. For the first time, he does not seem like this perfect, out-of-touch God, but like an actual person, with dreams, fears and worries, just like the rest of us.

Then I remember that's he's my boss, and that I just fell asleep in his freaking living room.

While doing work for him.

Shit, shit, shit.

Immediately, I sit, noticing that it's dark outside. Didn't I just nap? How come it's already dark? "What time is it?" I ask, my voice barely a whisper.

Hajun just watches me, unfazed. "1 am.

What the hell? This is the most embarrassing day of my life. I can't believe I'm letting Hajun witness me like this. Sleepy and vulnerable. I should have never agreed to go home with him. Never, ever.

"I'm sorry," I splutter, to which he just rolls his eyes.

It's hard to tell what he's thinking right now. Frankly, it's always hard to tell what he's thinking. After years of nosy interviewers and overstepping fans, his face has become an impenetrable mask which he has not once let go of in my presence. I can't help but wish he did.

"Stop apologizing for irrelevant things. Come now, let's get you to a real bed upstairs."

To a real bed? No, no, no, I'm going home. This has been too much Hajun for a day. If possible, I need to avoid mortifying myself even more. "Thanks for the offer, but I'm going home."

"Home?" he scoffs. "Don't be ridiculous, Rose. I looked at your address, you don't exactly live in the safest neighbourhood. There's no way I'm letting you go home all by yourself at this hour."

Letting me? I'm too tired to discuss this with him right now, but we're going to have to have a talk about what being my boss really means. Because at the moment, we don't seem to have the same definition.

Hastily, I stand up. Maybe if I show him that I feel completely awake and responsible, he'll let me go. Except my body does not seem to be aware of my plans, since I stumble as soon as I get up, and the only thing preventing me from falling are Hajun's strong arms, holding me.

The way he immediately catches me shows how much he's been expecting me to behave like a sleepy, clumsy child, making the situation somehow even worse than it already was. My cheeks are heating up; my only hope right now is that he can't read the humiliation on my face due to the darkness of the room.

"Easy there," he mumbles amusedly, his voice suddenly very close to my ear.

How come he looks so good while wearing simple great sweats and a T-Shirt? And why does he smell so nice? And why does the most attractive man I've ever seen in my lifetime have to be my boss?

Then, he lets go of me before wrapping his fingers around my wrist and leading me upstairs to one the guest bedrooms, I presume. While his actions are in no shape or form violent, they have something clearly authoritative about them signalling to me I've lost the fight, and I can't help but pout a bit in defeat.

We stop in front of the opened door. I glance inside to see a hotel-like bed, and I have to admit that it does present a much better option right now than the couch here or the one I sleep on at Eun's place.

Hajun, who's been silent the entire time, turns to me. "Here we are, Rose. I put one of my T-Shirts on the bed in case you don't want to sleep in your day clothes. And the room is directly connected to a bathroom, so feel free to use it tomorrow morning."

I nod, already half asleep again and barely taking in what he's saying.

Maybe it's due to my lack of reaction or my bizarre behaviour during this entire day, but suddenly, Hajun's face is full of genuine concern as he tries to read my face. "Are you going to be alright, Rose?"

Probably not, but I am not in the mood to discuss the desolate state of my life right now. The bed looks way too comfortable for that. "Of course, oppa. Good night."

...

The next morning, I wake up with the most peaceful state of mind, having slept in the most comfortable bed of all times.

For about 2 seconds.

Then, all the memories from the previous day come crashing down on me: the suicide, the maknae line witnessing my mental breakdown, Hajun being strangely nice and forcing me to not die of hunger, and then me falling asleep.

Shit, shit, shit.

Why didn't I try to harder to flee tonight? Why is it that when it comes to Hajun, I can just never say no? Why can't I just resist him?

I'm usually not that shy, not even to people who are hierarchically in a higher place than me, like Hajun. So why does he have this effect on me?

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate everything he did for me yesterday. Not every boss would do that. But he just intimidates me so damn much that I don't know how to act around him.

Ideally, I would just leave the apartment without talking to him and just pretend nothing happened at work today, but frankly, that would be disrespectful on my part, and I don't believe Hajun would be a big fan of this sort of behaviour.

In the back of my mind, I faintly remember Hajun telling me about a bathroom, and I decide to take a quick shower. It's the least I can do before facing him. The thought that I didn't even take my make up off yesterday night makes me shiver. My skin is going to thank me with like five new pimples, I can feel it already.

Half an hour later, I step out of the bathroom completely refreshed. Reluctantly, I put on the same clothes as yesterday, since I have nothing else here. It's still pretty early, maybe I can drop by home and change before work... Actually, yes, that does sound like a great plan, and it gives me an excellent excuse to leave this place as quickly as possible.

As I make my way downstairs, I hear someone whistling. Following the pleasant sound, I enter the kitchen, where I perceive Hajun making what seems to be an omelette. Good, he looks busy. This is my chance to quickly say thank you and goodbye and make a run for it.

Because he hasn't noticed me yet, too absorbed in his cooking endeavours, I clear my throat. "Hajun oppa?"

Hajun turns around, offering me a small smile. "Good morning."

Bowing quickly, I respond. "Good morning. I apologize for overstaying my welcome and thank you so much for everything. I'll see you at work."

Please accept this, Hajun, please accept this.

"Eh, sure. You're welcome. Wait!" he calls me back as soon as I've turned around to leave. "Where do you think you're going, Rose?"

I try to seem nonchalant. "Home, to change. Why?"

"No-uh, you sit and eat first. Look, I made some Western breakfast just for you." He shakes his head at me.

Wow, do I really behave that white that he continually has to remind me that I'm not completely Korean? This is what I hate about Korea sometimes: no matter how hard I try to speak their language, to live their culture, they'll still see me as an outsider.

However, once again, this is just Hajun's way of being kind, I am aware of that.

Sighing, I sit down on of the kitchen stools and look at the big plate of omelette that my boss has just served me. "Thank you, oppa."

"You're welcome." Then, he leans against the kitchen counter, watching me warily as I start eating hesitantly. "How was last night? Did you sleep well? Any nightmares?"

"Nothing, actually. I haven't slept this well in weeks. The bed was really comfortable."

Crossing his arms, he just nods. "Okay, so how do you feel about yesterday? The fireman suggested crisis survivors like you should go see a therapist for at least one consultation. I'll pay if you can't afford it."

A therapist? That's going too far, I'm fine. And there's no way in hell I'm letting my boss pay for my therapy. Awkwardly, I try to laugh it off. "I'll be okay, I promise. No need for a therapist."

I almost expect him to keep arguing, but instead of that, he just nods and starts cleaning the kitchen. Letting out an inaudible, but relieved sigh, I commence eating my omelette – which tastes quite nice, actually- so I can get out of here as quickly as possible. Not just because I want to avoid Hajun's presence for at least some time of the day, but also because I need to review and analyze this whole situation with Eun. It has been a crazy 24-hours.

Hajun has been silent for a while now too, and I almost expect this to be a peaceful breakfast. Nothing odd happening anymore.

However, I've been making assumptions too early.

Suddenly, my boss turns around and pensively looks at me. "You know, Rose, I've been thinking."

Oh no. That's never good.

"You should move in with me."