Day 1: Status Quo

Day 1: Status Quo

"Wake up, asshole!" Edhas's voice rang in Ryan's head, jolting him awake. Ryan sat up, not caring to open his eyes. He moved the blankets aside as he yawned, covering his mouth with one arm.

'Do you always have to do that?' Ryan telepathically asked his other half, straining to open his eyes. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes before standing up, cracking his back.

"No but waking you up two minutes before your 'alarm' never ceases to bring me joy," Edhas replied. Ryan could almost see the finger quotes his alternate personality was projecting with his words. As Ryan cracked his back, the phone on his nightstand started to ring loudly, transmitting the sound of an alarm rather than that of a normal ringtone. "See?"

"Yeah, I see," Ryan grumbled as he picked up the phone. Ryan was an 18-year-old man who recently started a job at a local KFP, or Kiara Fried Phoenix. KFP was your normal fast-food chain, but what Ryan got wrapped up in was the furthest thing you could get from normal. For starters, the only other person who works there is the CEO herself, Takanashi Kiara, who also happened to be a phoenix herself, hence the name. People like Calliope Mori, who was death's apprentice, Gawr Gura, a magical shark who was thousands of years old, Amelia Watson, a time travelling detective with an itchy trigger finger, and Nanomae Ina'nis, the literal vessel for the old ones were the kind of people who would frequent the place. Ever since then, he's be stalked, tracked, threatened, investigated, shot at with bullets and lasers, actually getting shot in the head twice, and obtaining an alternate personality based off memories that were forcibly repressed. Saying that Ryan had a rough month would be the understatement of the millennia.

"KIKKERIKIII~!!!" Kiara's signature call echoed through the speakers as Ryan answered the call. Kiara always had this thing where she'd call Ryan every morning at the crack of dawn to get him to come to work. Kiara had never been one for schedules, honestly, but Ryan was willing to deal with it.

"Morning Tenchou," Ryan said through the phone, a fond smile growing on his face.

"Hey, Ryan!" Kiara said through the phone excitedly. "Are you ready to come to work today?"

"Of course I'm ready," Ryan said. "I'll see you in five."

Ryan hung up the phone and sighed. With the snap of his fingers, his clothes instantly changed from a T-shirt and boxers to a black hoodie and black sweats.

"Seriously Ryan, why can't we just teleport over there?" Edhas complained.

'Can it, numbnuts,' Ryan snapped at his other half. 'You're not the one walking so stop your bitching.'

"But walking is so boring," Edhas whined, dragging on the last word like a toddler. "Why walk when you could use badass magic?"

'Because you need to take time to appreciate the smaller things in life,' Ryan explained patiently.

"There you go again, spewing some cliché bullshit," Edhas groaned. If Ryan could see him, he would have sworn that Edhas was rolling his eyes.

'I've said it once and I'll say it again,' Ryan closed the door behind him. 'Cliché bullshit is my specialty.'

-

"Why does this alley have to be so long?" Edhas complained.

'You know damn well about the barrier here,' Ryan signed. 'You need to stop complaining. You do this every day.'

"Yeah, but things have been so boring since the whole fiasco in China," Edhas whined. "I want to kick some ass."

'How about this, if Enma shows up, I'll let you fight her,' Ryan said, remembering the hot-headed manager. 'Just don't mess with my body too much.'

"You have my body, remember?" Edhas replied. "Nothing will get through this body."

'Except bullets,' Ryan deadpanned, causing Edhas to gasp in disgust.

"Hey, I wasn't there when you got shot so that's your problem," Edhas said cheekily, casually glossing over the fact that a bullet to the head was the catalyst for Edhas to appear in the first place. "Hey, we're here."

Ryan looked up and the corners of his mouth rose instantly. The KFP looked like a normal fast-food restaurant with an orange and white color palate with streaks of blue and yellow. "Honestly, I miss the tungsten plating," Ryan chuckled to himself, remembering the first time Kiryu Coco, a giant purple dragon decided to stop by.

"Armored plating is for pussies," Edhas said. "Just don't get hit. It's not that hard."

'I'm sorry that a building doesn't have the same fighting prowess as an esteemed warrior like you,' Ryan grumbled, rolling his eyes. He walked up to the doors and pushed the two glass doors open.

"KIKKERIKI~!!!" Kiara dashed from the back room, one leg bent behind her knee and her hand raised high in a cutsie kind of expression. Kiara had her other hand close to her chest, showing off her wedding ring, which she got not too long ago when she married Calliope Mori, otherwise known as Death's Apprentice. The ring was beautiful, made of 24 karat gold with topaz encrusted wings, a cyan tinted diamond in the center. Kiara was an attractive woman. Ryan wasn't blind. She wore her beret and chef's hat over her fiery hair. She wore a special KFP uniform which she tailored into a skirt. Kiara opened her shining, amethyst eyes, her heart-melting smile only widening when she saw her employee. She held two gadgets, one on the chest area of her shirt and the other one on her belt, which Ryan found the hard way that they were a sword and shield that generated concentrated plasma. The weapons alone were enough to scare most men off, but the scary part of Kiara was her better half.

Speaking of which, Calli walked out of the break room, fixating her crimson eyes on Ryan. Calli's long, pink hair was neatly flowed down her back. She wore a black dress with a torn, black cloak draping down her back. The thing that deterred most people was the gigantic scythe that easily exceeded two meters in length. "Oh, hey Ryan," she said casually before walking over to Kiara. Calli openly flaunted her new wedding ring, a platinum skull with two rubies for eyes, a square engraved on either side of the skull.

"So, you're just going to let Calliope-san into the break room now?" Ryan put his hands over his chest, faking a hurt expression. "I'm hurt."

"I think we've known each other long enough for you to call me Calli," Calli said, offering Ryan a small smile.

"What?! No fair!" Kiara pouted. "It took me 300,000 years to get that far with you!"

"So, what were you doing in the break room~?" Ryan waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"You just lost the right to call me Calli," Calli glared daggers into Ryan.

"She doesn't mean it," Kiara strutted up to Calli and got on her tippy toes, pecking her wife on the cheek.

"Guess not," Calli stared into her wife's eyes lovingly. As the leaned in to kiss each other, Ryan cleared his throat.

"Get a room," Ryan sighed. "Just not the one where I prefer to enjoy eating my Oreos in."

"Whatever," Calli grumbled. With a snap of his fingers, Ryan was in his KFP uniform. Ryan now wore brown shoes, blue jeans, and a white shirt covered by an orange vest.

"Oh! Your new nametag came in!" Kiara dug into her pocket (AN: The closest thing Kiara would get to getting out of the abyss left stage was to order a dress with pockets) and pulled out a name tag, showing it to Ryan. It was a golden nametag that said "RYAN SHADE" in black letters. What was different was that there a second row that said "& EDHAS" on it.

"Thanks," Ryan smiled, putting the nametag on the right side of his chest.

"Why did you have to add that?" Edhas complained. "Aren't we supposed to be discreet with shit like this?"

'What's wrong?' Ryan asked. 'Scared of meeting a bunch of girls?'

"I can't believe you'd stoop that low," Edhas said, genuine disappointment in his tone. "We both know that ninety percent of the girls that walk in this joint are scarier than you."

'That's not fair,' Ryan said. 'You've seen what Hoshimachi-san is like.

"Fair enough," Edhas said. A crash through the door interrupted his internal monologue.

"OOCHA!" A small girl in a shark hoodie kicked the doors, jumping in before landing, both arms extending upwards in a victory pose.

"Good morning, Gura-san," Ryan said. Gura's white bangs covered her forehead, partially covering her ocean blue eyes. Her shark hoodie was obviously at least two sizes larger than her. Her hoodie was originally smaller, but ever since she married Amelia Watson, the time-travelling detective started spoiling her with bigger hoodies and extra doughnuts. Gura waddled over to the one of the seats, jumping up to sit down on one of the stools on the counter. "Where's your better half?"

"Ground pounding your mom," Amelia said, walking into the restaurant.

"Heads up, you don't have a mom," Edhas said.

'Then who was the one yelling at me over the phone when I was a NEET?' Ryan asked.

"Beats me. I wasn't there."

"Edhas says I don't have a mom," Ryan reported.

"That's a travesty!" Amelia gasped.

"Yeah, yeah," Ryan waved his hand dismissively. "Just shut up and sit down."

"Whatever you say," Amelia chuckled as she walked over to sit down. Amelia wore a white dress shirt and a red tie, expertly using a sandy trench coat that was at least four sizes too big to hide her boing boings. She wore a detective's hat, poorly concealing her messy, blonde hair. Ryan's eyes drifted over to the watch she wore around her neck. If that watch didn't exist, Ryan would be dead, but he couldn't help but feel a twinge of resentment for the gadget. Amelia's watch gives her the ability to travel through time. For some reason, he was able to keep his memories when she goes back in time. Unfortunately, he had to learn the hard way, after he was… well… shot in the head. People seemed to like to do that a lot.

"So, how have you been?" Ryan asked. "It's been a while since you two stopped by."

"Things could be better," Amelia sighed, a teacup appearing in her hands out of thin air. "There's no one to ground pound."

"Hey!" Gura protested. "You can always ground pound me!"

"Oh, my sweet little apex predator," Amelia picked up Gura, plopping the small shark on her lap, patting her head. "It feels wrong to ground pound someone as cute and innocent as you."

"Humph," Gura pouted, placing her fists on her knees while giving a sideways glance, puffing out her cheeks. "I'll forgive you… just this once…"

"Hey Ryan!" Ryan's face paled when the hot-headed manager Enma busted through the doors. Enma wore a wrinkled dress shirt with the top two buttons unbuttoned. She had a hoodie tied to her waist and her katana sheathed safely at her side. "When are you going to stop pussying out of that fight?!"

"I'm sorry!" Ina ran in the restaurant, panting heavily. "I tried to stop her."

"It's fine, Ina," Ryan sighed. Ina wore her hair/tentacle hybrid (in which Ryan really wanted to squish her bangs but refrained considering what happened last time) neatly down her back. She wore a sleeveless, purple dress. Luckily, she didn't have her gigantic tentacles out or she would have destroyed the door completely. "My other half has been raring for a fight, recently."

"Your other half?" Enma asked, curious. As of now, Kiara, Calli, Amelia, Gura, and Ina knew about Edhas, but Ryan didn't really care if it was a secret or not. Right now, they were in a time of peace since the Magical International Liberation Foundation (MILF for short. Yes, I know.) was destroyed, so he didn't really have any reason to hide it.

"You'll find out soon," Ryan smirked.

"Well, let's go!" Enma unsheathed his sword. With a gust of wind, Ryan was behind Enma. He turned his head slightly, revealing that his eyes now glowed a purple shade.

"Let's take this outside. Ryan would kill me if I destroyed the restaurant," 'Ryan' chuckled. "Not that he can, of course."

-

"So, your name is 'Edhas', huh?" Enma had a feral smile on her face as she drew her katana. "I hope you'll entertain me."

"Likewise, Enma-dono," Edhas said, holding out his right hand. With a soft hue, a sword willed itself into existence in Ryan's hand. The sword was pure white, the sun reflecting on the metal. Intricate sapphire vines were weaved throughout the blade, sprouting from the circular gem at the bottom of the hilt.

"Why don't I get that kind of respect?" Ryan asked, as he was now the telepathic voice in Edhas's head. How the tables have turned.

'You're not a warrior,' Edhas and Enma stared at each other, examining each other's posture, looking for flaws and trying to predict their opponent's moves before they even started fighting. 'This woman is.'

"Whatever," Ryan groaned. "Have fun with the muscle-headed wife of your dreams. Speaking of which, I know just the person to introduce you to, considering your sister complex."

'Okay, shut up, I have to focus,' Edhas thought. Enma noticed that he lowered his guard ever so slightly when he conversed with the person in his head and took the opportunity to strike. Enma dashed for Edhas, her arms crossed. Edhas wondered if Enma was used to wielding two swords, but that was a thought he could ponder on later. He dashed to the right, creating a small, invisible platform out of magic after a few inches and kicked on it, launching him behind her. He created another platform, kicking it to launch him towards his opponent. Enma reacted just in time, spinning around to barely catch the blade aimed at her neck with her own.

"Not bad," Enma's feral grin only grew.

"You're not bad yourself," Edhas smirked, though it was a lot more casual than Enma's predatory smile. The two then clashed blades, slowly increasing in speed until the blades weren't visible to the naked eye. Edhas's smirk widened as he went for a feint technique he created, creating five after images of a blade each slashing in different directions to throw off the enemy. Surprisingly, Enma successfully clashed with the correct sword.

"Is that all you have?!" Enma shouted, her blood boiling. Edhas could feel the excitement radiating off of her as they continued to fight.

'Fuck this,' Edhas channeled a small amount of magic energy into his blade and arms, intending to end the fight. Enma obviously noticed this and matched his mana output. When their blades clashed, the force of the collision was enough to send them both back flying.

"How about we finish this?" Enma skidded to a halt a few meters away from the clash zone. She assumed a fighting stance, a trail of red flames flowing from her blade.

"It would be my honor," Edhas twirled his blade, white fire following the blade before he assumed a battle stance of his own. The two let out a battle cry charging. The impending clash caused an explosion of dust and debris to fly all over the place.

"You know, you two shouldn't be exerting so much magic at a place like this," When the dust settled, A-Chan was revealed to be holding both of the blades with her bare hands. Enma was obviously straining, but Edhas didn't seem to have any difficulties as he pried his blade from the general manager. "You might attract someone."

"A-Chan!" Enma stumbled back as A-Chan let go of her blade. "I-I wasn't keeping track of my mana output! I'm sorry!"

"Boo, you're such a party pooper," Edhas jeered, his sword vanishing in a white light as he let go of it. "It's nice to see you haven't changed, A-Chan."

"As much as I would like to say the same, you are still far too reckless, Edhas," A-Chan adjusted her glasses, shooting Ryan a glare before turning to Enma. "Enma-san, we're leaving."

"Y-yes, A-Chan!" Enma scurried to follow A-Chan as she turned and left via the alleyway.

'A-Chan might be calm and collected, but she's really scary when she's angry,' Edhas said as he relinquished his control, the purple glow fading from his eyes.

'I'll keep that in mind,' Ryan tried to shake off the sores on his body to no avail before turning to the massive crater in the middle of the lot.

"I'm going to have to deal with this now, aren't I?"

-

Fortunately, Ryan only had to use some earth magic to fix everything. He opened the door to his apartment, flopping on the bed. 'What do you want to do today, Edhas?'

"Hey, Ryan," Edhas's voice sounded uncharacteristically serious. "Are you sure you're content with this life? With the strength and skills at your disposal, you can do anything you want, say for taking over the world."

'You know, I've thought about it,' Ryan said to his other half, a small smile on his face as he put his hand up, staring at the ceiling. 'It really isn't about the pay or the fame. With the people I'm with, I don't need all of that. I have my friends, and that's all I need.'

-

Omake: Ryan's Mom

"For the last time, mom!" Ryan groaned through the phone. "I'm trading stocks! It's not like I don't have a job!"

"Whatever," Korone scoffed. "It's not my problem if you wanna die."

"Whatever," Ryan said, hanging up the phone in a huff. Korone smiled brightly, looking towards A-Chan.

"Did I do good?" Korone asked.

"You did great," A-Chan said before turning to literally every other Hololive JP star. "Who wants to play the role of Ryan's mom next?"

"Oh, me!" Noel chirped, raising her hand. "I need to work on my sexy mommy voice anyways!"

"Alright," A-Chan pushed her glasses up, writing down on a piece of paper. "Noel, you're up next, but Mio is going after you."

"Aw," Lamy pouted, taking a swig of alcohol. "I wanted to go next."

"I told you, once you bring down your alcohol consumption to 10 bottles of hardcore booze a day, you can have a turn," A-Chan said.

"Fine," Lamy slumped, a defeated expression on her face.

"Now," A-Chan looked at her list that was titled 'Ryan's Mom Acting Schedule'. "Things have been going pretty well."