Chapter 58 - Mother

Gab took a deep breath to explain the reason why she brought us here. "I'm so sorry that I didn't mention this to you, but I hired a detective to find your mother's whereabouts last year. I really wanted to help you reunite with her, but I found out just this afternoon that she was already..." Gab couldn't continue what she was about to say. She was sobbing.

I looked again at my mother's grave, and even though it was just in front of me, I still couldn't believe that this was hers. That I would never see her again. 

I was always thinking that she was living happily with herself or with her new family somewhere without even remembering me. 

"She left you in the orphanage, but I found out from a nun there that more than a decade ago, she came back to that place and was looking for you." Gab continued, which made Hyacinth gasp since she was aware of my story. 

My eyes widened at what I heard. 

My mother came back for me? 

She was looking for me? 

"Even though she shouldn't have left the hospital she was admitted to because of her serious illness, she ran away while having few days left to live just to see you for the last time... but you were no longer in the orphanage. She was not able to see you even before her last breath."

I felt like an invisible drum was inside my body and someone hit it hard. That created a trembling force in my whole system and made my world to stop spinning.

My vision was getting blurry because my eyes were already swamped with tears. My hands slowly clenched and I bit my lower lip, trying to get a hold of my emotions. 

I realized that everything I believed about my mother was just a lie after hearing what she went through back then. 

I didn't even know that she was sick. She never complained about anything and did not appear weak to me when we were still together, making sure that she would always look strong and reliable to me, her son. She bravely took the role of both mother and father for me when my father left us after I was born, and she struggled to raise me all by herself. 

I could already imagine how painful it was for her to leave me in the orphanage after realizing she could no longer take care of me in her state. 

But I hated her and blamed her for everything, while knowing nothing of what she was going through. 

I looked up and exhaled deeply to hold back myself from crying.

I was too young back then and felt betrayed. Resentment occupied my heart and mind against her, with the thought that she had abandoned me because she no longer wanted me and considered me a burden. 

I even used that hatred as my motivation to succeed in life because I intended to make her regret leaving me after seeing how successful I became.

I felt my tears stream down my face as I stared at her grave. I wiped my cheeks and sniffled.

"Hyacinth, let's give her time alone with her mother," Gab said to Hyacinth. 

"Alright." 

There, I heard their footsteps leave. 

I felt the painful emotion surging into my whole system after being left alone and I could no longer bear to hold it back. My knees fell down on the ground near my mother's grave. "M-mom..." I was having a hard time breathing from sobbing too much. "Why didn't you tell me?... Why?..." My head was bent down with my eyes tightly shut and my tears were dripping down on the letters of her name engraved on her grave.

I was clutching the bouquet of flowers that I nearly crushed its handle.

I punched the ground on the side of her tombstone and couldn't feel the pain in my fist after doing that. All I could feel was anger mixed with betrayed feelings inside my chest. 

Even though I already knew that she left me because she loved me so much and all she hoped was to give me a better life, I still felt those things after knowing how she suffered alone. 

"I'm so sorry Mom. I'm sorry..." I was bawling miserably like a mad man. "I've blamed you for a very long time and hated you... because that was the only thing I could do to stop missing you. I'm so sorry..."

I could remember how my mom worked so hard as a sewer, having sleepless nights just to earn and buy the things I wanted and needed. She wanted to give the world to me. 

"I always dreamed of seeing you and being with you again. I wanted to show off how I'm living my life now like you always wanted me to, but it can't happen anymore... because you're gone... You have really left me..." I could feel my world was slowly crumbling down.

She was the most selfless person in the world... but I failed to give back everything to her. I lost my chance to make her happy.

I let go of the bouquet and vented my frustration to my hair. "I shouldn't have left the orphanage and waited for you! I should have believed you when you said, you'll come back for me!" I could imagine how desperate she looked while trying to find me in the orphanage, and was miserably crying after knowing I left the place. "I'm so sorry for not believing in you, Mom... s-sorry."

Only my wailing could be heard in this silent cemetery, and the realization fell upon me that half of my life... was just a lie. 

~Narrator~

Gab and Hyacinth were just in the car while waiting for Terry to return. The car, "Lily," was parked not too far from the entrance of the cemetery, and they were the only ones that were there that night. 

The two were not talking, but they could feel the grief of Terry, mourning the death of her mother and they were silently shedding tears.