CHAPTER 13

Just like that, my heart rips over and over until nothing is left intact. My soul hurts in a heartbreaking and cruel way, I want to scream until I feel my lungs burn, but I can't, not anymore. My voice has faded along with my strength, there is nothing to do. Even my mind thinks, my heart can barely beat and my body struggles to keep what little is left of me alive, when I just want to let myself go.

I pray that I at least lose consciousness and thus get rid of my nightmare, but even that little necessary pleasure is denied me. Each breath is a feeling of misery and cruelty. For the first time, I hate everything that keeps me alive. I collapse, letting the cold ground hug me. I wrap my legs into a ball, there I stay.

There is nothing you can do to avoid it __. Those words repeat themselves over and over and over in my mind, slowly tearing up what's left of my life.

Time collapses in me like ethereal bursts of unconsciousness, like being in the background in my existence. I can see and hear everything that happens around me in an alienated and unconscious way in my state. It is a kind of mist that clouds my reality without my wanting to fight not to bend to it.

The door opens again, the tapping of heels passes through it, getting closer to me every second __. For God's sake, Suhaila! __ his melodious and gentle voice falters when he pronounces my name.

I don't know what deplorable state I'm in, but I imagine it's terrible enough that a woman like Agata Suiffer can't keep her voice from breaking when she speaks.

The silhouette of her flawlessly gleaming black heels fade behind her knees, collapsing to the hard ground. His hands move the strands of hair that covers me away from my face. Gently she snuggles me into her hands, offering light caresses.

__ What have they done to you? What have they done to you? __ repeats as if he could find the answer that I am not able to give him.

__ You have an hour to prepare it __ announces a thick voice from the door.

__ Then go away and let me do my job __ he coldly orders the guard, and then he feels the door slam shut.

Agata helps me to stand up by placing me at her height, she takes my face between her hands and delicately wipes the tears that brush my skin. I had even noticed that she was crying, she looks heartbroken, but I can barely cope with what she is feeling right now.

__ Suhaila __ calls softly over and over again hoping to find someone in me who is not there, who has left only leaving an empty spectator in this badly created spectacle of life.

A part of me wants to at least let you know how much I appreciate your love, but no matter how hard I try, I can't. This state of inertia barely allows me to be partially aware of what is going on around me and so I continue when it seems to give in to bring me back. Start doing what you came for.

Two pairs of hands lift me up, make my legs walk ineptly until they reach the tub, remove my clothes and make me enter it. They cleanse my body while I am moderately aware of it, Agata's voice whispers words of comfort saying that everything will be fine. I wonder if he says it to me or in a pleading way as a reflection of his concern.

They fill my skin with aromatic essence and put the fabrics they have brought for me without my paying much attention to them. They make small ripples in my hair that rest on my shoulders, carefully outlining my swollen and red eyes.

A knock on the door makes all the fluttering around me stop.

__ It is time. Suhaila, you have to react __ begs Agata.

But no, I can't and I don't want to, what for? It is better to die than to live what awaits me.

__ Suhaila listen to me! __ shakes my shoulders with force forcing me to look at him.

__ I know that you are scared, that you think that everything is lost and that it is better to die because you cannot do anything to fight.

So if you understand why you just won't let me do it?

__ But you are wrong, if you can fight __ he affirms without any trace of doubt.

That touches something deep in my mind, makes me look at him for the first time without feeling submerged in nothingness. I leave the void and observe him as if there were life in my body. A breath of relief crosses his face.

__ I cannot imagine what you must have had to go through all these years, how many times you have been told that you are worth nothing and put aside as something insignificant reminding you that there is nothing you can do about it to change it __. He places two fingers on my chin forcing me to lift it.

__ Let me be the first person to tell you that this is not true, not unless you allow it. If they tell you to lower your gaze, you will lift your chin like the top of a mountain, if they tell you that you are worth nothing, you will scream that you are everything and not only to them, but to the world.

__ This is a world of men Agata, they will never allow that ...

__ And who are they to stop allowing you? They submit us because we have given them that power. Women like you hate their circumstances, yet they do nothing to change it.

__ But how could we make a change in a system that has been around a lifetime?

__ Start by changing yours first, slowly arrange your pieces and never forget that even in chess, the queen is the most important piece on the board. She is free to go anywhere without strings attached, only one rule governs her: One play at a time. And you, you are a queen __. Turn the chair until I find my reflection in the mirror.

__ This is not your end, this is just your beginning to work out what you want step by step. Men have always underestimated them, no one believes them capable of anything else than looking beautiful or satisfying their needs. This is how they educate them since they were a child, telling them that this is their mission in life and they must resign themselves. But there is a truth not far from here by which they are isolated from the outside world. Have you ever wondered why foreign slaves are brought in at an early age and go to the trouble of raising them until they can be sold?

__ I ... no, I've never thought about it ... __ A smile crossed his face.

__ Outside of this country and its archaic customs, there is much more, strong women who run their own businesses, control their lives and their home without any ties. Men not only respect them, they fear many because they know that they can crush them as their equal. For a woman there are no limits even in heaven Suhaila.

It is not the first time I have heard it, my mother was born in a country far from mine, from her I learned to love her Christian God and know his words. I always thought that those stories of women who owned their lives were just that, stories to sleep on.

__ Now get out there and show them that no one can destroy you or bend you without you letting them. Never forget who you are Suhaila Korkmaz __. He kisses my cheek and when he looks at me stand he observes me with pride and a damn smile drawn to perfection when he contemplates me completely.

When I look at my outfit I understand, the door opens and two guards who come for me enter through it. When they look at me, their faces make it clear that Agata will achieve what she sets out to do.

I take each step with confidence, I click my heels on the wooden floor remembering those days when that sound announced the imposing arrival of my father. One step at a time I move forward with Agata not far from me, I can imagine her smile.

The dress has a pronounced V-neckline that pink my navel, consists of a transparent elastic mesh fabric, it adheres to every inch of my skin making my curves noticeable. A woven design in sky color forms triangular figures forming drawings on the mesh that covers my skin a little, at least in its important areas. It leaves my hips and legs remarkably uncovered only decorated by the mesh and some other tiny decorative fabric that touches my feet like stone ornaments. A tail rises from my hips, letting it fall freely down my buttocks until it caresses the ground.

To say that that talk made me feel strong and invincible is wrong. One day I heard that avoiding your fears only leads to the unequivocal end of succumbing to them. Am I still afraid? __ Yes __. Am I still devastated? __ Of course. But that, they do not know and only I am the owner of that secret.

I step forward every inch steadily, even when my world collapses at the sight of them. Kiara and Leceth wait at the doors of the mansion. Her look of hatred and his look of anger are that nectar that drives me to lift my chin and smile proudly. If they thought they saw me collapsed and desolate they were wrong and someone else enjoys the show.

Agata lets out a giggle, making it clear how much she likes what she sees. But nothing compares to Ali's, her gaze swearing death on Leceth. Seeing me, his eyes twinkle with a lopsided smile sharing the triumph.

Leceth takes a step to approach me, Zagin, who until now had not seen him, prevents him by stopping him by holding his arm and then approaching.

__ I'm sorry I couldn't avoid everything you've suffered __ he whispers to be close enough __. I hope you forgive me, but this is the only solution I could find __. He watches me distressedly before taking my hand and kissing the back.

So it was him, that's why my brother's face of disgust, if I can still say so. Maybe my life with that man who awaits me will be hell, but nothing compares to being under the clutches of Leceth.

Agata places a cape made of the same fabric as the train of the sky blue dress on my shoulders, closes it with a brooch that rests on my chest.

__ Remember what I told you, no one can hurt you if you don't give them permission to do so. They can try to destroy you, but only you decide if they succeed __. She hugs me like a mother would and only lets go when Ali gets close.

__ Thank you for everything you have done for me __. Tears sting in my eyes, I struggle to contain them, this is neither the time nor the place for it.

__ You don't have to thank, I owe it to your mother, my great friend. I loved you from the day I met you Suhaila, Dawn Star, shine and never let them turn off your light.

That imposing and strong woman has brought me back to life and I promise not to disappoint her. Ali escorts me to the black car waiting for me. I go up to him feeling all his glances on me, but I don't turn around, there is nothing to see.