SURVIVAL PART 11: Angel of Death.

The darkness around me started to feel soothing. I was letting myself go, letting myself die. All the hope, all the faith was gone. There was nothing left to live for. Even if we were to survive, we were probably never going to leave this place. We would be slaves to this man’s will for the rest of our lives. So I decided not to fight back, and not to hold on. I decided to let the angel of death take me away from this world, slowly, and bring me closer to heaven.

Somehow that particular image of death; the angel that takes you with him, a heavenly place where your wishes come true, not having to suffer the earthly pains, it made me accept, or at least be less scared of death. Those stories told to children to make them behave finally found their use after all.

However, my dream full of divine light got broken by something. Looks like what people say is right: “when you forget god, that’s when he comes to slap you in the face and tell you: I AM HERE.” I guess when I wanted to let go of life, he decided to tell me: “DON’T YOU DARE.”

I felt something on my hand, like someone grabbing my hand. I could faintly hear: “Common Ques! Let’s go!” I could not understand how the angel of death could sound so hard, and girly. In my head, it felt so soft. It took me about five minutes to actually bother to open my eyes and realise it was no one else than Kayra untying my hands.

Me, faintly - How?

This puzzled me more than I cared to admit. I was secretly asking myself whether I was hallucinating, whether the pain, and lack of food, was creating some kind of delusional dream. Was it ?

Kayra - what did you think I was scratching the chair for ? I'm not mad, I was using the nails on the chair to cut my ropes.

She was smart, I knew it, and she had just proved it. She went to untie Chris as I helped with the others. At first, he could barely stand up. After having been hung up by his hands for so much time, his legs were a bit sore, we all were. He decided to go free the other boys as soon as he gained back his walking abilities.

He hadn’t freed Jace yet when we ended with untying every girl. Aayat was weak, the stress and sadness must have gotten to her. I asked Rebekah and Maya to help her as Kayra checked looked for injuries. I went to help Kaleb up when Chris asked the inevitable question.

Chris - What should we do about Jace?

I looked at him like a puppy asking for help. He could read in my eyes the pain and the desire to save Jace. But Jace had already lost everyone’s trust, hadn’t he? Everyone now believed he was nothing else but a traitor. I was the only one who still believed in the story everyone thought was ‘just another lie’. Was it my love for him that blinded me, that prevented me from seeing the truth? Did his love make me believe a story that was apparently fake? Chris kept looking at me, asking for an answer. Ryan’s mind, however, was already made up.

Ryan - That dog betrayed us all. We have been followed, hunted because of him. And if we do take him along, these people are going to keep on chasing us. If it’s him they want, I say we leave him here and be free.

As much as I hate to admit it, I could understand Ryan’s reaction. Although he seemed hard and careless sometimes, Ryan cared deeply about his friends. He loved us, and his love often made his reactions to people who hurt us even harder.

He was angry that Jace betrayed me, because he knew just how much I loved him. He thought Jace deserved to be punished for what he did, that he did not deserve to be saved. I wasn’t angry at his reaction. On the contrary, I was touched by how much he cared. I didn’t believe Ryan could care so much.

Chris - Kaleb?

Kaleb – I believe it should be Quesiyah’s decision. I agree that Jace lied to us, but his story does make sense. I would believe it. And plus the one who got the most betrayed is Quesiyah.

Ryan – hey we’re losing time here. These guys are going to be back any minute. Just leave him here.

Chris – I agree with Kaleb, let Quesiyah decide.

And as they all looked at me, I stood there, head down, frozen. I didn’t know what to believe, I didn’t know what to decide. Should I believe the man I loved, and I knew was a good person? Or should I listen to Ryan, because what he said also made sense? Should I risk everyone’s life for one man who could possibly be lying?

Who to choose between the people I knew were my family, and the first man who ever managed to break down my walls and make me love? It was an impossible choice, of which both options would inevitably lead to terrible consequences. If I save Jace, and he lied, everyone is in danger, and if I leave him and he is innocent, I could never forgive myself.

My heart pounded at the mere thought of having to choose? What would happen to us, to him, once I decide?