44. Tyler

When I finished therapy and got all my shit together, I started changing my life and prepared not just my own self but my whole life style, my house, my schedules and my routines. Completely transforming myself into being a father even though I haven't met my son yet, since I am completely positive that soon Keya will come back and let me meet him.

I renovated my house into a child-friendly house, built my son his own room, prepared all the things that he will need to play the family sport together. In the past years, I have been doing all of those in the hopes of meeting my son and reuniting with Keya.

However, there are also days where I thought to myself that I am being ridiculous, I became hopeless-- drowning myself with tears every night due to regrets. Even overthinking that what if Keya won't let me meet my son and yet... I was indeed right.

My head still cannot process what I have heard. I keep on repeating it to my head and even saying it out loud to fully sync it in.