Chapter 20

I tip toed into the night in my mini floral dress and matching flats.

I scanned the area until I caught sight of John's car. A thought suddenly dawned on me.

I walked quietly and got into his car

"Hey" he said "Good evening"

"Hi" I replied "Where are you taking me?"

He smirked

"You'll see"

We drove in absolute silence. I was starting to feel uncomfortable due to the fact that I can be an extreme talkative. I hate silence.

"If this is the part where you take me to a lonely place me to kill me you better re think. I took self defence classes in pre school. I've got moves"

He chuckled

"I bet you do"

In less than fifteen minutes, he parked the car on a lonely road.

"Don't get down" he said as he got out of the car

"Okay"

That sounds like something a murderer would tell his victim.

He came over to my side and opened the door for me.

Awww, what a gentleman. I got down and he locked all the doors.

"Still think I'm tryna kill you?" He teased

"Hmm depends"

He took hold of my arm and led me further down the street. I couldn't ignore the warm fuzzy feeling I felt at our contact.

I was in awe when we got to the end of the road. The saying "there's light at the end of the tunnel" is literally true. At the end of that dark lonely road came the brightly lit streets of Rome.

"You brought me to town!" I exclaimed

"Yup"

The streets of Rome were in bright yellow and red colors. It looked so beautiful at night. If not for the moon, you'd think it was daytime the way people were packed doing various activities.

It was then that I noticed what he was wearing. He looked even better in casual clothes. He was wearing a white tee and jeans with a black biker jacket. I was wrong when I thought he was handsome. He's beyond that. He's absolutely breathtaking .

"Come on" he said

He took hold of my hand again and led me down. I admired every little thing I saw from the cinemas to tall beautiful buildings to fancy restaurants. I've traveled round the world. How come I never thought of Rome?

We ended up at a very large gate in front of a tall building. He pushed the gates open and we entered inside the compound. The structure of the building looked very familiar. I had to look at it until I knew what it was.

"You brought me to a church?!"

I was shocked, curious and angry at the same time. Why on earth would he bring me here? Was he judging me? Did he think I needed God or a spiritual being to guide me?

"Why did you bring me here?" I angrily asked him

He just smiled. He didn't seem fazed my by anger which made me even more annoyed..

"Why else? To pray"

"Are you judging me?" I shouted

"Oh no. I think you're the one judging yourself. What else would make you think that?"

I tried to walk away but he pulled me back

"Not so fast"

I pointed at his chest

"You have no right to... "

"Can I be honest with you?"

"Do I have a choice?" I rolled my eyes

"I brought you here because you have no sense of direction"

"Meaning?"

"Meaning exactly what you think I mean. This is gonna be a long story. Are you willing to listen?"

I thought about it. We've come this far. I might as well hear what he has to say.

"Fine. Go on"

"I've seen and heard bad news about you, I won't deny that. When I heard you were coming to the school I told myself that I would try and make you see life in a different perspective. The first day I saw you, I saw a troubled child. You confirmed my thoughts by crying and running out of class when I told you to write about yourself. I prayed for you that night. I prayed that things would get better for you. Then again, you spoke about not believing in God, that was when I knew things were serious. Ever since then, I've had the need to protect you cause God told me to look after you. When I look at you I see a lost soul who looks for herself in sex, men and partying but you're more than that. You're special Ruby. There's something great about you that needs to be discovered and as a messenger of God, I have a duty to try my best to convert as many souls as I can"

"I'm an experiment then? You're doing this cause you have to"

He sighed

"No. Let me show you that there's more to life than your wild ways. If after tonight you don't learn anything, I will never bring it up again"

"Do you bring all students here?"

"No. Just you"

Good

"What's so special about me?"

"I don't know. What I know is you're not living life the way you're supposed to"

I sighed. Rainer would want this. He would want me to change. He would want me to do the right thing.

"Okay. How do we do this?"

"Take deep breaths and prepare yourself to receive God's presence"

"Alright"

How hard can it be? I closed my eyes, took deep breaths, cleared my head and made myself as calm as I could.

"Ready?" He asked

I nodded

He pushed open the doors of the church. He was ahead of me due to me taking my time. As soon as I walked in, it was like a breath of fresh air.

"Whoa" I whispered. I felt like I was floating.

It felt like a different world entirely.

Is it because of the gold plated walls?

The smell of fresh wood from the pews?

The dazzling sight of the altar or isn't that what its called?

Or is it because Mr. Henderson - the most beautiful man I've laid eyes on is here with me?

Whatever it is, it feels amazing. I felt like I was floating and somewhere in my head I can swear I heard the angels singing.

"How does it feel?" He asked me

"It feels.... great... indescribable"

I wasn't even paying attention to him.

Why haven't I been to a church before? It seems like a good place to run to when you have problems or when you just want to be alone. I had the sudden urge to lie down on the floor to feel the cold tiles. I had the sudden urge to get on my knees and pray.

"Follow me"

We walked down the center aisle till we got to the altar.

"Kneel"

We knelt down on the kneelers. We faced the altar. The altar was dressed in a green cloth. Two candles on each side of it. The glass windows had the pictures of the saints. The statue of Jesus on the cross was hung on the wall in front of me.

"Do you believe in God, Ruby?" He questioned

"No.. Uh.. I never thought about it. I just take life as it comes"

"Your parents sent you to a catholic school, surely they do"

Do they?

"I don't even know what they believe in. They're never around. I never get to talk to them that much"

"Is that why you behave the way you do? To get their attention?"

"Practically"

"Do you wanna know why I decided to become a priest?"

"Yes please"

"Because of my mom. We lost her to diabetes"

I gasped

"I am so sorry"

"Don't be. My father hated God since then. My mom was practically the holiest person alive. She said her rosary every single day. She would spend hours praying. She practiced what she preached. She gave alms monthly or any day she saw beggars on the street. She would volunteer to work anywhere to help people. In general, she was a lovely woman. She was the definition of pure"

"Wow"

"If she was so good then why did God let her die?"

I looked at the ground not knowing what to say. Why did He?

"I-i don't know"

"I'll tell you why. Let me ask you a question. If you were in a garden, what flowers would you pick?"

"The beautiful ones obviously"

"Exactly. My mother did her best to serve the Lord so much that it was contagious. Her greatest wish was that me, her only child would die serving the Lord too. Her greatest wish, even on her death bed was for me to become a priest"

"That's what drives you?"

"Of course. Something should drive you too. What does?"

I thought about it. Nothing drives me. I'm on my own. I don't even know what I want to be when I grow up. All I know is that I'll be rich. The only thing that used to drive me was my brother.

"Nothing" I murmured

"You may not believe in God Ruby but don't you think about how the world came into existence?"

"The big bang theory "I joked "coincidence? "

"Don't you wonder how everything is the way its supposed to be. Don't you wonder why the sun comes out by day and the moon by night. This happens everyday without mistakes. Don't you wonder how the seasons come and go the same time they're supposed to. How the earth revolves round. Don't you think there's a heaven beyond space? I don't know what you call it but that is not coincidence Ruby. It never can be"

I took a deep breath. Since he told me about his personal life, I should tell him about mine.

"I'm not reckless because I want to" I mumbled

"Why are you?"

"My brother died" I sobbed

He looked at me with so much pity in his eyes. He held my hand

"I'm sorry. What happened?"

"He killed himself"

Flashback

It all started when we were fifteen. I noticed that my lip-gloss, wigs and other parts of my make up would go missing. I always accused my mom which she would deny but then, why would she take them in the first place? She can afford the most expensive brands so why take mine? It couldn't be possible. I just thought I was careless enough to misplace them or forget where I kept them

Until one day, I entered Rainer's room to talk to him.

"Hey Rain" I said when I opened the door "how's it going..."

I screamed when I saw him. I was in shock. I never expected it. He turned back in surprise too. He didn't expect anyone to come in

He was in front of the mirror, dressed in my red flair dress and black heels. He had full make up on with a wig as well.

I was confused on what to say or what to do.

"Who are you?"

On a normal day I would ask "what are you doing?" But this isn't about what he was doing. It's about the reason why he's doing it, who he is and what he's becoming

"I am Rainer, Ruby. Who are you?"

"What's all the racket about?" My mom asked worriedly as she entered "I heard you scream from downstairs"

She stopped in her tracks when she saw Rainer

"Oh honey..." she cried

"Mom" I said "Rainer's...."

"I know darling. I know. I've always known"

How could I not have sensed this? He never spoke to girls at my school even when they were all over him. He loved reading magazines. He liked to do manicures with me. He would always admire my wigs. Why didn't he tell me?

"Come here" my mom told him

He walked over to her. She pulled him close to her with one arm and pulled me close with the other. She kissed our foreheads

"It'll be okay" she said "you're special, okay? I love you"

"Why didn't you tell me?" I questioned him

"I was scared you wouldn't understand. I thought you wouldn't love me anymore" he cried

"Oh Rainer" I sobbed "I'll always love you"

*end of flashback*

I related all this to John.

It was official. Rainer was gay. It took him a while to publicly come out. The day after that, he came downstairs with eyeliner on as we were heading for school. My dad stopped him. My mom pleaded with Rainer not to tell anyone since my dad was campaigning for presidency at the time

After my dad had won, Rainer came out. He asked a guy out in school and got punched in the face. His football teammates laughed at him any chance they got

They would write "faggot" all over his locker. They would push him down the stairs. I would always go and fight the ones I could but it wasn't easy. They would spray 'bitch' on his car. He was an easy target because he was the only one who had come out about his sexuality.

My dad hated Rainer. He said Rainer was ruining his image. They never got along after that. We even begged to transfer schools but my dad refused. He said "its your fault. Deal with your mess, serves you right". My mom was too busy to care. We barely saw her. All we had was each other.

Everyone hated him in school. They would tease him, send him death threats on the internet and beat him every now and then. We reported to the principal. He could stop the bullying but he couldn't stop the pain.

When we were 18, Rainer decided he wanted to transition to a girl. My father wasn't having any of it. It made my brother cry all day. I was the only one who supported him and stayed by his side. It was all too much to bear.

"Why can't I be me?" Rainer would complain "Is it so hard to be who you are? In a world full of copies, I just want to be an original"

One day, after cheerleading practice I entered Rainer's room to rant about how a friend of mine annoyed me. I didn't see him in his room. I checked his bathroom to see if he was in there

That was when I saw him....on the floor with a knife to his chest. There was a paper right next to him which read. "They won. Tandem felix"

I was so overwhelmed that I passed out

When I was done, John paused as if searching for the right thing to say

"Now I see where you're coming from" he whispered

I nodded

"He was my best friend. My soulmate. Society took him away from me"

"I'm sorry. I really am"

Later that night when he dropped me off at school, I was in a much lighter mood.

"Thank you so much" I told him

"You're welcome"

I got down from the car and made my way to school.

"Ruby!" He called

I turned back to answer him

"Yes?"

"Make sure you pray tonight"

I smiled

"I will"

And I did. That night before I went to sleep, I knelt before my bed and prayed