Ep. 34

On the other side of the portal, I found a massive plain with green grass (grass, not weed), some mountains in the distance, and a massive fucking tower off to the right. I modified my wristwatch with Subjective Reality and gave it a small compass on the back. Apparently, I am facing South-ish, so the tower, which I guess would be Orario is in the east from where I am. Well, geography in DanMachi was probably the last of the author's problems.

Well, I have nothing better to do, so I just adjusted my hat, lit a cigarette, and started walking towards the tower. I was actually on a road, if you can call it that, so I might just find a random merchant or something to hitch a hike. My prayers were not answered in the least, so I started jogging at supersonic speeds. I reached the city in about an hour. Note to self: never use a massive tower as a reference for distance. Orario was much farther than I thought initially, but I'm a speedy boi so that didn't exactly matter.

I however had to wait in line to get inside the city. Luckily, some guard confused me with some sort of noble, so I was led to another entrance and received a quick pass. I didn't even have to pay, which is nice! I did ask the guards where the Guild was, so I moved pretty lazily through the streets. Orario was quite nice, but the backstreets were absolutely horrible. I could feel the waves of anguish and despair from the slums, so much that I decided to isolate those areas from my empathic ability.

Well, anyway, I was able to reach the Guild pretty soon and got in line for one of the counters. I was receiving quite a lot of stares and not many were the kind you'd like to be directed onto you. Many with lust, greed, and just plain ill-intent. I made sure to curse all of the people with such emotions. They will have erectile dysfunction and get constantly attacked by monsters, who will try to rape them. Hehe, bestiality for the win! I think I let out a sadistic smile since most Adventurers shuddered.

In a few minutes, my turn arrived. I was presented with a redhead wolf-girl.

"Good day! I am here to register as an Adventurer."

She looked at me from top to bottom. I was wearing my usual suit, so nothing too Adventurer-ish.

"You? An Adventurer? You sure you don't want to place a request or something similar?"

"Oh, if it's because of my clothes, they are woven in a special material and enchanted with magic. The best armor you can find in this city and quite comfortable to wear."

"No, not that. You look like a rich kid coming here to play, no offence."

"None taken. As a matter of fact, I am broke. Like, I literally don't have a single Vali(?) to my name."

"Oh, I see. Well, nevermind. I am Rose Fannett, your future advisor. Complete this form-"

"Done." I quickly completed the parchment she put in front of me.

"- Right… Let me see. Level 0? As in, you don't even have Falna? And obviously no Familia… Oi, how did you even survive until now?"

"Oh, you know, magic, brute force, killing my way through… The normal things non-Adventurers do."

"Yeah… Sure, what about your Familia? Have anything in mind?"

"Do you have a li-" she plopped a pile of documents in front of me. I quickly checked them all and found a couple of Familias that would be suitable for me: Ereshkigal Familia, with absolutely no Adventurers and a pretty gullible Goddess that I can manipulate, and Phobos Familia, since it's absolutely deserted and I would be able to come in and save the day.

"Rose, could you somehow get me an appointment with Ereshkigal here?"

"Sure thing. Wait around here while I inform Ereshkigal-sama." She put particular emphasis on the '-sama' part. Guess that being courteous to Gods is the norm here… Well, it makes sense, but no way in hell am I using those suffixes. Maybe just to mess with people.

Rose soon returned and informed me that Ereshkigal was on her way. Heh, as expected from a new Goddess, so impatient to get her first Adventurer! I sat at a table without people and started sipping on my blood-shake. Well, they at least had a sort of newspaper with some recent news, so I tried reading it. Tried is the keyword here: the language isn't a problem if I have to speak thanks to my All-Speak, but I don't understand the writing. I looked over to Rose and read her mind to find information on the written language. Not even a second later, I had a high level of understanding, plus my Supercharged Brain would soon fill in the gaps in knowledge.

The newspaper was quite boring, with just a couple of sections about incidents and deaths that made me chuckle. Can you believe that an Adventurer was found with a broken bone up his ass? Yeah, that happened. I couldn't see anything about 'Little Rookie' or whatever Bell Cranel was supposed to be called, so I guess that I am before canon. I couldn't really go by Rose's age since I think that werewolves live longer than normal people. Oh, I found an article about a recent expedition, and the Loki Familia is about to get to the 50th floor. I guess that I am about two years before canon. How magnificent, I might even be done getting stronger by the time Cranel arrives. Hm… I am totally causing a couple of Familia Wars or whatever those things are called.

After about an hour, a certain Goldilocks came into the Guild and headed straight to Rose while panting and breathing heavily.

"Rose *pant*, I'm here! *Pant* Where is the Adventurer you were talking about?!"

I sneaked behind her and whispered: "That would be me, Goldilocks."

Jumpscare ensued, hysterical laughter ensued, pout ensued. Damn, so many consequences for sneaking up on a Goddess.

"Yes, Ereshkigal-sama. This is the Adventurer interested in joining your Familia." said Rose from the side.

"Rose, do you have a meeting room, by any chance?" I asked. She nodded and lead me and the Goddess to a separate room. Oh, I forgot to mention, but she looks like the Fate rendition of her. Oh, how much I will enjoy messing with my dear Goddess!

Once we were inside the room, I applied some wards to prevent eavesdropping and keeping the air fresh, and so on. Ereshkigal was too pumped to even notice. I sat on an armchair and pointed to the couch opposite of me.

"So, Ereshkigal… I have read that your Familia is quite new, with no other Adventurers."

"That's right! So, do you want to become my child?!"

"Right, you call Adventurers as 'Children'... Anyway, hold your horses, Goldilocks. How about an HQ or something? Funds? Prospective partners?"

"N-no, nothing…" she said, quite demoralized.

"I see. Perfect for me. How does the thing work?"

"Thing?"

"The Child-making thing." I said with a cheeky smile.

"Oh, just take your… Shirt… Off… You fucker!" Oh, so pure! I laughed at her and took my hat, jacket, and shirt off. I hear her audibly gulping, courtesy of my breathtaking body. Ereshkigal pricked her finger with a needle and passed her finger across my back. Note to self: next time do it while laying down, to feel the Goddess' thighs, and compare with Lady Death's.

She also pasted a paper to my back, where I could feel something happening. Strange, the magic here is different, as well as the type of energy, so I can't really say what this is. I know that it's a Goddess' blood, so it must be some sort of Contract magic… Further research is needed. Ooh, this brings me back to my first few years in the Potterverse! I put my clothes back on and waited for Ereshkigal's response.

There was only one strange thing: Ereshkigal just kinda froze while reading my Status. I took the paper from her and confirmed that… I just skipped to Level 9 with SSS in all stats for all Levels. We're talking about 9999 in each stat, in each level, since I am considered a 'monster' even in this reality. God, how could this happen to me?

I also got several Development Abilities and normal Skills. Mage, Hunter, Strong Body, War Machine, Spirit Healing, Chain Attack, Spearman, Swordsman are my new Development Abilities, all ranked EX, while my new Skills are more interesting. Devious Mind, Damned Brave, Call of Blood, Supercomputing, Chess Master, Run My Dogs, Punisher, Noblesse Oblige. I love the names and can already interpret what some do: Damned Brave must be something similar to Finn Deimne's Noble Brave Skill, so something to do with mental resistance, Supercomputing must be an enhancement to my brain, since I can feel it working faster than before, Punisher and Noblesse Oblige are Suu Lotti's and Karen Morris' skills respectively, while I have no idea what the others do. Huh, cool.

"Hey, Ere… Wakey wakey." I said, snapping my finger in front of her eyes. I sensed something activating inside of me and Ereshkigal snapped awake. If I got it right, it must be either Chess Master or Run My Dogs, something to do with commanding people.

"Eh? Uh… Wait! What the hell are you?! There's no way you are a new Adventurer!"

"Chill, woman! You should have read my Status, no? I am a True Incubus Ancestor, not a puny human! And I am a new Adventurer, one with more power than all of Orario combined. Now, to the Hostess of Fertility to celebrate!" I dragged her out of the meeting room while dispelling my wards. I am sure that my Magic Core just 'exploded' after my Level Ups, so I am sure that… Wait… Level Up… Rare Candy… I can cheat the shit out of this universe, can't I? Hehe boi! I'll max out my stats, then take a Rare Candy to check out what exactly happens.

I dragged Ereshkigal to the Hostess of Fertility and took a seat at a free table. We were a little early, but it was still close to lunchtime by this world's standards. I didn't fail to notice Syr and her heavy breathing. Ooh, right! She's that pervert Goddess with a soul fetish! I will enjoy pranking her so much! I was taken away from my evil mastermind plan-making when a waitress arrived.

"Good morning! I am Chloe, what can I getcha?"

"Hello there, Chloe. You have pretty silent steps, don't you?" she flinched but still kept a smile on her face. However, I am sure that she is preparing to take that stiletto from under her skirt. "Well, we will take two bottles of your best alcohol, to start, and… Uhm, get the chef to make whatever she thinks it's best to accompany our drinks."

Chloe left for the kitchen, then I remembered something important. "Shit, I'm completely broke… Ere, do you have a Vali?" My dear Goddess nodded and started searching in her robe's pockets. Soon, she handed me a coin on which I used the Gemini charm several times. In a few seconds, I had an enormous quantity of Valis. I decided to apply the Gemino curse to the original coin and threw it into my Kamui dimension. I will be swimming in Valis within a minute.

"Care to explain that? Actually, explain everything." ordered Ereshkigal

"Ere, I don't like being ordered by people I just met. However, I will sate your curiosity since you gave me a Vali." I flicked one of the copies to her. "That was magic, which multiplied the coins. Theoretically, using these would be a felony, but no one knows except for us, right? As for the rest, I am a True Incubus Ancestor, something similar to a Dungeon monster or a Xeno. Evidently, I had enough Excelia accumulated in me to Level Up that quickly. Oh, you can already say to your fellow Gods that I am Level 2 or 3. That will surely cause some commotion. You don't need to worry about anything, dear Ereshkigal, just let good old Azagareth deal with everything."

The food and drinks arrived soon and we started celebrating the first 'Child' in the Ereshkigal Familia. I soon noticed that her Godly aura, or whatever they want to call it, is preventing her mind from being affected by my passive Charm. Truly enlightening, who knows what level of mind control would break this defence… Further research is needed. I will try it on-

I heard the front door opening while I was thinking of a target. I caught Loki and her usual cohort coming in and acting like they owned the place. Now, you might be thinking: 'Oh, use mind control on Loki!' but no. I have nothing against the girl/woman/Goddess, so I won't be mind raping her. I remember there being Soma, who's a pretty shitty God, and Ishtar, who is a bitch, so I can try it out on them.

The girls in Loki's group were staring at me with blushes on their faces, including Ais, which seemed to piss a certain doggy off.

"Oi! You bastard!" Hm… Whoever could he be talking to? "Oi! Don't ignore me!" Ooh, this will be a nice show, who knows who the unfortunate fucktard is?

Bete arrived next to me and cocked his arm back for a punch. I let him hit me, just for shits and giggles. I could see the worried face on Ereshkigal and the Adventurers' snickers. Bete's fist made contact with my temple and a loud *crack* spread through the pub.

After a few seconds, Bete's arm started swelling and he started screaming.

"How unmanly… And how pathetically weak." I stood up and gave him a Sparta kick. He flew back to his seat at Loki's table. I kinda wanted to pinch Ere's cheeks since she just had this adorably confused face.

I walked very calmly and very slowly towards the bad doggo. For scenic purposes, I made a few wisps of fire rise from my hands. "You know what happens to bad dogs in my hometown? They are disciplined. At times it can get… Quite harsh, shall we say." I looked at him like I was looking at a bad pet. "Now, will your friends discipline you?" I made a fireball appear on my hand. "Or should I do it for them?" If I had a microphone, I would have dropped it then and there.

Needless to say, Bete was scared as fuck and was looking towards his Goddess, while I started laughing like a maniac. "Pfft! Haha! Look at your face! Too much fun!" I healed his broken arm. "Hey, wolfy, take care not to piss off the wrong people, or you'll seriously get 'disciplined'." I then looked at the rest of the people at the table and tipped my hat like a gentleman. Smooth as fuck.

My lunch continued normally, if you exclude the curious stares from all of the Adventurers present, Bete's scared gaze, those two Amazonesses' lustful gaze, Loki's calculating looks, and Syr obviously getting off behind the counter. I mean, have some decency and do it in the kitchen! Ereshkigal was just super happy that I was strong and 'belonged' to 'her' Familia. As if, the Familia is mine now, but I will stand Ere's delusions. I paid with the counterfeit Valis and took off for an inn. I will introduce Mother and Risa to Ereshkigal. Maybe have them become 'Children' as well… I searched through the pedestrians' memories and found the best inn that money can buy. It was very luxurious, kinda like a 5 star deluxe or whatever the classification is, and it was also quite close to the Dungeon.

I placed the owner in a Genjutsu and got some info out of him: there was one other customer that was scheduled to go away in a couple of days, then the place was empty. Business was good, but this week was supposed to be the merchants' downtime. I ordered him to sell me the building and to not accept any other customer. After the other guy leaves, I will remodel this building into my private base. In the meanwhile, I got the two most luxurious rooms for myself, Mother, Risa, and Ereshkigal. Oh, the Goddess was just clueless throughout the exchange. I could literally (figuratively) see a question mark on her head.

I gave her a head pat and led her to her new, provisional residence.

"Well, I guess that it's time for you to meet your two new Children other than me." I took out my suitcase from the Kamui dimension and opened it up. Mother and Risa soon came out, giving me hell because I left them in there for too long. Fair enough, quite a few hours passed since I left the Potterverse.

"Okay, okay, chill." I passed them the knowledge about this reality with a quick Genjutsu. "This blondie is Ereshkigal, our new Goddess."

"Nice to meet you, Ms. Ereshkigal. I am sure that my son here gave you quite a shock, but you should get used to it. Knowing him, he'll come up with some crazy way to get stronger within the week."

"Actually, I've already done so, I just need a test."

"Told you. Anyway, I am Arastea Maleficarum, nice to meet you." Ereshkigal was flustered and didn't know how to respond. I am not sure whether it's because of people popping out of a suitcase or because I found a way to get stronger without even researching. Only scrubs need to research! I have a Supercharged Supercomputer inside my damn head!

"And I am Risa Banfield, Az's girlfriend. When are we getting Falna?" Right, that was the name… And so starts my 'adventure' aka messing around in another world!