Chapter Eight

I was dizzy, agitated and full of energy. I felt my bones shake ever so slightly with a restless excitement I had never experienced before. It mingled with the strangeness of having Chris – so handsome, so distant, so dreamy – standing at the center of my living room - it didn't feel like reality. I closed the curtains to the street, I made sure no one could see us in there, then I waited by him, not knowing what to do but smile, as he took in the house.

"Cozy place…" he walked slow, calculated steps to the corridor. Once there, he stole a glance into my bedroom, he looked past the stairs, then gazed upstairs.

"Your mother…" he started, his voice cool and collected as he examined his surroundings "…is she in?"

"No…" I chuckled "I live alone… remember?"

"Boyfriend?" he teased.

"I have no boyfriend. I've told you that, too." I pulled my hair behind my ear, blushing.

"Anyone upstairs at all?"

"No. Why are you asking?"

He paced slowly back to me.

"I just want to make sure no one will be bothered by my being here, that is all…" he smiled, knowing the answer. My eyes gave it to him willingly: that I loved the fact he was there, and no one was there to disagree.

He stopped before me, his finger casually sliding down the tight space behind my ear where I had tucked a hair lock. He pulled it free, then smiled at my nervous reaction.

"You're all alone in this big house?"

"Not completely… not anymore…" I blushed at my boldness.

"Hm… Aren't you cute?"

Torture. That was torture. My cheeks burned so hot, I thought they might fume.

"Well, I suppose I owe you. Here, dinner is on me…" He pulled a few bills from his back pocket and offered them to me. "Why don't you order us a pizza from your favorite place? And a bottle of… whatever they have. Champagne, wine…"

I shyly took his money.

"…Roomie." He smiled, teasing my embarrassment.

I felt the butterflies swirl again.

"Well, it's not like… It's not like we're gonna share a room or anything! I-I have an extra mattress in the basement somewhere, you can place it… wherever."

"I have a moral obligation to say that I wouldn't mind that at all…" he winked, flirting in that way that made my heart skip a beat "…but I'll refrain."

I only blushed.

"But… you tell me about the upstairs tomorrow. For now, I'll take the couch, and you order us that pizza."

"Yes, sir!"

What kind of distractions entertained us in the meantime? Was I as painfully awkward as I expected I'd be? …I'm afraid not. Some sort of seal had been broken, one that allowed me to talk more freely, to ask more questions, to inquire more about his life and about his work… And Chris was amused enough to sit across from me and answer them.

When dinner arrived, we sat around the coffee table and Chris popped what he called a cheap bottle of wine. He apologized for the quality before insisting I take a sip, and I didn't tell him I had never drunk before, therefore would not be able to tell the difference.

Of course, I had to drink if I wanted to keep the illusion of being a 17-year-old. But more than that, I really enjoyed pretending to be one… I enjoyed embracing these strange, different behaviors I had never had, I enjoyed enduring his flirtations and even risking a flirt back, I enjoyed the illusion… but no, I wouldn't call it an illusion, I'd call it… anticipation. I enjoyed anticipating who I would be, experiencing it now rather than later… experiencing it with Chris.

I held back a frown from giving away my secret… poorly. Chris once more apologized for the bad wine, so my inexperience was off the hook. And each time he offered me the bottle, I took a sip more eagerly. Placing my mouth where his had been, tasting this intimacy he carelessly offered, it all gave me a strange feeling of vulgarity, of freedom over myself, of being… indeed, a woman. And it felt like flying high.

…Like flying, indeed… but when you've never tried it before. When you have no idea how to land.

I was confusedly cheerful. The clock struck midnight. My head was heavy, my body was tired, I stumbled to my bedroom and Chris followed me to the door. Before I entered, we stood there, looking at each other, the borders of my vision blurred like in a dream, but I was now sufficiently aware it wasn't one. Today had been such a crazy day… I couldn't even believe he was there, I couldn't hold back my smiles.

Chris was warmer – his skin was hotter, it looked more tanned, with a red glow about his cheeks. His carefree energy, his self-possession, his serenity in comparison to how I crumbled in his presence, they all made him so alluring in my eyes. But then, as he stood there, the landing part of my flight came to be, and a sort of fear gripped me at the pit of my stomach. I was smitten by him… but intimidated by this very moment: this moment when pretending to be an older girl lingered at the border of the utterly unknown.

I said my goodnight, eager to leave, but one second of delay was enough for Chris to boldly close the distance between our faces. I flinched as he leaned forward, beginning to hyperventilate.

"What?" he looked down at me, inching closer and cornering me against the threshold.

"I…I don't know…" I answered, my thoughts racing confusedly in my scaredy brain.

"It's just a kiss." He appeased "You're not scared of one kiss, are you?"

"I'm scared" my brain pronounced groggily before I could decide.

"Don't be silly… Come here…" and again, slowly, and yet too fast for me to process, too fast for me to perfectly remember, he framed my face in his one hand and pulled it, while the other gripped me by the waist. Thus, without ceremony, he planted a kiss on my lips… a peck, soft and warm… but that wasn't it. That wasn't how 17-year-old girls kissed. His lips lingered, kissed me again. My body stiffened. His lips sucked on mine tenderly once… twice, then his face inched closer, his mouth opening against mine. His tongue pushed out, pushed in… into my mouth. It felt so strange!!! So strange, and so rich at the same time! My entire body seemed to start firing electric currents left and right. My heart began beating convulsively, and my eyes seemed to roll to the back of my head, the floor was spinning, I felt like I was levitating, and finally falling, for it all grew dark. I spiraled down from my flight, not knowing how to stand upright again… not knowing how to land.