The gentle boy she loved, became a jerk

Katherine Samson

For the whole day, she searched for him. In the university he attends with her, in the clubhouse he frequented, in the stores he loves to stop by. But nothing. Michael loves music. He’s always staring at that red metallic guitar displayed in that instrument’s store by the park.

She hopped on a taxi and told the driver to hurry head to that park. Questions after questions raced her mind like a flash of lights. That, and the clawing worry rising on her chest. They both drive her mind insane.

Not even once, Michael escaped her thoughts. ‘Where is he?’ ‘What is he doing?’ ‘Does he have enough money?’ ‘Is he okay?’ ‘What did he eat?’ Each question that pops up in her thoughts has an unsettling effect on her mind.

Like any moment now, she’ll witness Michael sprawled in another dumpster. Again with the barren look. Staring at the stars with depressed eyes. Wishing it will take him away from this cruel world.

She knows that expression of him, all too well. Because she was like that too. That may be the reason why she was drawn to him when they first met.

The taxi swerved to the left. Outside, she can see the park with its lush trees and people jogging inside the bush of gates. They drove straight and pulled up in an instrument store beside a clubhouse. The sidewalks are bustling with people. The store grows familiar to her. She remembers coming here with him.

After paying she got out and scurried towards the glass walls. P and G instrumental. It’s written in bold cursive letters on the front, just beside the glass doors. She pushed it open and scan her eyes inside. Men of different ages hauled together in two or three at the counter. The amplified strumming of the guitar reverberates the small area. She joined the crowd. Michael might be here. She swallowed the big lump on her throat and squeezed herself in.

In the center… he was there. Laughing with a burly guy in spiky hair and a tall freckled guy with a nose piercing.

Katherine’s lips spread widely across her cheeks. He’s really here. She parted her mouth to call out to him, but someone interjected her.

A woman. She placed her arm across Michael’s shoulder and glides her hips against his body. If that doesn’t shake Katherine, what comes next did. He leaned his face on hers and kissed her.

He freaking kissed her. In front of so many people. In front of the public. In front of all these guys. Even from here, she can see how he slips his tongue inside her mouth. The others cheered with ‘Oooooooh’ and ‘Way to go man!’

Katherine’s feet gone cold. A shudder went through her spine.

‘No. This isn’t real.’ She thought. ‘This can’t be real. It’s a lie. A lie. Yeah, maybe this isn’t Michael. Maybe this man is someone who looks like him.’

She took a step back and dropped to her knees. Behind a tall speaker on the side, she’s sure no one will notice her.

“Hey, Michael boy. There’s a gig tonight next door. Wanna play with us?” She froze.

“Cool! I’m in. Do we need to practice or something?” that voice, there’s no mistaking it. It’s really him.

“Later at five bro. We got an errand to go, and you -” Katherine heard the man paused and whistle.

“Got a good f*cking to do.” And they burst out laughing.

Her breath hitches on her throat. Hearing them laugh is like a poison to her ears. It’s drilling and digging on her eardrums. Ringing and shaking every tendon inside. Sending sound waves that drive her mind to madness.

She covered her ears with her hands. Tightly clasping them together. Shutting her eyes. Whispering ‘this isn’t real’ over and over again. The treasured memories she relish inside her brain are cracking, crumbling, collapsing.

One by one, they ran through her mind. Then the image of Michael kissing that girl interjects. And each time it did, it stabs her deeply. Loosening the grip she holds unto those memories.

This is not the Michael she knows… The Michael she loves is kind, gentle, considerate. Likes to make jokes about everything. Loves to play pranks on anyone. But no one is as warm and respectful as him.

No one…

So what is this? What do they mean about ‘ got a good f*cking to do’? A sobbed choked on her throat. She clamps both her hands on her mouth just to prevent it from coming out.

She’s losing him. The man who lived with her for almost a month, where is he? This is not the man she stayed with. She laughed with. She throws jokes with. She imagined sleeping with.

This is not the man who gazes at the stars with depressed eyes. This is not the man who embraced her if she’s scared. This is not the man who sucks at cooking. Who watch eagerly for her reaction. Who wears such a dejected expression each time she told him his food is disgusting…

None of this is real.

“Hey you, what are you doing?” a gruff voice speaks in front of her. She tore her eyes from the ground and look up.

A big burly man with mouth and ears piercing hovers over her with crossed arms.

“Are you a customer?” he scowled at her.

She shuffles on her feet and stood up with shaken knees.

“I-I’m sorry. I just…” she faltered. By instinct, her eyes found it’s way in Michael’s direction.

He’s looking at her. Eye to eye, they stare at each other. She can feel her heart pumps louder. A wave of excitement fills her stomach. But the more she gazes at his eyes, the more it solidifies in her presence. Completely unmoving, unwavering. It’s like the greyness in his eyes refused to recognize her.

It loses the gentle touch, the tender gaze, the caring sight. What’s left, is something she doesn’t recognize.

“Hey, dear boy you recognize this girl?” the burly man jabbed his thumb on her. Casting his bored eyes to Michael.

He shifts his eyes on him, then at her. She expected him to say yes. She expected him to run to her and take her away. To go home and go back to what they were yesterday. But he didn’t.

He just stared at her with stone-cold eyes and answered.

“No. My hand is always full of lady fans and admirers, not sure if she’s one.” he paused and stare at her from head to toe.

“So who are you? Did you come here to buy or to be f*cked?”

At this moment, Katherine felt her world collapse into pieces.