He’s leaving you no choice but to leave him

Katherine Samson

“What are you doing here?” he growled. Katherine bit on her lower lip.

“I - uh. I came home.” she stuttered. Her heartbeat is beating so fast she’s afraid it may come out of her chest.

“Who put paint in the door? Was it you?” she fell silent. She caught on to his anger. He caught on to her hesitation.

“It really is you.” he exhaled sharply.

“Why? Huh? Why’d you do it? To drive us out?” he asked, his voice rising.

“No. I just - just..” she bit her lower lip. Feeling her nerves betraying her.

“Just what? Stop stuttering damn it!” he slammed his fist on the nearby wall. Causing her to flinch and stepped back.

She closed her eyes, trying to calm her nerves. Digging out the resolve and courage she put up moments ago. Recalling those times when she witness him kissing another girl. Unraveling the sting, the burn, and the pain it causes her to feel.

She imagines the pain to be a binding chain in her heart. For days, she kept denying it. Which only cause her to feel more pain. Now she’ll end it. Time to accept. Time to batter up. Time to collect herself and face him.

She pictured she clasps the chain between her own two hands, she clench her fists and looks at him straight in the eye.

“I just want you to stop and look at me for a second.” she felt calmer now. Manifesting herself within the pain she tried to bury these days was a good thing to do. Sometimes, getting hurt will drive you to push forward. Giving you the strength to go on and face your fears.

But he’s not her fears. She was his love.

“What are you -” he started but she cut her off.

“I love you.” he stumbled. Her words caught him off guard.

“What did you say?”

“I love you. From the first time we met, down in that dumpster. You draw me in, by just looking at your desolated eyes. I know the dangers, I know the signs. Taking a stranger home is a very dangerous thing to do. But I shut down my hesitations and help you up. ”

“I carried you. I supported you. I pulled you on your feet. I helped you to get your old self back again. I hugged you when you cry. I stayed with you when you’re depressed. I cooked for you when you’re hungry. I provided you when you have nothing.” she can feel her voice cracked but she continued.

“I did all that. For love. And I’m not asking for anything. Anything in return. Except for you to continue to stay by my side. I - I was lonely. I was alone. I needed a companion. I needed someone who can take away my fears. Who can sleep with me at night. Who can wake me up in the morning with a bright smile.”

“And you gave me that. Tell me, can a lonely person such as myself falls inlove with someone who willingly provided me with everything I need?” she prodded further.

“Of course, I will. A million times I will.”

“You - you don’t know what you’re talking about.” Michael looks pretty shaken. Is it a lot to take in?

“I do. I mean, can I deny myself with the love you gave so willingly?” she stepped forward, trudging lightly towards him.

“I can see it in your eyes back then, I can feel it in your touch, from your words. I know you love me too. So what happened Michael? Why did you change?”

“ I missed your smile, your jokes, your laughs, your warmth, your cooking… All those moments we spent so happily together… What happened to them? Why did you start avoiding me?”

“Why did you leave? Just when I needed you the most?” Katherine can’t stop it now. Her eyes got blurred with tears. Even her voice cracked in between, but she continued.

“Why did you go and leave me all alone?” she stood a meter apart from him. She reach out to touch his cheek but he swats it away and slid past her.

He stops in front of the glass walls. Adjacent to the veranda, he draws the curtain aside and gaze below. He fetch his phone from his pockets and tapped for a few seconds.

Katherine felt her phone vibrates in her back pocket. Taking it out, she saw the notification blared from the screen. Successful bank transfer..? What is…

Her thoughts were cut off when Michael spoke.

“My payment. Rent and food expenses, electricity and water bills. I got it all covered up. So you don’t need to worry about it.”

Katherine shakes her head and struts towards him.

“No… No. Michael this is not what I want.” Michael’s back is facing her. Even as she speaks he’s still not looking at her. Resting one hand on the glass, he shoved his phone in his left pocket.

“Then what do you want?” he murmured.

“I just want you to love me. Please,” she begged.

“I’m sorry…” his voice sounded small. He fix his collar and cleared his throat.

“I can never give you what you want. So do yourself a favor and forget me,” he said with a firm directness. Without seeing his face, Katherine knows he’s gritting his teeth.

She prepared herself for this. For the rejection. She mustered all the courage she could gather. Numbing the pain inside.

But why does it still hurt so much? Her chest rose and fell in rapid breaths. His eyes weren’t on her but that doesn’t mean she will break down on the spot. No. Not in front of him.

He’s no longer someone she can lean on. He’s no longer the person who basked her with gentleness. He’s no longer the person who treated her with kindness… There’s not even a trace, of how he was before.

“Why? You already gave me what I want. For the past one month, we live in bliss. And then you changed. Michael, what really happened? Did I do something wrong? Then I’m sorry. I apologize. ” she sniffed.

“So please…” she said with pleading eyes.

“Stay with me.” She reach out again to touch him but he turned aside abruptly. Glaring at her. Shooting wildfire arrows from his eyes.

“Well, that’s f*cking messed up.” he leans his body in the glass and shoved his hands in his pocket.

“I thought you already know since you stayed with me longer than anyone else. But I’m gonna make this clear so your stubborn nitwit brain can understand. I don’t do love nor have any plans of indulging myself in a serious relationship.” he leans in, hissing those words in a low whisper.

"I'm an ill reputed playboy that belongs to no one. A pleasure seeker that can't be satisfied with one woman. So if I were you, you go walk out through that door. And stay away from me, from my band, from my sex partners. Never showing your face ever again, you hear me? You're such a nuisance.” he spat, jabbing his finger towards the door.

His words stop the whirring that pushes her to move. To breath, to feel. In plain whiteness, she stood still in front of him. With the last amount of strength before she loses herself, she whispered.

"I'm sorry if my presence bothers you. I'm sorry if I gave you too much headaches. If leaving is what gives you peace, then I guess this is goodbye. I hope you are happy now."

Her eyes no longer pleading. Her cheeks no longer strumming with tears. Inside her, she felt the pain stops all her senses. She can’t even hear her own heartbeat.

It’s like… she’s dead.

She no longer has the ability to feel anything. It’s all blank. Without another word, she walks out of her room. Not thinking of where she’s going, no thoughts forming, not feeling any inch of awareness around her...

She never stops walking. Away from that room. Leaving every piece of memories she treasured behind.