Chapter 4

I wake up with my alarm sound making me to irritate. Soon I knew am getting angry because of deafening sound of alarm and feel myself embress.I get up from bed thinking that I may get late. If l asleep for a while I know I will fall deep sleep. So I decided not to sleep and to wake up and do all those of morning washing and brushing of tooth and all.

I ate breakfast though I had no appetite to have at very early and I hate having my meals at early in the morning but when its comes to going school I don't have choice. I have to feed myself by any means so that I can study with full concentration. I walk to school again all by myself and somehow I had made my mind to kept distant with anyone. At last anyone is just with me so that they can hurt me. Thinking that my eyes became wet but I tried my best not to shed even a single tears.

I was lost in my thought when someone pad on my shoulder which made me to jump. It was Namgay and he was laughing so hard at how I easily got scared. I want to get mad and show my anger but I don't want someone to feel hurt with my anger and it's so childish. I act normal, and walk as fast as possible that I can keep some distance with him. I don't want to talk with anyone.

When I reach school gate I saw Dorji as well is entering the school gate with his friends, Karma, Tshering and Sonam. Soon Namgay too join them as I can hear him shouting something to his friends. I can see Dorji laughing so hard and am not sure what type of jokes his friends made him to laugh hard.

I see him serious most of the time and he even talk rarely to girls as well as boys other than his friends. I smile a little without notice of anyone with the way he is laughing and how cute he is when he is laughing. I blush myself at how am loving him much more than before and it's increasing day by day.

I walk very fast but not running, so that I won't feel awkward when he is walking behind me becaus I hate when some boys walk behind me. I always had a feeling that their eyes are focus on my bud. Aww I hate with my own thinking.

I sat on my chair when I saw Namgay entering class followed by Dorji. Namgay call my name and when I look at him, he just show me Dorji with his eyes which made me blush. I can feel heat burning around my face as well as sweating from my forehead and my palm are sweaty too. I just greet my teeth as a sign of angry and I made sure him to wait until class over with my eyes.

Actually it's just my acting. I love when someone tease me with Dorji. A week pass by and I can see that it's passing very fast. It's almost winter and we hardly had month to start final exam.

By now most of teachers had completed their lessons . Mine too, only physics was left and today we will close the last chapter and say good bye to book for class eleven. As class started most of the teachers didn't came class as they already had finished teaching and they are busy preparing exam papers while some come and go asking if we had any doubt, and if we had to inform his or her.

Today only physics teacher came to class and am sure he won't tomorrow as today we will be done with physics too. My physics teacher is very strict with time. Well he is the most hardworking teacher in my school who spend most of his time with students solving doubts. He is my best teacher. He would always give us inspiring talk whenever he had free time which made most of the students to motivate to study. I was happy that finally winter vacation is about to begin where I want to enjoy my time with my mother. But also sad thinking that I won't be able to see Dorji.

After class I walk direct through gate to home as we won't be even praying as we had all stop school activities like club and prayers and all as it's almost time to prepare ourselves for exam so that we can get enough time to prepare ourselves for exam.

I walk home reading biology textbook on my way. Some lines I read only once while some lines I used to read again and so that I can remember as some seems important and high possibilities to come in exam. When I was reading my biology textbook resting in the middle of my way where my arms are having cramps of holding a thick textbook for around ten minutes.

I saw Dorji and Namgay walking towards my direction from distant. Dorji is walking bending his head as always. He had got blue eyes which made him even more attractive. He is not tall but may be same with Namgay. He like to keep hair short. Actually short hair suit him.

My heart is beating at fast pace and I don't know why. I was lost in my thought when I realized that they are only few steps away from me. I got up and when I was about to walk someone grab my arm. I look back thinking whom would be and it was not other than Namgay.

" Let's walk together for today" Namgay said.

I just said " okie".

Then I walk left to Namgay where Dorji walk just opposite ( right) to Namgay. I can see Dorji was carrying brown bag on his back with few books in his hand. Namgay too had grey bag on his bag with few book on his hand as well.

My hand are sweating as well as my forehead. I don't want to spill even a single words as I don't want to embress myself Infront of my crush. Namgay starts to talk and am thankful for that so that I don't have to feel awkward moment. It's fiddly to stay silent with our crush. I laugh so hard at some jokes Namgay said. When I realised that, I blush thinking that I had laugh Infront of my crush. I don't have a habit of laughing and I just smile most of the time but today it's different.

" See who is blushing" I heard Namgay saying with smirk on his face making me blush more.

I just smile where I can see Dorji too having hard time. He smile at me with his red face. He looks so cute and his ear, nose, mouth, every thing that he got fit his body. He is not to tall just like me and I can't imagine if we got married how much of height our child will, and hope it won't be same as dwarf.

I'm thin but he is not really thin but kind of chubby. Still than I like everything about him. I can't believe that he is smiling at me. I look into his eyes for second while Namgay is busy taking out something from his bag, I can see through his eyes that he is looking into my eyes with love and emotions .

I sense that before too but I just ignore thinking that who would love me when even my father hate me left me when am two, not even friends nor my family except mother love me. But this time I know he too had a feelings. I was happy that at least I spend my some time with him. But still am not sure about his love towards me.

We part our way where we have different ways to reach home. I turn up when two of them made turn towards left and we wave goodbye. I look back on last time for Dorji where he too is looking back at me. I blush to that and I can see he too had blush. I saw Namgay wrapped his arm around Tshewang shoulder and soon he turn away and walk with Namgay.

I arrive at home , I give my mom a warm smile indicating that am in good mood as always. Whatever happens to me, I never show them to my mother as I don't like making her worried because of me. She already had worried and shed enough tears because of me when am small. She has to struggle enough because of me as am small where I can't do anything where my mother had to carry me and do work under others to make living.

All my siblings blame me for divorcing my parents and death of my father as it happens after I birth. But my mother always console me saying it's never was and it never will.

When I reach home I ate food and went to my room for study . After three to four hours of studying, I sleep thinking that I have to wake up early for tomorrow as I have to prepare for my exam . I usually used to wake up early and study than to stay late nights. I like studying in the morning fresh air, than studying late night. So I set alarm at 3 a.m and I close my eyes where black surround me.