Chapter 5

I was awake at middle of night with buzzling sound of alarm, which I had set at 2 a.m. I woke up and wash my face and brush my teeth. After that I sat in my room after dressing myself into school uniform as always and I sit on my bed leaning against window with blanket covering my lower part of body.

I open my chemistry textbook and starts studying. I continue studying until it's seven o'clock. I get up from my bed folding blanket.

When I open window and look outside, I can see the sun has already started to rise but it's has no heat. Still I enjoy the environment that I'm seeing. I inhale a long breath and exhale for three times with my eyes closing.

Whenever I'm not in a good mood or stress, I usually inhale and exhale a long breath to calm myself. By now it's almost seven thirty. I carry my bag and went out of house informing my mother who is busy gardening in garden.

I have enough time to reach school, so I just walk slowly reading my English notebook about some grammar rules. I was happy that, as usual Namgay was not on my way always taking nonsense and teasing me.

I actually hate to go school but it doesn't mean I hate studying. Yeah, I love studying but I hate school because it's hurting me to spend my time alone without any friends and always faking my smile. I want to smile but not fake, I want to laugh but not fake and I want people to love me but not to hate me. I don't remember myself spending time happily with anyone nor I do remember my each day spending without sheding silient tears in pain. It really breaks my heart into pieces and it's more hurtful to shed silient tears all by myself.

I had no

idea what I had done something wrong so that I have to bare such pain in my past life but in these life, I always care about others feelings and I haven't even talk harshly to anyone though they hate me so much. Though my friends hate me so much, I still love them and the reason why I stop being friend with them is, thinking that they may experience bad luck because of me. I don't want anyone to hurt them because of me.

With those thoughts I walk to school. I wanna study something while am walking but I couldn't. I shed my silient tears again and my heart aches thinking all those things. I was sobbing myself until I knew am at school gate. I wipe away my tears without notice of anyone and walk alone to class. It's embarrassing to walk girls alone without friends just like me. Still I want to cry screaming loud, why all people in this universe hate me so much and what did I do wrong but I can't.

As usual class start. It was during fourth period where I was having a liltle headache and I want to go and study outside of the class around science lab block . It's my best place to study during free hour and no one notice me when am there. So it's my favourite place and the cypress tree which give me shade and welcome whole heartedly unlike people around me is my only friend. I feel safe for no reason when am there leaning against that tree and place.

This is dzongkha period and lopen ( dzongkhag teacher in Bhutanese language) told us that he won't come to class. So do self study in silient. He too had got short hight. He is a simple teacher who doesn't talk much other than teaching. He would come to class as soon as bell rang for the class to start and also leave as soon as bell rang. In short he is very strict with time. He had no habit of keeping long hair unlike other male teachers. Usually dzongkha teacher keep short hair.

I knew if I inform class captain to study out of class, he won't allowed. I went out of class to that place without informing class captain and as always, no one notice me. I sit there opening dzongkha ( Bhutanese national language) textbook and start studying some grammar part.

After few minutes of studying, I get bored. I close my eyes with my head leaning against tree trunk and my book covering my face.

After sometime I can feel my head resting on something hard like it's someone's shoulder. Soon I open my eyes and saw Namgay besides me. Just like I thought I was asleep on Namgay's shoulder.

I ask, " why are you here and how do you know these place?".

He said, " it's a not big deal dear".

The word dear rang in my head. I asked, "dear? What do you mean by dear and who are you to call me as dear?"

He says, " Am I not yours? We are couple right? And you are mine from today".

I can't believe those words. I got up and rush back to class with anger, frustration and confusion all over my face. Whole day I can't concentrate on studying thinking about what Namgay said. He doesn't even seem disturb nor affect by what he said.

I know he had girlfriend who is in grade ten. She is a beautiful girl name Choden. As far as I knew, she is a kind heart as well as well manner girl. But recently I heard that they broke up because Choden cheated on him. Still I can't believe that she do cheated on him because the Choden I knew is not girl who will cheat.

I just thought may be they are creating rumors but yesterday I believe that she is cheating. I saw Choden and her new boyfriend dating in dinning hall with holding hand.

I can say how much Namgay was hurt by her but still I can't believe that he is saying such things to me. After class I walk to home as usual. When I reach home I saw my mom frying egg.

" See, who is cooking special food today. Do we have any guest?" I said hugging my mom from back.

She simply nod, smiling. I keep hugging her until she cried out to release her as she is having hard time to breathe. I unwrapped my arms and then I sat down.

I ask again," where is our guest and who are they?"

She replied, " u silly girl. Who would be our guest? it's you, my guest."

Then why do you have too cook special?" I ask.

" Because your special to me. Moreover these days I can see your not eating well. So I though of making you something special that will bring back your appetite to eat food " she said playing with my hairs.

My eyes get wet with the words she said and how much she care. With that I hug her tightl. I whisper thank you always for staying with me in her ear, in return she smile back to me. After that we had dinner. I went to my room to study. I study for around two hours and then I went to bed. And I close my eyes still not able to stop thinking about what Namgay said, with confusion and angry all written over my face again.