Just for a Moment

Pov.Asteria

I stepped outside, and I could see Bloodstar walking from side to side like a caged animal. I walked towards her and stretched my hand out, trying to calm her down.

"Hey, girl, what's wrong?" I reached out, trying to pet her, but she turned and growled. She seemed to snap back to reality once she saw me.

She opened her mouth and scratched it until pointing at her huge belly.

"You are hungry?" I asked if I knew what's wrong, I could help.

She nodded her head rapidly. I nodded after her.

"We are leaving tomorrow, first thing in the morning," I assured her.

She hurriedly nodded and dropped to the floor.

"Rest, okay, you'll need your energy for tomorrow," I commanded softly.

I heard Emily come through the trees.

"What's wrong with her?" She asked.

"She is tired and hungry," I answered.

"What are we going to do?" she pressured, coming closer.

"We will be leaving at the first sign of light tomorrow," I whispered.

"What?!" My mate's harsh voice surprised me, but I didn't turn to look at him.

"Emily, you should rest with Bloodstar for tomorrow," I whispered.

I heard her walk closer and get under Bloodstar's wings. I got up and looked at my mate straight in the eyes and nodded my head to the forest for him to follow me.

I stopped once I knew no one would hear us. I didn't turn around to look at my mate. I didn't have the guts on me.

"I'm leaving tomorrow," I whispered.

"What? Why?" He screamed sadly.

"You wouldn't understand," I explained, and I knew it was true.

He pulled at my arm and turned me around in a swing. "Then make me understand, please," he begged.

I was cautious with the emotions shown in my eyes. As they say, your eyes are the best window to your soul.

"I need to do it only by doing this. I will ever have peace again," I begged.

He raised his eyebrows and furrowed his forehead. He didn't understand why I needed to do this. I sighed and reached up to caress his face. I rubbed my thumbs over his cheekbones to move on to his jaw and finish on his lips.

"Only then, I will be able to give all myself to you," I whispered. "I need to love and find myself before I can love and trust anyone."

"What did they do to you?" He whimpered slightly, feeling my pain. "If I can barely take a trace of your pain. How can you even stand?"

"One day, I'll tell you, and as for the pain, you learn to live with it," I sob slightly. "Maybe one day I'll love you as my revenge."

"I don't expect you to wait for me. I would have already rejected you if it was the other way around," I proclaimed smiling, "I don't know how long this will take, and your people need a Queen, and even after I finish this, we don't know if your people will accept me or the other way around."

"Please, don't leave. You can do everything from here, where you will be safe," Erebus begged, pulling me closer, but my hands didn't stop caressing his face.

I stepped closer, and he tightened his arms around my waist. I stepped into my toes and brought our lips closer but, this time, it wasn't as passionate as the last one. This time it was more of a painful goodbye.

Once our kiss stopped, I connected our foreheads, not wanting to separate just yet. "Once you feel you can't take our separation anymore, I need you to reject me, okay, and I will accept your rejection, and no matter what your choice is, once I become Queen, I'll stop this war," I whispered.

Then I was surprised when he harshly pulled me closer, "Don't ever, I mean ever say that again, you belong to me now and forever," he promised. "I don't know what they did to you, but I promise to kill one of them for each tear that you have dropped."

I chuckled, "It's not just the phoenixes Erebus. It's my parents as well, I want to kill them, and I will eventually," I promised. "But I don't just want to kill them. I want to make them suffer and punish them for every tear and every drop of blood and shredded at the cause of them."

He raised his eyebrows and reached to pull a piece of hair behind my ear, "I thought you were supposed to be innocent."

"I was, but It was stolen from me," I moaned as he started kissing my neck once but stopped in an instant once he heard my words.

I cleared my throat and stepped away from him. "I just wanted you to know that because no matter our ancestor history, you are my mate," I announced and signaled him to walk before me.

I needed to think if this would have happened before what that monster did to me, I would have been static.

I smiled slightly at our moment and how comprehensive he was. I imagined myself and him in the lake as he hugged from the back and rested his chin on top of my shoulder while caressing my pregnant belly. And we saw the sun hiding behind the lake's waves, and we saw our children running around.

I shook my head. What was I thinking?

I'm not allowed to have children. Only the Goddess could decide when it was time to give me children. Everyone would think of me as the worst sinner, especially the council. For millennials, my bloodline has been pure, and I will never break neither will my children. If they do, I'll make sure to hunt them from the other side, just as I'm sure my ancestors would if I were to break it.

"So, you kissed him, huh?" Cahya's sudden voice surprised me. I chuckled at those words. No matter how annoying she is, I missed her, even if it was only for a few hours.

"I missed you, and yes, we kissed him," I proclaimed. "The thing is that it felt good. But I don't think it was the right choice for now.."