To Realize

The carriage clops along the street, wending down the slope of the mountain, carrying me to an inn located at the base.

In all my misery, I failed to realize one thing. I'm lucky to be alive. Kassian had every right and authority to order my immediate death. He could have me hanged along with Vasco and Zervas.

But he told me to go.

Why?

Why would he do that?

Not a single reason comes to mind.

The passing scenery makes me sick. It reminds me of when Kallias and I rode up the mountain together. When I fell into him. When he trusted me with his secrets. When he remained a gentleman while we went swimming.

He was anything but a gentleman last night.

My heart seems to break all over again when I remember our time together. When I think of his touches and kisses. When I think of the things he whispered into my hair.

Oh, but I did love him.

But he was cruel in forcing the confession from me. And when I told him how I loved him, he laughed in my face. That person is not the Kassian I know.

I have at least three more hours in the carriage to go, so I try to get comfortable, letting my legs rest against the opposite seat.

He can't do this to me. To us.

We were perfect together. We were made for each other. As rulers. As lovers. There is no reason why we shouldn't be together.

My hands close into fists. I have to make him see it. I have to convince him. But is it worth the risk of my own life? He swore he'd kill me himself if I returned.

How could I convince him I meant him no harm? How can I convince him I want the life he carved for us? My shoulders loosen and my hands fall open. A new wave of pain hits me as I see Kassian's ring on my finger, but then my eyes catch on something below it.

"Ugh." A spot of dirt smudges the lower part of my hand. I attempt to rub it on the seat of the carriage. Kassian's carriage.

It doesn't come off.

I take a knuckle to it, and when that also doesn't work, I wet a finger with my tongue and rub at it.

But it won't come off. Hesitantly, I lower my nose and sniff. That aroma from before, the one mixed with Kastien's roses, wafts gently toward me.

I know this smell. How do I know this smell?

My hands. They were in Kastien's hair while I kissed him.

Yes, hair! There is a product used in the dying of ladies' hair. It smells just like this.

But why would Kastien dye his hair?

As I sit there, I remember Lady Zervas's insistence that she is innocent, that she'll be freed when the real killer shows themselves.

Vasco is guilty. Of that I'm certain, but could he have roped his nephew into helping him?

No, Kastien would never. Why would he? He was Kastian's friend. He came to court after the death of Kastian's brother. Why should Kastien have any motive to harm the king?

But then I remember how he insisted I would be back in the palace soon and by his side. Still, why should he want to harm him?

I stare down at the spot on my hand.

He came to court after the death of Kassian's brother. When Kassian and I went to the gentleman's club in disguise, I'd noticed how Kassian looked so much like Kastien with the lighter hair.

What would Leandros have to gain from harming Kassian, unless …

Oh man holy fucking shit!

"Turn the carriage around!" I scream the words, and the carriage comes to a severe halt. I'm almost thrown onto the opposite seat.

"My lady?" the coachman asks.

"The king's life is in peril. We must turn around at once."

"I'm—I'm to take you away. King's orders." I toss my head out the window, so I can glare up at the simple man. "And what do you think will happen when the king dies, and I tell the council you could have prevented it?"

He still looks unsure.

"I have fifty necos in my purse," I say.

At that, he turns the horses around, and we veer back up the mountain, this time at breakneck speed.