Beginnings

Setting the last box in the back of my old Ford I look back at the little grey house I used to call my home, my now ex Chris standing there with his hands in his pockets, a small smile on his face. Closing the tailgate of the truck I send him a small wave before opening the drivers door of my truck. Letting out a long sigh I rest my head on the steering wheel. The tension of the last week finally collapsed, letting out a sob, warm tears fell down my face slowly, the radio playing a soft melody. Looking back up at the porch Chris had already walked back inside.

Taking a deep breath I put the truck in reverse, beginning my drive I tighten my hands around the steering wheel. The clouds in the sky now a dark grey color the closer to my mothers house I got, turning the corner I turn into the driveway. The garage door was open, pulling my truck right inside my mom walked out to greet me, a small smile on her face. "How you feeling kiddo?" She whispered as she pulled me into a tight embrace, letting out a shaky breath I just nodded unable to express any thoughts or else I'd cry. I hear another car pull in, turning around my brother Jason exited his new Jeep. A smile on his face as he walked up to me, placing one arm lazily behind me he pulled me into a side hug. "How you holding up squirt.?" He placed a small kiss on my head as I shrugged.

"Well I'm doing the best I can right now." Looking up into his hazel eyes he lets me go, "Now let's get this stuff unloaded I know everyone has a life." A fake smile adorned my face as I opened the back hitch, my brothers eyes caught my own, he didn't believe my facade. My mom opened the door for me, finally able to let my smile falter I walked into my old bedroom, the walls still pink as I set the box by my bed. Sitting down I looked out the window, the rain beginning to fall silently. Finally letting go I let out a sob, covering my mouth with my hand I set my elbows on my knees as I wept. The last week of my life finally surfaced, my chest tightened as I replayed Chris' words in my head. "I just don't love you anymore J.. I-I've found someone else." The realization that I'll never feel his kiss, his touch or to hear him laugh came to life.

I heard my door creek as I looked up my brother was standing there. Quickly placing the box down he crouched down in front of me, wiping the tears from my cheeks he smiled reassuringly at me. "I know it hurts now Sis... I really do.. One day you're going to find a man who will love you for eternity, he will worship the ground you walk on. Don't let a boy break your heart." His words were soft, the rain was the only other sound I heard. Letting out a shaky breath I hugged him, he rubbed my back softly as I let out more sobs.

A few minutes had passed yet he stayed like that for my sake. Pulling away I sent him a half hearted smile, standing to his feet he extended his hand to me. "Cmon let's finish getting these boxes in then mom can call down to Jeff's Pizzeria and order a large sausage. Your favorite." Taking his hand I smiled softly. It's going to be hard, I know it will be, I just have to keep moving forward.

The last of the boxes were placed in my bedroom, my brother ruffled my hair chuckling. I smacked his arm, fixing my hair I glared at him. "You know it takes away to tame this mane sir." Jason placed his hands in his pockets as he leaned on the door way, nodding his head he shrugged his shoulders. "I'm sure it does Judith, Cmon and help me set the table mom said pizza should be arriving soon." Turning his back I jumped and shouted with glee, it wasn't everyday that you'd get your favorite pizza. Turning the corner into the hall way I could hear my brother laugh from the living room.

"Seriously Judy you still act eight! You just turned 24!" Entering the living room I crossed my arms, cocking an eyebrow I looked at him. "Yeah well at least I'm not closer to that dirty thirty." His mouth gapes open as I finish my sentence. "You're dead for that.." he whispers, running into the kitchen I hid behind our mom. She laughed looking at Jason. "You guys never change do you?" Jason glared at me and then looked at mom, before he could say anything the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it!" I shout as I sprint to the door, receiving the pizza I place it on the table. Sitting down I look at my mom and brother laughing, my heart felt a little lighter looking at them chat. Although my week has been shit, they always seem to know how to make me feel better about the worst situations. Pacing me a piece of pizza Jason looks at me with a serious expression. Moving my eyes back and forth as I take a bite of my pizza I muffle a "What." Before he breaks out into laughter. "Judith I have some news about Hailey and I." Gulping I look up at him motioning him to continue. "Well." He clears his throat setting his beer down. "I asked her to marry me yesterday, and she said yes." Sending him a soft smile I nod, my chest clenched at the thought, although I'm over the moon for my brother I couldn't help but let my mind wonder back to Chris. Just a few weeks ago we were talking about marriage, even about children one day soon.

"Judy..? You okay?" Jason taps my arm lightly as I meet his hazel eyes I couldn't express any words. I just nod and send him a fake smile before beginning to eat my pizza again. Holding back the tears in my eyes I sighed. I couldn't make Jason feel that way, this is his happy ending and I should be happy for him too.

My mom gave me a sympathetic smile before speaking. "Judith it's okay to not be okay, do you know that?" Her statement was barely audible, I looked up at her, my mouth gaped open slightly. Waiting for my answer she picked up her beer and took a swig, I shrugged my shoulders, a bitter smile on my face. "I just don't want to burden you guys by being weepy all the time." Slightly chuckling I take a drink of my own beer, my mom sighed softly before looking back into my mother's eyes. "Judith, you're allowed to mourn the loss of your five year relationship, you spent countless holidays and birthdays together. You thought he was your forever." Hearing her words made the tears brimming my eyes fall down my cheeks.

"You make it sound like he's dead mom.." I whisper in between sobs, "In a sense he has kiddo." My eyes widened at her statement. "When I lost your Father I was lost for a very long time." Mom looked over at Jason before looking back at me. "Mom how could you even compare Chris breaking up with me, with Dads death?" I was slightly irritated at her words, this was nothing like that, it was a minor heartbreak, where as Dad dying would be a forever heartbreak. Jason placed his hand on my forearm softly, looking over at him he sent me a smile. "What Mom is trying to say Judith is that.. Sometimes when people break up you grieve for the loss of that person. You grieve for who they used to be with you, who they used to be in your relationship. Because nine times out of ten they've changed, and that's why you grew apart." My brothers words stung my heart, hot tears streaming down my face faster.

I nodded before looking away, my breathing slightly uneven as I continued to cry. "When will it stop hurting..?" I whispered looking over at my Mom she smiled softly at me. Grabbing my hand from across the table she squeezes it gently. "Not for a while my love. Maybe it's best if you take a break from dating for a little while." I laughed at the end of her statement. "Mom I wouldn't dream of even seeing someone else right now. Not with the way I've been, I need to focus on me, my art." I looked over at Jason, he smiled and gave me a thumbs up. "I can't wait to see what kind of art you begin making again Judy. You know I've always been your biggest fan." Jason took the last bite of his pizza as he spoke, my tears had stop and had been replaced by a smile adorn on my face. He truly has been my biggest fan since I've started painting back when I was 8, I remember when he set up a shop on the sidewalk to try and sell the paintings I had painted that week. All because I lost hope that no one liked them.

"What are you thinking about over there." Jason playfully punched my arm, I sent him a small smile. "I was just thinking about the time you set up a little shop for my paintings when I first started, you were so determined to sell every single one." I laughed a little resting my head on my hand. "Of course, I knew you had potential then. Sure you were eight but I was just turning twelve and knew my roll as a big brother was starting to become more and more important as you grew up. I couldn't let you give up on your dreams." Jason stood up and threw his paper plate away. His confidence about my work has always helped me continue even when I thought what I had placed on this canvas wasn't worth it.

"Well I better get going, Hailey expected me home about an hour ago but the time got away from me." Running a hand through his dark brown hair he looked at my mom and then at me. Pulling me into a hug he ruffled my hair slightly "Listen I'm just a phone call away, I don't care how late it is I'll answer it. Alright?" I nodded into his chest before pushing him away. "Better get going the misses is waiting." With a final goodbye my brother walked out the garage door, turning back to my mom her head was rested on her hands, a small smile adorn on her face. "What's that look for?" I laughed before throwing my own paper plate away. "I just have some awesome ass kids is all." Standing to her feet she put her can in the recycling bin. I leaned on the counter crossing my arms slightly. "Well that's because we had amazing ass parents raising us." She smiled at me before putting the pizza in the fridge, giving me a kiss on my forehead she walked to her room saying her good nights.

Finally alone I sigh, slumping my shoulders slightly, I turn off the dining room light and walk to my own room. My easel which was sitting in the corner was untouched with a brand new canvas on it, grabbing my paints from the top box I grabbed my stool, setting it in front of it I lightly touched it. Grabbing my charcoal I begin sketching slowly, at first I didn't know what I wanted to do but the longer I drew the more it became real. Taking a closer look at it, it was a woman on her knees, her head in her hands and a pool of tears around her. It was me, it was how I felt this very moment. Placing a few colors on my palette I grab the brush I hadn't touched in a week and breathed out slowly.

My paint brush touched the canvas and greeted it like an old friend. My heart felt a little lighter painting, mixing some blues with a little bit of black I look out side, the sun had already started to rise. Looking at the alarm clock it read four AM. "Shit." I breathed out placing my paints on the side table. Walking to the bathroom I washed my hands off, and looked in the mirror. My eyes were bloodshot, the dark circles now forming. Sighing I dried my hands off, walking to my room I got under the covers. Looking over at the nearly finished painting I smile to myself, closing my eyes it wasn't long before sleep greeted me.

As I opened my eyes the smell of pancakes filled my nose. Looking over at the clock it read ten AM, stretching up I looked out the window. The sun already shining high in the sky, children outside playing. My bedroom door opened, my mom had an apron on, a spatula in her right hand. "Finally, good morning sleepy head. Take it you had a long night?" Her question was loud but she looked over at my painting, then back at me. I smiled before throwing the covers off of me. "Well I got inspired, it's how I'm feeling right now." Standing to my feet I walk passed her into the bathroom to wash my face. "When you're done in here kiddo pancakes and bacon are on the stove. I have to go to work, if you feel up to it maybe you could go to the store for me, list is on the counter." Drying my face I take one last look at her before waving, hearing the door shut I walk out the kitchen, a stack of pancakes and bacon greeted me.

"Damn mom since when do I eat this much?" I whisper to myself, grabbing a pancake and a few pieces of bacon I scarf it down. Stretching up I sigh looking around the empty house. Washing my plate I look over at the grocery list on the counter. "Might as well do something productive today." Walking back to the bathroom I quickly French braid my hair, putting some leggings and a t shirt on I slip on my Converse before grabbing the list, my keys and walking out the door.

With the push of a button the garage door opened, starting the truck I backed up. The neighbor waved at me as she watered her flowers for the day, she used to babysit me when I was younger. Sending her a small wave back before rounding the corner, the radio was quiet as I drove down Main Street. Pulling into Friendly's parking lot I stopped the car, looking around there was a few people who I already knew. Trying to sit in my car just a little longer to avoid the dreaded question of "Hey how's Chris doing?" I sigh as I got out, an elder greeted me as I walked inside the store. Grabbing a cart I began to walk down the isle's.

Crossing off things slowly I begin to reach for something on the top shelf. "Shit." I whisper before stepping on the bottom shelf trying to reach it but still nothing. "God I hate being 5'3.." turning around to a laugh behind me, there stood a man, his electric blue eyes met my hazel ones. His light brown hair was styled and his five-o-clock shadow looked good on him. His hands were in his coat pockets. "Y'know you could hurt yourself like that?" Walking over he grabbed the shampoo I was trying to reach, handing it over to me I shook my head and grabbed it.

"Are you always this nice to strangers..?" Waiting for a name he smiled, laughing again slightly he shrugged his shoulders. "Only to the pretty ones." His comment earned a laugh from me, "You have dimples, cute." He looked at my cheeks then back at me, I touched my cheek and nodded. "Yeah kids used to really make fun of me when I was younger for them." His eyes widened. "What? What assholes." He smelled of after shave and cigarette smoke, he began walking with me. "You new to town? I've been living here my whole life and never met you before?" He nodded as we got to the cereal isle. "Sort of, wanted a change of view from the city so I came to a small town near the beach. Win, win in my books." He grabbed some Cheerios as I grabbed Frosted Flakes placing them in my cart I turned around to face him again, he had to be around 6'0". "I just moved back home too, bad break up. I'm Judith by the way." Beginning to push the cart again he looked to the ground and gave me a side glance.

"Well it's his loss Judith. It's nice to meet you, my names Sebastian." Sending me a soft smile he looked up at the isle number, and sighed. "Well as lovely as it was helping the damsel in distress and getting to know her, I have to bid you farewell here." Laughing at his own statement he sent me a smile before walking toward a different isle. "It was nice meeting you too Sebastian." He turned around still walking, he spread his arms out wide. "The pleasure was mine Judith!" He said loudly as he ran into a display knocking everything off. A loud laugh escaped my lips as he frantically began picking things up.

"Be more careful!" Turning into the pasta isle he sent me a playful look. My smile didn't falter, what a nice man, funny too. Definitely a looker. Grabbing the macaroni, I stood there for a second before looking behind me, a small laugh left my lips as I heard him explaining to an employee about what had happened. Finishing my shopping with a lighter heart I get to the check out.

Stella, the woman who has been working as a cash registers since I was about ten years old smiles at me. "Hey there Judy, how have you been?" She begins scanning the groceries slowly as I place them on the scanner, I shrug my shoulders at her comment. "The passed week has been pretty hard on me, but I'm getting through it slowly." Placing the banana's on the conveyer belt she sends me a sad smile, sighing I crossed my arms and raised an eyebrow at her. "Mom talked to you didn't she?" She nodded as she weighed the banana's. "She only wanted to let me know so I didn't ask about it— I know it's hard sweetie, you'll be better in no time. Especially because he was cheating." Her statement stabbed my heart again, placing more groceries for her scan. I turn to grab my purse to see Sebastian standing there with a handful of things.

"Well that's not a happy face, want me to tell you a joke?" Placing a check out divider in between our groceries I shake my head no before turning back around to place my card into the chip reader. Sebastian inched closer to me before whispering. "Just remember it's his loss." Before placing the rest of his groceries on the conveyer belt. I smiled softly as I placed my groceries in the cart, turning around and sending him a smile, "Thank you for that." I say before turning around to go out the door.

Placing the groceries in my truck I start the engine, a sigh escaping my lips. I've sighed more in the last 24 hours than I have my entire life. Sebastian was leaving the store as I was pulling out, waving at me before crossing to his car I smiled. What an eccentric guy. Driving down Main Street once more a smile didn't leave my lips. Turning down my road and pulling into the driveway I turned the truck off, grabbing all the bags at once I walked inside, my mom home already.

"That was a short shift at the hospital?" I placed the bags on the kitchen floor as my mom began unpacking them to put them away. "Yeah, they were over staffed and sent me home today." Placing the milk in the fridge she looked at me a quizzical look on her face. I placed the bread in the cupboard and I looked back at her. "You okay?" I asked as she walked closer to me. "You look a bit happier today, something happen?" I laughed a bit before shrugging. "Yeah this guy—" as I began my statement my mom gasped "Judy really you said you'd take a break." I groaned at my moms statement. "Will you give me a chance to even speak?" Mom sighed before nodding to continue. "Anyway, he helped me get the shampoo off the top shelf and just was a funny guy. New to town, that's all." Placing the chips in the pantry my mom said a 'Uh-huh' before starting to put more groceries away.

"Oh come on mom seriously, I'm not even over Chris." Not another word was between us as we finished putting the rest of the groceries away. Walking to my room I grab my palette to wash it off to put new paint on it before starting to paint again. Sighing I sit down in front of the painting, the dried paint making it look even better, dabbing my brush into a light pink I begin softly brushing the canvas, the thoughts of today running through my head. Wondering Sebastians story and why he chose your small town over everywhere else.

Why'd he run away from his city life? What'd he do for a living? My painting came to life before me as I set my palette down it was finished, the sun slightly setting as my door opened. "I'm going to go out with the girls, you want anything while I'm out?" Shaking my head no I turned on my stool. "I was thinking of just going to the beach to enjoy the rest of the sunset actually." My mom sent me a smile as she pointed at my painting. "Your latest work is beautiful Judy." With that she left, hearing the front door close I changed into some shorts and a new t shirt before grabbing my keys once more.

Turning off the main road onto a dirt one the ocean could be heard. No one knew about this place but Jason, me and our Dad. Putting the truck in park I opened the door, the secret spot on the beach had the perfect view of the sunrise and sunset everyday. Grabbing the towel from my passenger seat along with the Burger King I grabbed before heading this direction I walked out close to the water, putting my towel down before sitting I smiled. It had been a few years since I had been here, life got hectic and I couldn't come here weekly anymore. Grabbing the burger out of the bag next to me I unwrap it, the water almost touching my toes every time it met the shore.

Taking a few more bites out of my burger I focus on the waves slowly crashing. It's crazy how soothing this place makes you. Hearing footsteps behind me I quickly turn around, Sebastian had a perfect smile on his face. Hands in his Jean pockets as he walked down to me. "Well, well who do we have here." He sat next to me, the smile never faltered on his face. "How'd you even know about this place?" My question was almost swallowed by the crashing waves. "I didn't I was just walking to clear my head and came across you here." Taking a fry he looks out to the ocean as well. "I come here to get away." I whispered, barely audible but Sebastian looked over at me. "I can only imagine Doll." He says before looking over at me.