Episode 18 - Scarred Past

A large hand gently grabbed Amari by the shoulder and shook him. "You need to wake up."

He groaned, feeling a sharp pain in his ribs, then a throbbing pain in his head and sides as he shifted. Slowly opening his eyes, he growled and threw an arm over his face, blocking the bright light. A few seconds later it was darker, and he moved his arm to blink.

Everything was shadows of grey. He moved his hand along his side and felt the stiff sheets, then the railing along the edge of the bed. There was a chorus of beeping around him, and it smelled like cleaner and alcohol and metal. He sighed. It had been a while since he had been in the hospital, but it was an easily recognizable place, and from the variety of sounds around him, he guessed more specifically that he had been brought to the emergency room.

The hand stayed on his shoulder and he rolled his head sideways, a figure seated close to him. He pulled back in surprise, only just realizing someone had woken him up.

A sigh of relief came from the figure. "You're awake." Deep and kind, and now filled with worry. Yangyang removed his hand from Amari's shoulder and leaned forward. "How do you feel?"

With another groan, Amari looked away, feeling more embarrassed than anything else. "I feel like I've got a broken rib, a concussion, and more contusions than I can count. Everywhere. Oh, and a busted lip." He chuckled softly and then grunted in pain. "Does that cover it?"

"Pretty much," answered Yangyang in a low voice, clearly not in a joking mood. "Shit, what happened to you? No, never mind. You don't have to tell me. I'm just glad I found you."

"How'd you find me?" Amari could guess the answer and was afraid to hear it, but for some reason asked anyway.

"You didn't show up at the studio, so I waited. Then I called and you didn't answer, so I called Ziggy, and he said you'd left to meet me." He could hear Yangyang choke on his words, taking an uneasy breath. The sound made Amari's chest hurt more than the broken rib. "So, hyung and I went up and down the street looking for you, and we finally found you in that alley."

"Oh." He didn't know how else to respond. "I was kinda hoping you'd assume something came up and go home."

He said it without thinking and heard Yangyang kick the bedside table in anger. "What the fuck. So what did you want to happen instead? To just lie there in that alley? Until when?"

"That's not what I meant." Sighing, Amari put his arm back over his face. "This isn't new to me. I can handle a broken rib and some bruises." He put his arm back down by his side and turned toward Yangyang. "I didn't want you to be worried like this."

A large hand covered his and Amari flinched from the contact, but didn't pull away.

"I was really fucking scared." Yangyang laid his head down on the bed. "But it would have been worse if I didn't know where you were. I'm glad I found you."

"Yeah." Amari looked back up at the ceiling. "Sorry."

"Punk kid."

He knew the man was covering his anxiety with teasing, so Amari chuckled and then groaned in pain. "Uh, fuck." He chuckled again, the whole situation feeling ridiculous. "I'm conscious, so I'm going back to sleep."

Yangyang didn't respond, so he turned his head away and closed his eyes, easily drifting off.

When he woke again, he was still in the hospital bed and Yangyang still held his hand, his head laying over them both. Amari groaned, trying to pry his now tingling arm away without waking the man, but Yangyang shifted.

"What time is it?" he asked groggily.

"No idea." Finally free, Amari shook his arm to get back some feeling. "I just woke up. I also can't see the clock, so..." He couldn't help smiling.

Yangyang sighed and got up, stretching and then rummaging through a bag next to him. "It's one o'clock."

"In the morning? You should go. Don't you have work tomorrow?"

"It's alright." The man sounded like he might get angry again. "I told Ziggy I would take you home. I'm definitely not leaving so you can go collapse in some alley somewhere."

With another smile, Amari lifted his body slowly up into a seated position. "Uh... I didn't miss this." He scratched the side of his head and cleared his throat awkwardly. "So, you're really not gonna ask?"

Yangyang sat back down in the chair. "Did you want me to?"

"Yeah, kinda," he said timidly.

"What happened?" The man's voice was back to normal - calm, deep, kind.

"Uh, so, I said I used to do odd jobs around there." Scratching his head again, he felt strange to actually be talking about it. "The jobs were... dirty. Not legal. Unpleasant. Back then, Park Seungwoo was the one who arranged all those jobs. At first, I stayed with him or his friends, but that was a bad situation, so I started staying at a shelter a few blocks away."

He paused, trying to decide how much to tell. "Anyway, short version... I started busking and stopped doing as much for Seungwoo. He didn't like that, so he stole my guitar and told me I could get it back by making up the work I'd missed."

He sighed and leaned back against the pillows, looking up at the ceiling.

"That pissed me off, so I snuck into his apartment, stole back my guitar, and stole a very large amount of his stashed money. And ran away." He pointed to his lip, then his ribs. "This's me paying my debt, with interest. I didn't fight back, and now our relationship's over."

Yangyang didn't say anything and they sat in silence for many moments. Like so many times before, Amari wished he could see the expression on the man's face.

As if he could hear his thoughts, the man leaned forward and said, "Sorry. I'm staring at you with my head tilted and my brow furrowed in curiosity and confusion."

Amari giggled at the confession and then took a deep breath at the pain in his ribs. "Uh, what the fuck. Don't do that. It's weird."

"You looked anxious, and it seemed unfair that I can see your expression, but you can't see mine." Chuckling, Yangyang shifted back in his seat. "You're really easy to read."

"Ziggy always tells me I'm like a block of ice. Cold and expressionless, tsé?"

"Maybe Ziggy's an idiot..."

There was a short pause, and it seemed like he had more to say, but a nurse stopped any further conversation.

"Here are the discharge papers and at home instructions," she said, kind but impatient. "I believe you already spoke with the doctor earlier? When you're ready, you can get dressed and go. Just stop at the checkout counter before leaving if you're paying the bill now."

Yangyang thanked her and reached over to grab something off the bedside table, handing over a t-shirt and zip-up hoodie. "Your clothes were covered in blood. I had jiě bring me some clean stuff and take yours back to wash."

"Yin jiě was here too?" Amari groaned in embarrassment.

With a chuckle, the man helped him sit up straighter. Only now did the boy realize he was wearing nothing but a hospital gown on top, feeling a draft as his back was exposed.

Seeing him hesitate, Yangyang took a step back. "Ah, do you want me to leave?"

Amari shook his head, and pulled the hospital gown off. "I need you to help me get this t-shirt on." He didn't want Yangyang to see his bare chest and back, but he guessed it was too late for that now. "On top of the broken rib, everything's stiff and bruised, after lying here all night."

Yangyang helped him raise his arms and pulled the t-shirt gently over his head, then helped him put an arm through each sleeve of the hoodie. He knew the man wouldn't ask, but there was no way he could have missed the scars covering his entire upper body - cut marks, burn marks, and discoloration from old bruises that would never fade.

He spun his legs around and Yangyang helped him stand. Carefully, he stretched out his arms and legs, then his torso, trying to relax his muscles so he could move more easily. He checked his pockets for his wallet and phone, but they were gone.

"Ah. Your phone was smashed and wouldn't turn on. I needed your wallet for identification." Both were placed in Amari's hand and he shoved them into the pocket of the hoodie. "We'll have to go buy a new phone later, but hopefully they can salvage your data."

With a shrug, Amari put his hands in the pockets of his jeans. "There wasn't really anything important on there anyway." He flashed Yangyang a small smile. "Let's go."