Episode 32 - The Invitation

"Again?" The disappointment in that deep voice was heavy through the phone. "I haven't seen you in over a week. We didn't even spend time together on Monday."

Amari frowned, missing Yangyang as much as he was missed. "I know, but I've gotta make some money. I haven't worked in months, and I'm completely broke."

"What do you need money for, anyway?" It had become clear that the clingy, affectionate Yangyang became a grumpy, annoyed, and whiney Yangyang when they couldn't be together. "Ziggy takes care of most of your expenses, and you have me for the rest."

"Stop," he said, quickly growing irritated with the direction of this conversation. "You worked those part time jobs before we ever met, so you weren't doing it for me. And you know I don't like to just rely on someone else."

There was a loud groan in his ear. "Yeah, I know." Then, with a sigh, Yangyang let go of his mood. "I just miss you."

"You have time off for Thanksgiving?" He was close to the subway station and stopped at the corner without crossing. "Are you and the band coming for Ziggy's Starving Artist Thanksgiving next week?"

The man perked up slightly, remembering the event. "Of course. Who could pass up a free feast from Cate and Zig?"

"Then how about this." At the beep of the signal, he rushed across the road. "The meal's the day before Thanksgiving. Stay the night with me, and you can go celebrate with your family in the morning."

He felt his cheeks warm just suggesting it and was glad Yangyang couldn't see him. There was silence on the other end for a moment and he swallowed his nerves.

"Yeah?" asked Yangyang softly, his usually calm voice laced with eagerness and disbelief. "Did you really just say I could stay? And, not a sleep-on-the-couch kind of stay..."

Amari cleared his throat, feeling like he may have made a mistake. Everything was moving so fast, and now he was the one fanning the flames.

"Don't get your hopes up too high. I don't want you to have grand expectations... But, yeah. Stay with me."

As soon as the words left his mouth, he had second thoughts, but he didn't want to take the offer back. He was already on fire. He would worry about getting burned later.

If he didn't know better, he would have thought he heard Yangyang squeal. "Deal. And you're not going to change your mind..." The deep voice was full of excitement and he giggled at the man-child.

"I won't change my mind, but that means you've gotta stop whining until then."

Yangyang groaned yet again. "But that's still another week away..." There was another pause, then a resigned sigh. "Alright, alright, no complaining. I'll still tell you I miss you though."

"I miss you too," he said sweetly, wondering how he had turned into this kind of person in such a short time. Maybe he was always this person. "I'm at the subway now, so I've gotta go. Call me when you get off work later."

"Yeah... Go make your money."

"Tch. Okay, little Yang ge."

Amari hung up and headed into the station, turning directions on just in case. After Yangyang spent a day paying for everything, he couldn't help feeling a bit useless - a feeling he really despised. He knew the man didn't care, and nothing had been particularly expensive, but he had fallen into a rut and needed to get back onto his feet.

It was also an excuse to create a little distance. After that night at the karaoke, he felt embarrassed and guilty. There were things Yangyang would find out eventually, but he didn't know how he could tell him.

He hopped from line to line until he reached one of his favorite busking spots. The station was small and easy to access, with an uncomplicated layout that he had quickly memorized. Still, it was busy enough to have a steady crowd, and the space he played in was set back from the flow of traffic, ensuring he wouldn't feel overwhelmed by the shadowy figures passing by. The best part was that he could perform at street level, close to the entrance, which meant a little fresh air and a speedy escape when he was feeling anxious.

He hadn't been since the summer, but his spot was still open, and he shuffled into the corner and set his amp down. After plugging it in, he pulled out his old Gibson, sitting on the concrete floor to tune it. He had been rusty at first, tense and out of practice, but after a couple of days, he began to enjoy himself.

Singing with Yangyang had made him more open to the music and singing alone in front of strangers became freeing, instead of the nerve-wracking experience it was in the past. His voice was at the mercy of his emotions, and with more feelings inside needing release, his singing could only improve.

All of this meant he attracted more people and made more money. After only two months, he already had so many things to thank Yangyang for, he didn't know how he could possibly repay him.

The connection and the volume good, he stood and faced out into the small crowd that had formed. He stared past them, avoiding their eyes, and played a couple of chords to be sure the guitar was properly tuned.

Only after he had begun to sing did he think about what he was singing – Passenger's Runaway. After a week of busking, Amari realized that while he could sing with more emotion, those emotions all originated from the same source. Whether his song selections were chosen consciously or sub-consciously, they were limited to a single, very clear theme.

He was entirely infatuated, and no matter how terrifying that was, it was the only thing on his mind. It consumed him, and he couldn't stop himself from singing about it. And whatever happened, whatever fears he had for the future, he didn't want to run from this feeling.

A few people hung around even after the song finished, and a few more had thrown money into his guitar case. As he played, more bystanders gathered, swapping in and out, waiting for their train or killing time for unknown reasons.

He could see them as a crowd, he could tell when they bent down, and he could hear the sounds of money coming out of wallets and pockets. Sometimes he wondered if he could also hear the sound of money being taken from his case, but there was nothing he could do about that.

Since he still worked for Ziggy, he left the apartment mid-morning and would busk for about five hours until returning home, giving him some time to nap before he had to head to The Basement. Then he would sleep into the morning and wake to do it over again.

Today was no different than any other over the years, except that instead of a dark emptiness, his thoughts and his free moments were taken over by Yangyang.

::I really am a fucking mess. How'd this happen to me?::

Checking the time, he started packing up. It was another day over, then another train ride home, then another night in the club.

------------------------------

"Done for the night?" asked the low, deep voice.

Amari could tell Yangyang was barely hanging on, his voice a murmur over the speaker.

"Yeah. You sound tired. Go to sleep."

"I'll go to sleep when you do." The words were followed by a long yawn and he smiled.

"You'll be asleep in the next few minutes." Pulling off his clothes, he threw them in the corner and crawled into bed. He was too tired to shower away the sweat and stink of the club. "You always fall asleep on me."

"I won't fall asleep," mumbled Yangyang, barely coherent.

"Yeah, okay. I'll leave the phone on until I hear you snore, but then I'm hanging up."

There was no response, and Amari waited for the same sound he heard every night. It only took a few seconds for the heavy breathing to start, slow and steady, and then the soft snoring came through.

"Goodnight."