Episode 34 - Letting Go

"Too late."

The deep voice was low - not angry, but intimidating - and Ziggy flinched. "That would be my cue to leave," he whispered in Amari's ear, and quickly moved to the bar area to finish preparations.

In an instant, another body hung over him, this one much heavier, smelling of sandalwood and shampoo and aftershave. The man's arms were firmly around his shoulders, hands clasped over his collarbone and lips pressed softly against his neck.

"Ah, I missed this."

Amari reached up and grabbed onto the large arms, smiling at the familiar feeling. "You're early," he said, pretending the sudden appearance annoyed him. "Weren't you gonna come with your bandmates?"

"Lili!" Yinyi's voice cut through the air, and another body slammed into him, another pair of arms encircling him.

He sighed, suffocated by the siblings, but it was a surprisingly nice sensation, his body engulfed in a comforting warmth. "Never mind."

"Oh, can I join?" Ziggy called out playfully from the bar.

"You better stay away old man," growled Yangyang, which only made the man laugh.

"So possessive. Just remember that he was mine first, hein?"

Yinyi removed her arms and gave Amari a quick kiss on the cheek. "I'm going to see if I can help with anything and get us some good seats."

As soon as she left, Yangyang tightened his grip and gave the boy a long kiss on the neck. Feeling the flick of a tongue, Amari slapped his hand. "What're you doing? What happened to not in public?"

Yangyang chuckled. "That's why I came early," he said softly, not letting him wriggle out of his grasp. "I have nothing to hide from these people."

"That doesn't mean you should act like a horny dog in front of them." Amari blushed, but Yangyang only chuckled again and pulled at the boy's chin, turning his head.

"You could just say 'I missed you,' and kiss me," he said, feigning hurt.

Amari shifted and put his arms around the man's waist, standing on his toes. "I missed you."

Yangyang gave him a soft kiss, then pulled him into a strong embrace. "See? That wasn't so hard." He punched the man in the back and pushed away a little. "Alright, alright. Let's see if they need any help."

The arms released and warm fingers interlocked with his instead, leading Amari over to the bar to chat with Ziggy. He knew it would only last a few moments, that soon others would show up to ruin it, but for right now he was happy and he held firmly onto Yangyang, wishing he didn't have to let go.

As people began to stream in, it became busy and loud, everyone chatting and catching up on old times. This meal had always been for longtime friends of Ziggy, regular musicians, and new, promising artists. Many of them hadn't seen each other in months, or all year, and that made it lively and cheerful.

Amari had never enjoyed the drunken crowd. He usually spent the night trying to hide himself away to escape interaction, but this year, he had multiple friends who could stay by his side and protect him from the blur of noise.

Finally seated, he was sandwiched between Ziggy and Cate, Yangyang and Yinyi across from him, with Ren and his house band only a few seats down. He could drown out the unnecessary ramblings and focus on his close surroundings, and he found there were a few times when he actually enjoyed himself. It was still too much, and the energy spent paying attention to voices and conversations tired him, but he didn't feel anxious like previous years.

"Ah, that was fabulous Zig!" Yinyi's voice was loud as she stretched back in her chair. "I almost feel bad for mā tomorrow, having to compete with this meal."

The man chuckled and thanked her, and she threw her arms forward, suddenly excited." Ah! Xiǎo Li should sing for us!" She clapped a few times at the idea.

"Jiě, you're drunk." Yangyang pulled her back into her chair. "Don't harass the kid."

"You're drunk too," she spit back, pushing him away. "Come on Lili, Xiǎo Li, Ā Liiiii... I-want-to-hear-you-sing." She waved her hands around at the others. "Who wants to hear Lili sing?"

A round of drunken cheers erupted from the table and Yangyang grabbed his sister again. "Jiě, stop." His voice was deep and stern, trying to control her. "You don't have to sing," he said to Amari, kind even when drunk, but the boy just gave him a slight smile.

"I'll sing. I don't mind." There were a couple of gasps from the guests. "But I need a band."

He felt a hand on his shoulder. "We'll play with you," said Ren from behind. "Unlike these children, we have some self-control.

Amari nodded and gave Yangyang a quick wink as he stood, hearing the man choke and cough in response. He followed Ren to the stage and after telling him his song choice, they rushed about to set up. Adjusting the mic, he habitually tapped to test, then bent down to place the stool on the floor, out of his way.

After a short time and a wave of cheers from the long table, Ren stepped to his side. "Ready kid?"

He nodded and the guitar came in, then the drummer, giving them the beat as Ren shouted, "One, two, three, go!"

This pick was intentional, and he sang exactly as he would in the karaoke studio, his body feeling the beat of the drums. There were no nerves and he didn't think about his audience. It was just him and the band, Parachute's Without You, and the thoughts in his head. He loved it.

At the bridge, his hands were in the air, clapping over him, the hint of a smile forming as he moved to the music. Then, as the sounds behind him faded, he looked blindly out across the floor.

::Oh, fuck it,:: he thought to himself. ::I've officially lost my damn mind. May as well run with it.::

He closed his eyes, smiling wide, and let go completely, knowing there was no coming back from this. And surprisingly, he was okay with that, even though it meant the person he always hid inside would be out for at least this little world to see.

The song ended and he stood still a moment, catching his breath. He heard cheers and applause, and then a loud squealing noise racing toward him.

"Lili!" Yinyi exclaimed as she leapt onto the stage and wrapped herself around him, almost lifting him up.

He could smell the alcohol on her breath and her cheeks were warm as she rubbed her face to his.

"You're the best, my little Lili." She leaned close to his ear. "I made poor Xiǎo Yang excuse himself, or he would have given everything away. You're so mean to him!"

Amari flushed, feeling guilty for teasing Yangyang with his song, but Yinyi giggled and gave him a hard pat on the back.

"You don't show it, but I think maybe you like my brother as much he likes you." She hugged him again and kissed him on the cheek. "And I love you both!"

After a quick thank you to Ren and the band, Yinyi pulled Amari from the stage and brought him around to show him off. He kept his eyes down and said little, but everyone was too drunk to pay much attention. They also seemed too far gone to notice Yangyang's disappearance, and most had already begun to stumble out into the street, heading home or out for round two.

Finally, only a handful of stragglers remained, and Yinyi, who hadn't left Amari's side, gave him another hug.

"Ah, I'm drunk. I need to go home and sleep this off. Wouldn't be good to be hungover for actual Thanksgiving." She grabbed her things from her chair, then hesitated. "I know I always say it, but you really should come play with us."

Amari just nodded and gave her a little wave. Seeing he was anxious to leave, Ziggy cheerfully gave him permission to head out. He hesitated, but was pushed toward the door.

"Go on now. You should never leave guests waiting, hein?"