Episode 47 - The Reaction

"Ah, Taitai." Yangyang interrupted the conversation, probably having the same thought as Amari, and set the child down on the floor.

"I'm going to help nǎinai set the table for lunch. How about you take Li gēge over to the couch, and you can tell him all about school?" Amari felt a light squeeze of the hand. "Make sure you lead him well, okay?"

"'Kay ba!"

Quickly grabbing Amari's fingers, Taitai brought him into the living room, pointing out each piece of furniture and telling him twice to be careful, his tone overly serious. Amari could only huff out a laugh as he made his way to the couch.

"So, there's a boy in your class..." Reminding Taitai where he left off, the child immediately jumped back into his story, his words coming out fast and excited.

It started with a boy who had been mean to him because he was Chinese, but now they were friends, then somehow moved to the class pet guinea pig, then what he ate for lunch every day, and how that boy used to pick on him for it, but now they shared. Then it jumped to a project where they had to draw a picture of someone and tell a story, so he drew his dad and told them about all of the instruments he played. That shifted the tale to his grandmother teaching him how to play the piano and how his hands were too small, so it was hard.

"I'm terrible at piano. Your ba's really good though, isn't he? I bet you'll be good too, if you practice hard." He heard a low chuckle from behind and smirked, leaning over to Taitai. "Your ba's standing behind me, isn't he?" he asked in a whisper.

The child giggled.

"You should tell him it's rude to stare at people."

"Ba!" shouted Taitai in a stern voice. "Li gēge says it's rude to stare."

Amari snorted out a laugh. "Good job," he said with exaggerated pride, and turned to look at the figure standing only a few feet behind him.

"Ba's very sorry. It won't happen again." He walked over and stood next to Amari. "Taitai, why don't you go see if your nǎinai needs any help in the kitchen. You can steal a bāozi."

"'Kay!" The child jumped off the couch, racing away, and Yangyang pulled Amari to his feet.

"I thought you could use a break, and I'm sure you're hungry. We'll eat lunch soon."

Amari smiled and shook his head. "I'm okay. He's a sweet kid."

Leaning closer, Yangyang said, "You're a sweet kid," in a low but affectionate voice, then wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "Ma, I'll show Xiao Li where everything is, and then we'll come eat lunch."

Amari was pulled down the hallway, Yangyang giving him a detailed bathroom tour, then pointing out which doors led to which rooms.

"The door at the very end of the hall is Taitai's room," he said, opening the door to the left of it. "And this is mine."

He led Amari in and walked him around. It was minimal. A dresser along the wall near the door, next to a large walk in closet, a couple of guitars sitting under a window just across from the door, and a large bed up against the wall to the right, with an end table on either side.

"Unlike your room, it's usually pretty tidy, so you shouldn't have to worry about tripping over anything."

"How thoughtful," Amari mumbled, walking over and sitting on the bed. He tilted his head hearing the door to the room shut. "What're you doing?"

"I just wanted to talk for a minute."

Yangyang sat next to him and Amari flopped down onto his back. After a few seconds of silence, he started giggling until it became difficult to stop. Months of stress and anxiety completely washed away, and he felt so light, he could only laugh. Though he had tried many times to guess what the secret might be, it never crossed his mind that Yangyang would have a five-year-old son.

"What are you laughing about?"

"Uh, hah, it's just..." Amari wiped a tear from his face and took a breath. "Your big secret's a kid? Shit. I acted okay, but I was so fucking nervous!"

Yangyang laid down next to him. "You... don't think that's a big deal?"

He sounded almost disappointed, and Amari was instantly sorry his first reaction was to giggle. That wasn't the kind of message he meant to send.

"No, I mean, it's big and difficult and permanent, but... I just didn't expect it. It's a relief."

"A relief?" Yangyang huffed a soft laugh at him. "That's not at all how I thought you would react."

Rolling sideways, he reached out to give the man a quick kiss on the cheek. "Sorry. I didn't mean to laugh. I was just glad, I guess? That it wasn't something else."

"I honestly didn't expect you to like kids." An arm slid under Amari's head and Yangyang let out a breath, releasing his own tension, and maybe a little embarrassment. "You always say you don't like people or relationships because they're burdensome... I just thought a kid would seem like even more of a burden."

"Well, first - you shouldn't call your son a burden. Even though I know you don't really think that." Amari poked the man in the side, teasing but still feeling the weight of that statement.

"Second – you could've just asked me. Kids're honest, curious, always excited about the smallest things..."

::Innocent and fragile,:: he thought, but it was best to keep that to himself.

"And kids don't let you down. It's the adults who're assholes."

Yangyang lifted his arm, the motion pulling Amari into his chest, and kissed him gently on the forehead. "I'm happy I brought you, and I'm even happier that you like my son." He kissed him again, lingering a bit longer. "I really love you."

Amari wrapped his arms around the man's waist and squeezed out a timid, "Yeah, I love you too," then pushed away a little, the entire situation soaking in.

"I'm kinda mad at Ziggy now, though. He knew about this?" Yangyang grunted in response and he frowned. "Before I came, he said I didn't need to be worried. He should have said, 'Coudon, Yangyang, Amari likes kids, so you should just tell him, tsé?' What a waste of a month..."

The large arm shifted him closer again. "That might have been helpful, but I still would have panicked." Yangyang chuckled. "And I don't think it was a waste. I'm sorry that I kind of dumped you, but I'm not sorry that I was able to hear you sing and find out exactly how you felt about me. How you felt about this relationship."

Amari blushed at how open he had been the past month. And he knew the man brought him here because he needed to see an honest reaction. If he couldn't be convinced by Amari's words alone, he certainly wouldn't have trusted Ziggy.

"I think it was good for both of us," Yangyang continued. "To learn on our own. Maybe Ziggy is actually a relationship genius?"

The idea that his immature friend had any insight into love made Amari snort loudly. "Ziggy's complete shit at relationships. We're lucky that we're only sort of shit at it, and somehow managed to figure it out."

There was another chuckle and Yangyang moved to kiss him again, but Amari pushed back a little, finally remembering where they were.

"Uh, maybe we shouldn't be doing this right now? Also, I'm actually really hungry..."

The man let out his own small snort and lifted Amari up with him as he sat. "Of course. I need to show you around the kitchen anyway."

Yangyang gave him one quick hug from behind and the boy shooed him away as he opened the door and headed down the hall. After a quick tour of the small kitchen, he pulled up a chair next to Taitai.

"Can I join you?"

"Sure gēge!" Taitai reached out and put a couple of steamed buns in front of him. "Here. These are real good! Lao Wang makes 'em hisself."

He took a bite of the bun and sighed in satisfaction. He really was starving.

"Yeah," he mumbled between bites. "I went to Lao Wang's all the time when I lived around here."

"So, Xiao Li, you don't live here anymore?"

Amari just smiled. From the tone, he knew exactly where this conversation was headed, but he had his own Chinese mother-figure and was used to it. "I live in Brooklyn now, with a friend. He lets me room with him and I work in his club. Sometimes I help his sister out in her coffeehouse. She lives in the apartment below us."

"Ah? His club?"

Yangyang had shifted at the word, but Amari just blinked at him, gesturing for him to not interfere.

"Yeah, he runs a music club. He has live performers during the week, and formal shows and bigger bands on Fridays and Saturdays. Sunday he does an open mic and open band night." He continued to eat his baozi, absentmindedly stuffing his stomach. The food was too distracting for him to worry about his candor.

"Ah," said the woman, clearly not impressed. "What do you do there?"

"Not much, really. Just clean up, help move things, help with sound check, and then get the bands and other artists anything they might need."

"You're pretty young." He could tell what was coming next. "Have you thought about college? Is there something you would like to do?" She was at least more tactful than some other middle-aged women he knew.

"I never finished high school." He wasn't ashamed and for some reason wasn't nervous. "My mother died when I was young, and then I lost my father my freshman year. I stayed with my grandmother, but I'd just lost my sight and it was hard..."

Amari pushed his plate away, feeling full. "So, I dropped out and moved to the city. I don't really have any money, so going back to school'd be difficult."

There was silence, and he imagined if this was a cartoon, he would be able to hear the crickets chirping. He didn't know why, but he felt comfortable in this house, as if it was just an extension of Yangyang. Maybe it was the familiar smell, or just that Yangyang was there near him. Whatever had made him say all that, it wasn't the best first-impression to give. Thankfully, Taitai's lack of awareness saved him.

"Li gēge, you wanna 'nother one? There's two."

He smiled at the child and pat his shoulder. "No, I think this gēge's full. Why don't you eat them?"

"Okay!" The sounds of eager, open-mouth chewing next to him made him smirk.

"Well, you seem happy," said the woman, her line of questioning cut off. "Yinyi, go get us some tea." As her daughter went into the kitchen, Yangyang's mother changed the subject. "So, how did you two meet?"