Episode 48 - Family Music

"We met at the club where Xiao Li works." Yangyang jumped into the conversation, cheerfully answering his mother's question. "The owner is a friend, so we did our comeback show there."

"Comeback show." The woman mumbled it under her breath, clearly not pleased, but he ignored it.

"We went for a test run. Jie couldn't be there, so Xiao Li did vocals for us." Yangyang sounded almost proud, and Amari wondered what expression was showing on his face. His sister had said their mother was oblivious and he could only hope she was right, because to him, the tone of his voice alone gave him away.

"Ah, ma, you should hear Xiao Li sing!" Yinyi shouted from the kitchen, even though she was only a few steps away. "It's amazing!"

"Ah?"

"Would you like me to sing something, āyí?" He blushed at the compliment, but pointed back toward the living room anyway. "I noticed a piano in the corner. Yang ge could play."

"Yeah? That might be nice. I haven't heard Xiao Yang play in a while."

He frowned at Yangyang. "Really? You don't play piano at home?"

There was a small tug on his sleeve. "Ba says he works a lot and practizes, and he's tired at home." Taitai sounded a bit sad saying it and Amari leaned over, finding the child's head to pat it.

"That's too bad. Your ba's such a good piano player, you should make him play for you, even if he's tired." He felt the child nod enthusiastically under his hand before he turned back toward the father. "Taitai said he's learning how to play but it's hard. You should help him."

Yangyang just chuckled. "Yes, Xiao Li."

He stood, and Amari followed, sitting down on the edge of the piano bench. As the two women sat on the couch, he heard Taitai's footsteps rushing over.

"Gēge, can I sit on your lap?"

Amari smiled and nodded, scooping the child into his arms. He heard a quiet breath come from behind and Yangyang nudged him softly in the back.

"You've gotta be quiet and still while I'm singing though, okay?" He put a hand on the child's head, feeling him nod. "Okay."

"What do you want to sing?" asked Yangyang, random, soft melodies drifting from under his fingers while he waited.

Amari turned to the figures on the couch. "Āyí, I know a lot of Chinese songs. Are there any popular ones you like?"

"Who do you like?" she asked him in return, and he scratched his head in thought.

"There're too many..." He thought for another few moments. "I like JJ Lin and Escape Plan and G.E.M.... Oh, Zhang Jie... and Liang Bo, The Flowers, Khalil Fong..." With a shy smile, he scratched again. "There're too many." A song popped into this head and he sat up straighter. "Oh, I know one. How about Píngfán zhī lù? Ordinary Road, by Pu Shu?"

There was a grunt and a little of the intro played behind him, making him smile wide. He turned back toward the women. "If you know it, you should join in. It's better with a group."

The man started playing the first few bars on piano and Amari wrapped his arms around Taitai, pulling him further onto his lap.

It was one of his favorite songs, about a man who had wandered, been through darkness, and suffered misfortune, then realized that being ordinary was the only answer. That the darkness, too, was ordinary. That we just needed to keep going, taking each day as it came, without stressing over unreachable goals or possible tragedies. That ultimately, everyone followed the same road in life.

That's what it meant to him, anyway.

Amari waved his hands at the women and nudged Yangyang, encouraging them to join him at the second chorus, and the siblings came in singing back up.

"Āyí, you know the next part, right?" he asked, as Yangyang played the piano into the chanting bridge. "You should say it with us."

Lifting Taitai's hands in the air, clapping them during the chant, he couldn't hold back a grin as Yangyang's mother joined in, everyone except Taitai now singing along.

As the tempo finally slowed, he sang the last verse on his own, feeling light as he asked his audience where they were in their own lives. No matter how many times he sang it, the lyrics always comforted him.

Yinyi and Taitai clapped enthusiastically, and Amari heard Yangyang chuckle lightly from behind.

"See ma?" Yinyi said proudly, as if she could take credit for the boy's singing. "I told you he was good."

"It was beautiful." He beamed at the compliment, never happier than now to hear someone say that. "You have a lovely voice. There is something about it... Well, I don't know how to say it. I don't know music like my children. But it was very nice. How do you know that song?"

"Oh? It's pretty famous, isn't it?" Amari felt like he had heard it often, but his world was small. "The lyrics speak to you. It would've been better with guitar and drums, though." He smiled at the woman. "I'm glad everyone sang. That was nice."

Yangyang shifted behind him, putting a palm secretly on his back. "Xiao Li always sing what he feels. Maybe that's why his voice really touches you."

Amari's cheeks warmed at both the words and the touch, and Taitai stood on his lap, only inches from his face. "Li gēge, that was soooo good. You're real good at singing."

"Oh yeah?" He held the child out a little by the waist so he wasn't so close. "Better than your gūmà?"

"Ēn!"

Yinyi groaned, jumping up to grab the child and threatening to tickle him out of anger. As she played, chasing him around the room and ignoring her mother's pleas to stay calm, Yangyang gently rubbed Amari's back.

"Do you want to sing some more?" he asked softly from behind.

"Okay." Amari scratched at his head. "Do you know Escape Plan's The Brightest Star in the Night Sky?" Yangyang played a little of the song and he nodded. "Yeah."

"I love that song, but it should be played on a guitar. Hold on a second." He left and headed down the hall, returning with two guitars, handing one to Amari. "Wèi, jie, play with us. Yèkōng zhōng zuì liàng de xīng. I'll play piano."

Yinyi stopped racing after Taitai and came over to take the guitar. "Alright. Xiao Li, you take the melody?"

Amari nodded and tuned as Yangyang sat back down on the piano bench, then he felt a tug on his sweater. "Gēge, you're gonna sing again?" The child sounding a bit dejected that a guitar was covering his lap.

"Yeah, but I'm gonna play too, so you'll need sit with your nǎinai, okay?" There was a soft "Ēn" as Taitai shuffled over to his grandmother. "Ready?"

He and Yinyi strummed the short introduction on their acoustic guitars and he began singing, his voice and the chords echoing through the small apartment. With Yangyang coming in on the piano, the room was filled with music, and Amari quickly swallowed the knot rising in his throat. Though it was a simple thing, the sound was warm and comforting, and the feeling it gave him was indescribable, because he had never felt anything like it before.

His chest tightened as the three played the short musical bridge, and he closed his eyes, letting his head hang. This wasn't the first time they had made music together, but it had never sounded like this. He tried to empty his mind of any thoughts, focusing only on the lyrics.

Plucking the last few notes, he kept his head low, and Yinyi let out a joyful whoop. "Next time we play, Xiao Yang should play violin. It would sound so much better with violin."

"Yeah," Yangyang agreed, but Amari stayed silent. The man pat his back and leaned around to look at him. Hearing a sniff, he pulled at the boy's shoulder. "Lili, are you alright?"

"Uh, yeah." Quickly wiping a tear with his sleeve, he cleared his throat. "Sorry. I just... I'm just gonna go to the bathroom for a second."

Thankfully, he remembered the way and the layout, shutting the door behind him. Feeling for the faucet, he splashed cold water onto his face, then propped himself up over the sink.

::Jesus, Amari. What the hell is wrong with you? You've lost your fucking mind.::

He took a deep breath, then let it out slowly, drying his face and composing himself before walking back down the hall.

"Are you alright?" Yangyang was there waiting for him and placed a hand on his arm.

Gently moving the touch away, he nodded and headed back into the living room, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment.

"Sorry. I got a little too lost in the song, I guess."

Yinyi jumped up to give him a hug. It wasn't a complete lie, but it wasn't really the truth either. The truth was more humiliating, so he thought he should keep that to himself. A pair of little arms wrapped around his thigh and he looked down at the small shadow.

"You're sad gēge?"

He bent down and put a hand on the child's head. "Nope. I'm really happy." Smiling softly at Taitai, he added, "People cry when they're happy too, right?"

The child nodded under his hand. "It's good you're not sad."

"Thanks for worrying, though. You're very kind, just like your ba."

"Maybe we've stressed Xiao Li out enough for one day," Yangyang said playfully, though Amari could hear the concern in his voice. "Come on. I'll walk with you to the station."

There was a soft tug on Amari's sweater. "Gēge, you're leaving?" asked Taitai quietly, and he nodded. "You'll come back, right?"

"Of course." He crouched down again, taking the child's hand. "I'm gonna visit you a lot, if that's okay."

"Yeah!" the child exclaimed, making Amari smile again, then he rushed over to Yangyang and jumped into his arms.

"Ba's going to walk Li gēge to the subway, then I'll be back, yeah?"

Taitai gave him an affirmative "Ēn" and Yangyang chuckled, setting his son down. Pulling Amari to the doorway, he grabbed his coat as Amari felt the mat for his shoes. Suddenly there were shadows around him, the Li family all gathered to say goodbye.

"Xièxie, āyí, for letting me visit." He gave her a short bow to show his thanks. "You've got a really beautiful family."

"You're always welcome, Xiao Li." The woman's voice was warm and motherly, and Amari felt the knot rise back up his throat. "I can see why my children like you so much."