Episode 50 - Bitterness and Sweets

Nicky dropped his bag by the door and pulled Ziggy's hand, bringing him into his arms and giving him a long kiss.

"Leaving again?" Amari asked with a frown, a piece of toast bouncing between his lips as he spoke. Ziggy gave him a light punch in the shoulder but said nothing, heading to the bathroom to shower. "I'll walk out with you. I need to see Cate about something anyway."

He grabbed his coat, eating the rest of the toast in one bite, and followed Nicky through the door. Once they were on the street, Amari put his hand on the man's shoulder. "Let's talk for a minute."

"Oh?" The man sounded playful, feigning innocence.

"How long're you gonna play this game?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Nicky said sweetly, but Amari could hear the arrogance underneath.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. You're living the life in your fancy brownstone, with a rich wife taking care of you, and Ziggy here to be your plaything when you're bored. But Zig's getting a shitty fucking deal."

"And how is that any of your business, kid?" The man was close to him now, his voice more serious. "Ziggy is more than twice your age, and I'm not forcing him into anything."

Amari sneered at the man, pushing him out of his face. "That's a fucking load of shit and you know it." Anger boiled up in him until he felt hot. "Ziggy loves you, and you're using that to get what you want. It's fucking sick."

"Tsk tsk. Such a dirty mouth. You really are just a punk kid." Nicky backed up and grabbed his bag. "It isn't your decision, so I guess you'll just have to deal with it."

"Fuck off," said Amari in a low, menacing voice. "Don't underestimate me, asshole. You hurt Ziggy, I'll fucking hurt you."

Nicky just chuckled and waved his arm high in the air. "Later kid."

As the man headed off down the sidewalk, Amari slammed a fist into the brick behind him. "Fuck," he said in a low growl, rubbing his knuckles. "Stupid piece-of-shit."

He really hated that man, more than he had ever hated anyone in his life. Which was saying a lot, since he had known plenty of terrible people. But all of those people only messed with him, and Nicky messed with Ziggy. It felt different. He wanted nothing more than to drag the man into an alley and beat the shit out of him as a warning - a poetic tribute to his past self - and then send him on his way.

Ziggy would kill him for it though, so it wasn't an option. It was at least nice to imagine. The second option was to convince Ziggy he was sleeping with trash, but months of trying had proven useless. Amari believed that deep down, Ziggy knew exactly who Nicky was. He was just too lonely to let him go.

That left only a third option - to find someone better and set him up. It sounded great in his head, but in reality, it was almost impossible. It wasn't like he knew many people. What would he do? Create a profile on a dating app? It could read, 'Lanky, middle-aged French-Canadian, looking for hot, kinky sex and a stable, loving, and committed relationship, in that order. All genders welcome.' It would be the same group he used to bring home, only more, and potentially crazier.

With a sigh, he headed into the coffeehouse, taking a seat at a table by the window. Fucked up birds of a feather, he thought, wishing Ziggy could have even the tiniest bit of self-esteem and realize he was a great guy who deserved real love. He sighed again, knowing he wouldn't be the one to solve this, and pulled out his phone.

'Does Taitai like sweets?'

The response was almost instant.

'Yeah.'

Amari smiled, that single word making him feel better.

'I don't think you really work. How do you always answer so fast?'

Again, he received a quick response.

'You're more important that anything I'm doing at work.'

'Jesus. So cringey.'

'Why did you ask?'

'I'm at Cate's and was gonna grab something. You don't like sweet stuff, so I thought I should ask.'

'He isn't picky.'

'Okay. I'll bring something then.'

'Ok.'

Amari went to lay his head on the table, but was startled by a hand on his back. He jumped and heard a light giggle behind him. "Shit. Cate, you scared me."

A warm cup of coffee was placed into his hands.

"Sorry mon chou. You were talking to someone, so I didn't want to interrupt."

"Oh, sorry." Cate took a seat across from him as he spoke. "I was just asking Yang ge a question. What do you have today? I wanted to take something to rehearsal."

"Taking sweets to the kid, hein?" She giggled at Amari's flushed cheeks. "I heard from Ziggy. C'est tiguidou! I'm glad everything is cleared up."

"It was kinda silly, wasn't it?" he asked, still remembering the anxiety he had that day. "I thought it was gonna be something huge, but it's just a son. He could've told me that."

Cate took Amari's hand in hers, petting him gently. "Mon chou, that's a pretty big deal to most people, tsé? Finding out the person you're dating has a child. Especially for young people."

"Really? Why?" He didn't understand how that could be a bad thing.

The woman giggled again. "It changes your relationship from simply dating to something very serious. It means that you automatically become a parent if you continue. Not just a parent, a step-parent, tsé? That's a frightening thing for people." She pat his hand and leaned back. "It's also frightening for a single-father like Yangyang. If the relationship doesn't work, he isn't the only one who gets hurt."

"Oh." He scratched his head in embarrassment. What Cate said hadn't even crossed his mind. "Shit. Now I feel bad."

"Quoi? Pourquoi?"

Amari buried his head in his arms, thinking of his reaction to Taitai.

"Because I'm a terrible person," he mumbled into his sleeve. "I giggled like crazy that his big secret's a kid. I didn't think it was that big, but it obviously was to him." He lifted his head in panic. "Maybe he thinks I'm not serious?"

"At this point, I don't think he would ever believe that." Cate stood, pushing the chair back. "Maybe that was the best reaction, hein? If you are not worried, it might put him at ease."

Walking over to pat him on the back, she added, "I guess you'll just have to work extra hard to show him that you're sincere, tsé?" Amari nodded. "I'll go pack you a bag."