Episode 63 - Visiting Family

Dirty-blond bangs hung down into Ziggy's face and white-speckled scruff tickled Taitai as he kissed him, getting a giggle in reply. Ziggy's blue eyes sparkled at the sound. "You smell like chocolate, tsé?"

"Āyí had cookies. Chocat chip, tsé?" Taitai poked at the single, dangling earring, entranced by the tiny, silver stars shaking on their chain. He had recently taken to repeating Ziggy's Quebecois slang. He didn't know what any of it meant, but saying the words made him beam with pride.

With a light chuckle, Ziggy pulled him further onto his lap. "Oui, of course she did." Yangyang took the seat across from them, huffing at his sugar-loving son. "Salut là, mon autre chéri. Have a good visit?"

"Yeah. Short." Two large cups were delivered to the table - an Americano for Ziggy and a pumpkin latte for him. He popped the top off to let the steam escape and couldn't help taking a quick sniff, smiling at the aroma. "We ran a little behind this morning, so we didn't have time to stay and chat."

"That isn't too sweet?" asked Ziggy, bouncing Taitai gently on his knee. "I thought you didn't like sweet things, hein?"

Yangyang shrugged and took a sip. "It's grown on me." After a few more sips, the warm spices bringing back warm memories, he handed over the pottery bag. "Here. A gift. Zhang āyí gave it to me, but I don't have anywhere to put it. You can keep it, or give it to Cate." Pointing a finger toward Taitai, he added, "Think of it as a thank you, for being a great aunt and uncle."

"Aww, look at you, being all sentimental." Ziggy set the bag down next to his chair, his grin dimming slightly. He took a few of his own sips, clearly reminiscing over his own memories, then sighed them away. "Antèka, I did my rounds, but no signs of him. Aujourd'hui, there aren't very good buskers in the subways. Not like there were years ago." He scratched his scruff, knitting his brow. "I'm not sure why I bother. If he doesn't want to be found, he isn't going to go anywhere we would look, tsé?"

"Yeah, but it's like a habit now," Yangyang replied absentmindedly and his friend nodded in agreement. "I actually still send him messages, even though I know he doesn't read them. Fewer drunken ones these days."

A tap on the table brought his focus back and Ziggy smirked. "Do you remember the video of you and Minwoo? You were complètement wasted at karaoke singing... Oh, que chantiez-vous?"

"We were singing True Love. Pink." His face flushed a bit. "I didn't send that one, though. That was Minwoo."

"Oui, oui!" Ziggy's phone was already out of his pocket, his fingers scrolling quickly through his messages. "Because he sent it to me too."

A video began playing, Yangyang's voice loudly slurring through the speakers, and Ziggy kept the phone just beyond reach of his half-hearted attempt to stop it.

"Ah, these lyrics fit so well, hein? That kid really is a loveable asshole."

Ziggy laughed at the tiny Minwoo on the screen, leaping forward each time he belted out the backup vocals. Yangyang's cheeks were red from the liquor and partway through, he tilted his head back and shut his eyes, drunkenly invested in the song. His voice kept catching on the words, losing to the power of emotion and alcohol as Minwoo danced around him.

Eyes fixated on his father and Minwoo hyung singing and dancing in the karaoke room, Taitai giggled in delight. The high-pitched sound made Ziggy laugh more, but Yangyang only groaned, hiding his face with his hands.

"You're embarrassed, but I think this is adorable, hein?" Ziggy looked down sweetly at the video, kissing Taitai on the head. "Your ba c'est cute, oui?"

Taitai's head bobbed, repeating "c'est cute" and hitting replay to watch again. Ziggy snorted out another laugh and hugged Taitai's little body tight. "Ah, this kid est tiguidou. Really the best. I love him."

"Not one of my better songs," Yangyang admitted, finally uncovering his face, the tips of his ears still warm. "It did help though. Singing what I wanted to say. I don't sound like him, but it's freeing... At least while the music is playing."

Ziggy's amusement faded and he frowned as he stared into his cup, swirling the remaining coffee around. "Punk kid always was pretty wise, hein? Il est stupide, but somehow still wise." He shifted Taitai down and Yangyang reached out to lift his son onto his lap. "What was the last message you sent him?"

"Last night's open mic."

The mood turned somber, and after gulping down the rest of his latte, Yangyang pushed the cup away. Without a reply, Ziggy finished his own drink, grabbing Yangyang's cup and stacking it in his.

"Antèka, time for me to head out. Nicky is waiting, and I told Cate I would take her shopping." Ziggy took his time crossing the café to throw away the cups, then strolled back and gave Taitai a little high five. Turning to Yangyang, his blue eyes connected and shined. "I'm not sure he deserves you, but Scotty was really lucky to meet you, tsé?"

"Same."

Ziggy flashed Yangyang a sweet smile and waved at Taitai. Without a look back, leisurely swinging his pottery bag, he headed out the door. Yangyang sat quietly for a few moments, hugging his son closer, then let out a small sigh.

"Ba's hungry. Let's go grab some lunch, yeah?"

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Leaning up against the vertical pole as the train rumbled along the tracks, Taitai's grip tight around his arm, Yangyang's mind wandered through the past month. He hadn't realized it earlier, but he really didn't have many friends. Not loyal ones like Amari.

There was his sister and his bandmates, but otherwise, his friends were more like acquaintances. There was always someone to drink with, or someone to play guitar with, but no one he would cry in front of. No one he was excited to share important secrets or life moments with. Before his big reveal on stage, he hadn't even told any of them he had a son.

Yet Amari, with his seemingly harsh personality and no real family, was surrounded by warm, caring people who were more than friends. People who became family. It made sense. He wasn't sociable, or even approachable, and he didn't need a drinking buddy or a person to hang out with. To him, those relationships were superficial and not worth the effort. Most left at the first sign of apathy, and the ones who pushed him were pushed back, but the few people he didn't frighten away, who knew the real Amari, were attracted like a magnet and stuck forever. None of them were the same, coming from all different walks of life, but all were genuinely good. Yangyang knew his sister was right, that he should be furious, but deep down he only hoped he was one of those people too and Amari would come back to him.

He felt a hard tug at his sleeve and saw Taitai pointing up to the rolling digital display showing the next stop. "Is it that one? She said thirty-four."

"You're so smart," Yangyang said proudly, coming out of his daze.

He pat his son on the head, then grabbed his little hand as they exited the train. After walking a few blocks, a pink-haired teenager came racing toward them, waving his hand wildly above his head. Yangyang could only smirk at the image. It was straight out of a K-pop video – vibrant, mismatched patterns, far too many accessories, and skinny jeans that, if worn too long, could definitely impact the ability to produce children.

"Hyuuuuung!" Minwoo yelled in a high-pitched voice, scurrying up to them, panting. "Aigo, I thought I was gonna be late."

He paused to suck in a few deep breaths while Taitai swung the chain hanging from his waist, using the movement to create a rhythmic clinking.

"Minwoo... Do you have some side job I'm not aware of?" Yangyang scanned his hair and outfit, unable to keep a straight face. "What is this look? A bit extra, don't you think?"

Minwoo laughed at the poor use of his slang, a laugh that sounded exaggerated but was always genuine. "Mwo, hyung, you don't like it? This fit is fire!"

Raising an eyebrow, Yangyang silently scratched at his jaw.

"I have a friend who loves K-pop, and I let her dress me up."

"Ah. A friend. Al-gess-eo."

"Waaa... C'mon, hyung." Minwoo blushed a little but his carefree grin remained, and he reached down to lift Taitai into his arms, grunting at the weight. "Bruh, you're getting way too big for this."

Yangyang shook his head, eyes now squinted above a larger, teasing smile. "Maybe you're just way too small."

"It's genetic." He pouted, but Yangyang only chuckled in response. "We can't all be tall and ripped like you, hyung." Groaning as he shifted Taitai's weight in his arms, Minwoo quickly let the insult go and smiled brightly at the child resting on his hip. "So, my little tongsaeng, what's the vibe today? I'm thinking some Disney..."

"Minwoo, I'm going to take a quick walk," Yangyang interjected, before the two could start rambling back and forth. He ruffled his son's long hair. "Be good and go with Minwoo hyung, and ba will be up in a minute, alright?"

"'Kay, ba."

Not giving him a second thought, Taitai turned to Minwoo and instantly jumped into a detailed recounting of his day. Over the past few months, Minwoo had become his son's obsession, fitting him into any conversation and counting the days and hours until they could play together. And Minwoo hadn't shied away from inserting himself into the Li family's life. He was almost twenty, but his feelings and actions were as innocent as a child, and he barely understood the concept of embarrassment – a perfect match for the outgoing and excitable Taitai.

After watching the two disappear through the karaoke door, Yangyang wandered down the sidewalk. He passed the tofu takeout restaurant, a faint rumbling in his stomach at the familiar smells of soup broth and bulgogi, then crossed the street and turned back, his footsteps slowing at the H-mart, then stopping in the alley where he had found Amari so many months ago.

Pressing his back against a wall, he pulled out his phone, the picture of Amari and Taitai still open on the screen. After a short exhale, he navigated to a video of him singing at open mic night and hesitantly tapped to share it. He had lied to Ziggy earlier. It hadn't been sent yet, because out of all his messages and videos, for some reason this one made his stomach knot and his forehead break out into a cold sweat.

He wasn't the same as Amari. He was clingy, and had no issues spouting cheesy sentiment, but when it was time to face the difficult truths, that coward inside him crept to the surface. Last night, he had forced that coward down and as Amari always did, he sang what he truly wanted to say. It made him feel vulnerable, especially after three months without any contact. Moist eyes shined in the stage lights, his voice started tight and shaky, and for the first time, he couldn't make eye contact with his audience. He had given everything away, but a whisper in the back of his mind told him it had to be done. Now it was just finding that small amount of courage to actually hit send.

Taking a deep breath, he tapped the screen again, and the video was gone. A split-second anxiety attack followed, his lungs seizing as he realized he could never take it back, then he felt light. He didn't know if it would make a difference – maybe like everything else it would never be seen - but a heaviness had been lifted off his chest. It was only a single, small weight among many, but it was something. Needing it more than ever, he left the alley and headed to the noraebang to join the children in some loud, energetic, stress relief.