Episode 62 - Be Back 'Soon'

Shoving his phone in his pocket, Yangyang pushed by his sister, stepping over into Taitai's room. It was practically spotless – a wall covered in colorful bins of toys, organized and put away, a carpeted floor, clean and free of clutter, a well-made twin bed with empty end tables, everything put into drawers, and an open closet with clothes hung or folded. He couldn't stop himself from smiling at his strange, chore-loving son. Even the laundry basket was covered with a lid, neatly tucked away in the corner.

::This kid really is a weird one.::

He scanned the room for the child's backpack, easily spotting the bright colors next to the bed, then reached into his own room to grab his.

"Taitai," Yangyang called out as he headed down the hall to the kitchen. "Did you find the paper?"

His son met him next to the dining table, the list held high in the air. Setting his little backpack on the floor, he kneeled down, unzipping it so Taitai could stuff the paper in.

"Here. Put your arms through the straps. We'll put a jacket in there too, just in case." Grabbing a small, blue windbreaker from the hook near the door, he threw it in, then zipped everything closed and gave it a pat to let Taitai know he was finished.

"You're going out again?" His mother stepped out of the kitchen to look at them, but didn't sound particularly interested or concerned. "Be sure to call if you'll be late."

Yangyang nodded. His relationship with his mother had been strained for the last couple of months, but there wasn't anything he could do to fix it right now. The first month after Amari disappeared, he was upset, but he had convinced himself the boy would be back any day, and he managed to go on with life, a smile on his face. If his mother asked, he told her Amari had some things he needed to take care of and would be back soon.

When 'soon' turned into another month, the calm was gone. His anxiety took over and he panicked, rotating through emotions. He couldn't sleep well, kept awake by the thoughts racing through his head.

Sometimes it was worry - picturing Amari in an alley somewhere, beaten the way he had been before, but this time no one was around to find him.

Sometimes it was fear - thinking Amari had realized after leaving that he wasn't really in love, or that Yangyang had been a burden, or that the relationship had been too suffocating, and he was better on his own.

Sometimes it was loneliness - an empty feeling that a piece of him was missing and would never return. The certainty that he would never feel like a whole person again.

Sometimes it was anger - a resentment that this young kid had pulled him in so deeply, then simply thrown him away like he was nothing. There was a bitterness, thinking that he had said all of those things - about not being afraid, about supporting each other, about always being there - and then had just left both him and his son in an instant.

During this emotional time, his mother's questions turned to accusations in his mind.

::What's wrong with you? What did you do to drive that kid away?::

::How could you have been so foolish, getting involved with a punk musician?::

Finally, Yangyang lost that false composure, and every nasty thing he ever thought during his mother's incessant scolding came to the surface. She became his release - an excuse to vent all of his frustrations and worries - and she hadn't looked at him the same since.

By the third month, he realized he was being selfish, thinking this was only about him. Amari had left everyone behind and disappeared completely, not even contacting Ziggy. Yangyang had been the only one to receive any communication after that night. It was clear there was something much larger happening - something none of them could understand.

After his revelation, combined with sheer exhaustion, his rollercoaster of emotions ended in surrender and he was calm again. He apologized to his mother multiple times, but she brushed it off as if it meant nothing. Since then, they only talked when it was necessary. Still, Yangyang didn't feel like she was angry with him. Her tone was indifferent and her expressions were restrained, but there was a concern in her eyes. The sight of it only made him feel worse.

Yangyang threw his backpack over a shoulder and turned to his mother again. "We're also going to shop for Taitai's school supplies, so we may be back late. I'll let you know."

She didn't say anything, turning and heading back into the kitchen, back to whatever she had been doing or not doing. Yangyang grabbed his keys and Taitai's hand, and led him out the door, starting again the ritual he had been following for almost three months now.

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A little bell rang, hit by the opening door, and a petite, middle-aged, Chinese woman rushed out to greet Yangyang and Taitai. Her curly, grey hair was a bit wild and her brown eyes shone, and there were multiple wrinkles forming across her face, but they were laugh lines and creases at the corners of her eyes that only made her seem more cheerful.

"Is that Xiao Yang and Taitai?" she called, scurrying over to give the child a pat on the head. She was always smiling, and she gave Taitai a pinch on the cheek before reaching out to grab Yangyang by the arm. "Tiān a, I think you keep getting taller! I always have to crane my neck back just to look at your face."

"Āyí, do you have cookies today?" Taitai was practically drooling in anticipation, his eyes wide.

Laughing gently, she pulled a plate down from the counter. "Fresh this morning." Snatching two, Taitai ate away at them both, and she laughed again. "Tiān a, he really does eat just like Xiao Li."

She put the plate back and turned to Yangyang, gesturing for him to join her behind the register.

"I'm sorry, Xiao Yang, but we haven't heard anything from him. I doubt we would be the first people he would contact anyway." The corners of her mouth drooped slightly, but she was clearly accustomed to Amari coming and going.

"That's alright. I'm not really expecting anything." A cheerful expression was already back on her face and Yangyang gave her a warm smile in return. "I think I'm just so used to visiting each Monday, I do it out of habit." He chuckled lightly. "You and shūshu are close by. It isn't a difficult trip."

There were a few pieces of pottery sitting on the counter and he took one in his hands, turning it over as he looked. "Your pottery really is beautiful. This blue is so light and vibrant."

"Thank you dear." She pulled out a small bag and opened it. "It's yours. Our family makes them and ships them over, so we have plenty."

Yangyang shook his head, but she grabbed the little bowl, wrapping it in an old Chinese-language newspaper and putting it carefully into the bag. "I insist. We'll just pretend it's the old days and Xiao Li has accidently knocked it off a shelf." He smiled again and she laughed at the memory, placing the handles into his palm. "I hope you find him soon. That boy is broken, but so special. I remember when he came to visit us after so many months and you sent him that message. His face just lit up talking about you. He's never had any friends. Only that Ziggy, and he is more like a strange uncle."

He chuckled at the accurate description and her furrowed brow when mentioning 'that Ziggy.'

"You seem like a very good friend. Our Xiao Li is a bit wild, and he spooks easily, but relationships are important to him. He'll come back."

A small hand tugged at Yangyang's pant leg, Taitai's eyes fixed on the plate of cookies, and he handed his son another. "Last one, or you'll be sick."

Taitai shoved it in his mouth and Yangyang lifted him in one arm, holding the bag with the other.

"We should go. Unfortunately, we're running behind today, but I wanted to at least drop by and see you. Make sure to say hello to shūshu for me."

They exchanged their goodbyes and he carried Taitai back out to the street, heading down Canal to the subway station. During the months, he had realized that although their acquaintances often overlapped, making it seem like Amari knew a wide variety of people, he actually had very few connections. Even the places he visited regularly were limited, and after easily exhausting these, it was impossible to determine where he had gone. How could someone with nothing and no one just disappear? Where would he go?

Getting off the train at one of Amari's favorite busking spots, father and son headed to a nearby café. Immediately spotting Ziggy through the window, Taitai pointed and Yangyang put his wriggling body down so he could go meet him.

"Salut là, mon chéri," Ziggy greeted sweetly, lifting Taitai up and giving him a kiss on the cheek.