Episode 78 - Discovered

"We can't gather here without making Xiao Li sing," Yinyi called out enthusiastically from the stage. "Since it's my Xiao Yang's birthday, and we have plenty of musicians to spare, the rest of us will play. Special guests will be Ren and Ziggy." She giggled, adding, "Ah, and Zig will be singing back up with me. So, look forward to that."

Half the room laughed and Amari heard Ziggy groan next to him. His friend actually turned out to be a decent singer, when he tried. Prior to their rehearsal, he hadn't heard him sing outside of the apartment wearing anything more than a bathrobe.

"Okay, enough picking on the old man," said Amari with a smile. He turned to the mic and tapped out of habit. "Since we're all family here, I'm gonna say something personal. The reason I chose this song."

Amari cleared his throat and there was a loud cheer from Minwoo, making him chuckle.

"Only a year ago, I decided my life was set, and I thought I was okay with that. Really, I was afraid of trying to do more, because things rarely work out well for me." He scratched his head timidly. "But, with a little help, I realized I had great friends, a family, and things I still wanted to do.

"I think that's true for Yang ge too." His eyes began to burn, his throat tightening, and he took a quick breath. "Things haven't always worked out for you, but you're surrounded by family and still have infinite potential. So even though it's your birthday, and you're a year older, you've got plenty of time to do what you wanna do. You've just gotta take that first step."

He cleared his throat again, blinking any hint of tears dry. "That's more of a speech than I wanted. Sorry." Teasing "awws" drifted up from his audience, followed my Minwoo's "We love you, hyung!"

"Yeah, go ahead. Just be glad there's a small child here." With a smirk, he waved to the band to say he was ready.

Ben Platt didn't match his voice and Older wasn't his normal song style, but it said what he needed to say. He felt the music and made it his own, pulling from his soul to convey his emotions. For years, he had been closed off, either hoping for something that wouldn't come, or just waiting for nothing. But his life wasn't empty now, and he was done waiting.

The notes were loud and strained, and he shouted from deep inside, singing with the hope that Yangyang could let go of his own insecurities and let out the amazing person he was hiding. Being older didn't limit him. In many ways, it made him better, and shouldn't stop him from being who he wanted to be.

When the music ended, there was applause and some shouts from his makeshift family, and Amari bowed, taking a deep breath and smiling as he exhaled. He walked off stage and hung his head for a moment to compose himself.

A familiar smell - his favorite smell - made him lift his gaze to find Yangyang standing in front of him. Before he could say anything, arms were wrapped around his shoulders and he was held against Yangyang's warm chest.

"Happy birthday, my Yang ge," he purred sweetly. "Another year older, another year better."

He pulled back to smile at him, but the response he received was a deep kiss, pulled in tighter until the two couldn't get closer. Amari knew this feeling well and quickly turned his head.

"Yang ge, you're ma's out there-" His words cut off as Yangyang grabbed his hand and dragged him to an empty room, shutting the door behind them.

He was lifted onto a table, Yangyang bringing his legs around his waist and pressing their lips together. Amari reached out to tangle his fingers in Yangyang's hair, forcing him closer. Taking a breath, Yangyang moved to his neck and shoulder, and he giggled quietly.

"You're so easy," he whispered as Yangyang's lips brushed his skin. "Just a little song and you turn into this."

Yangyang grunted and used his tongue to stop Amari from speaking. They stayed that way for many seconds, minutes - Amari couldn't be sure - pausing only long enough to take short breaths as Yangyang's hand found its way under his shirt.

Suddenly, Amari heard footsteps and frantically tapped the shoulder in front of him. Then there was a voice, and both felt a wave of panic, but it was too late.

"Is it in here?" Yangyang's mother opened the door to the room and let out a gasp. Yangyang spun away, leaving Amari sitting on the table beside him, but there was no way she hadn't seen.

There was silence for what was probably only moments, but it felt like a lifetime to Amari.

"Ma, I can explain. I-" Yangyang swallowed the rest of his words, probably halted by some gesture. Amari slid off the table and shifted closer to him.

"You're going to explain this?" Instead of anger and surprise, her tone was sarcastic and a little distant. She stayed in the doorway, not moving into the room. "You're going to tell me you're something other than 'friends?'" The word came out unexpectedly sharp. "You must think I'm quite stupid. But, it wasn't important enough to mention. You never said anything, so I was waiting for you to end it. Tell me it was a fling, or that you were experimenting, getting it out of your system."

"Ma, that isn't what this is," Yangyang snapped back.

Putting a hand on his shoulder, Amari tried to keep him calm. In this situation, it would be better if he didn't speak at all. He took Yangyang's hand and stepped forward, instinctively protective.

"Āyí. I promise, we're very serious." He was greeted with silence and swallowed the knot rising in his throat. "I've heard a lot of people say similar things, 'you must be confused' or 'it's just a phase,' but I've never been more serious. We didn't tell you because we were afraid you might not accept it..."

She huffed and Amari suddenly realized how ridiculous that excuse must sound to her. "So, you were just going to do this in secret? Was that your plan? For how long? That doesn't seem very serious to me. And you. You just come and go. What kind of relationship is that?"

Amari heard Yangyang growl behind him and tightened his hold, squeezing his hand to stop him from saying something he might regret.

"It was selfish of me to leave," he agreed. It hurt to hear, but she wasn't wrong. Pulling out his phone, he navigated to a video, then handed it over. "If you've gotta be angry with me or doubt me, I'll take it. But please don't think your son's confused or just fooling around. He's been so torn over this, and it breaks my heart."

He pointed toward the phone in her hand, trying not to sound like he was begging, no matter how desperate he was to make this right. "Please, just watch that. I got this message the night I came back. It's the reason I came back."

"Xiao Li, you make me watch a lot of videos."

Amari thought he could hear a lightness in her tone and tilted his head in confusion. There was no way she was smiling or happy, but that couldn't have been anger either. She tapped the screen and Yangyang's voice began streaming out of the speakers.

"A Li. What are you doing?"

He didn't respond, rubbing Yangyang's arm gently to reassure him.

'You don't know this about me, but I'm actually a coward. I'm going to sing a song tonight that I should have sung months ago, for someone I truly care about, but fear stopped me from saying what I needed to say.'

The Yangyang in the video cleared his throat and tapped at the mic. Amari couldn't hold in a smile hearing him copy that simple habit.

'This is Grow As We Go, by Ben Platt. It's late, but better late than never, yeah?'

Another pause, then an acoustic guitar began lightly playing, followed by Yangyang's deep voice.

He didn't sing often, but his tone in this song was something Amari had never heard. There was fear, a desperate pleading for him to return and stay, but behind it was a confidence Yangyang didn't have before. He had many doubts, but he didn't hesitate when it came to being with Amari. Whatever happened from this point on, he was sure everything would be better if they were together.

Yangyang's voice started shaky, but as the song progressed, he grew calm, no longer afraid to genuinely express himself. The first time he listened, Amari felt like his heart would tear open. Hearing it standing by Yangyang's side, his chest warmed with his own confidence, his own certainty, and he could only smile.

The video ended and there was more uncomfortable silence until Amari heard a few footsteps outside the door. "Ah. I see you found out." Yinyi was standing behind her mother, sounding casual, as if nothing much was happening.

"Of course you knew about this," her mother grumbled, offended she was the only one left out. "How long have you known?"

Yinyi took in a breath. "Since his senior year of high school, I guess?" Amari saw her mother shift and Yinyi shifted back as well. "Ah. You meant this disgustingly beautiful love story? Last November, I think."

He sighed, frowning at Yinyi's description.

She obviously saw it, because she giggled, taking even this opportunity to tease. "What? Isn't that what it is? It's like you two are in one of those cheesy romance movies. It makes forever-single side-characters like me want to toss you both off a bridge."

"You know everything about this then?" Again, their mother's tone wasn't angry, but Amari couldn't pick out her emotions.

"Ziggy told me anything I didn't already know."

Amari felt his phone placed into his palm and the woman grabbed her daughter. "Then you're coming home with me. Now." Only briefly did she turn back, quickly adding, "We're taking Taitai with us. You can stay here."

Yangyang rushed forward, his hand pulling away from Amari's. "Ma, let's talk about this..."

"You do not want to talk to me, because right now, I don't want to talk to you." Yangyang froze. "I'll let you know when I'm ready."

The two women left, giving them no chance to say anything more. Yangyang didn't move, so Amari stuffed his phone into his pocket and walked over, circling his arms around Yangyang's waist and leaning on his broad back. It was wide and warm and comforting, and he sighed.

"She was gonna find out eventually," he pointed out gently. "It's our fault for waiting. All things considered, I thought it went pretty well."

"Pretty well? What part of that went pretty well?"

Amari huffed at his mix of panic and irritation. "When my dad found out, he beat me so hard my arm broke, and when my grandmother found out, she basically disowned me and told me I'd burn in hell."

He chuckled even though he knew Yangyang wouldn't find it funny, then shifted himself around so he could press against his chest, hugging him tightly.

"Listen. Your ma just walked in on her son making out with his friend. She already knew, she wasn't angry, and she didn't freak out. It could've been much worse. She's just upset and needs time to process."

Yangyang let out a long sigh and put his arms around Amari's shoulders, leaning down to rest his chin. "Yeah."

Amari rubbed his back for a few moments, then gave him a pat. "C'mon. Let's ditch this party. We can sneak out the back."

He felt Yangyang nod and detached himself enough to lead him down the hall and up the stairs to the street.