Episode 95 - Always Waking to You

"Yeah, okay. I can sing something."

There were a few claps and some excited chatter from the children. He had brought the Little Martin with him and pulled it out, quickly tuning it while he thought of what song to play.

Throwing the strap around his neck, he cleared his throat. "But, Li gēge wants to stretch his legs, so we're gonna walk around while we sing, okay?"

He smiled and started strumming 'Have It All' by Jason Mraz. From the game earlier, he had a good idea of the space he was in, so he had no issues wandering back and forth in the open field. Playing a little reggae rhythm, he began walking, his feet moving to the beat.

They wouldn't understand all the lyrics, but despite singing constantly with children, he didn't actually know many children's songs on the guitar. At least this was upbeat and cheerful with a good message. These kids were at a time in their life when they were full of potential, and though Amari knew it wasn't possible, he wished they really could have it all.

Swaying as he walked and bobbing his head to the rhythm, he could hear Taitai's little bells bouncing around him. Turning to walk backwards, he could make out a long shadow of children following him in a makeshift line and he grinned. They were well-trained kids but needed to loosen up a little.

Moving around more, he took larger steps, turning from forward to backward, and encouraged the kids to spread out and enjoy the music. Taitai had joined in on the 'have it all' chorus, singing the words he knew, and a few of his braver friends joined him.

He sang loudly with Taitai, proud of his new son and his confident, outgoing personality. He wondered if Yangyang had been this way as a child. The two were so similar on the outside, but Yangyang's friendly personality hid so many insecurities. He hoped Taitai would always stay free and open-minded, and not have to experience the same fears as his father.

When he was finished singing, he heard the little bells at his feet, and swung his guitar around so he could scoop Taitai into his arms. There were some little claps and excited chatter, and a few children asking him to play another song. Some called him mister or sir or Taitai's dad - the last one turning his smile into a wide grin. He crouched, Taitai still in his arms, and let out a soft giggle.

"You can just call me Li gēge, like Taitai." A few of the kids tried it out, awkward but adorable. "There you go. No need to be formal." He stood and walked over to Julie, the only taller figure on the field, and scratched at his head. "Sorry. I don't really know how to play many children's songs."

"No, they had fun. I think you'll be popular with Taitai's friends." She called for the kids to gather around. "Alright. Li gēge has to leave now, and we need to get back to class." There were groans all around and Julie huffed softly at their complaints. "Yes, yes, it's terrible. Can everyone thank him for coming to our show-and-tell?"

There was a round of loud thank you's, followed by some children asking if he would come back and when.

"I had a really good time with you guys, so I'd love to come back." He gave Taitai a quick kiss on the cheek and set him down. "If Miss Julie'll let me, of course."

"Certainly," she kindly agreed, always in her sweet, patient teacher's voice.

Taitai jingled off, then returned quickly with the kickball, handing it over. Amari said a quick goodbye to everyone with a little wave, then headed back into the school and out the front to catch a bus to the studio.

He didn't realize how exhausted he was until he sat, and now that everything was over, all the nerves he had pushed down came up to the surface. Releasing a heavy breath, he smiled, leaning his head on the bus window.

::That kid. Where'd he get all that self-confidence?::

He pulled out his phone and messaged Yangyang, even though he knew he was busy at work.

'Your son's amazing. Everything went well thanks to him.'

There was only a brief pause before a reply came through.

'He's your son too. A lot of that comes from you.'

Amari chuckled. He was always so soft, spitting out sweet things with ease.

'I'm going to the studio to finish some recording, so Minwoo's picking him up from school. I'll tell you everything later.'

'Okay. I love you.'

'Yeah, love you too.'

He stuffed his phone back into his pocket. The sun was bright through the window and in his nervous preparation, he had forgotten to bring his sunglasses, so he squinted, then just closed his eyes. The light pierced his head. After a couple of stops, the bus began to fill, and someone pushed in next to him. There was a brief apology and interaction, then Amari turned to stare out the window again, watching the blurs as they rushed by.

The person next to him pulled out a phone, moving it around, and suddenly there was a bright reflective flash in Amari's face. At first, it completely blinded him, then he saw only bright spots in his vision, darting from side to side. Less than a second later, his body stiffened and he shook, the convulsions so tiny and quick they were barely noticeable. His back and joints straightened uncontrollably, and the noises around him became muddled, drowned out by a low ringing in his ears.

He was trapped, unable to move, and though he could hear voices around him, the words came through as incoherent sounds. Without his sight, the only sense he had left to rely on was touch. His heart pounded in his chest, panic taking him as hands moved him from the seat, then tried to spread him out in a cramped space. At some point, he was moved again and finally his muscles relaxed. Keeping his eyes closed against any bright lights, exhaustion swallowed him and his head felt light and dizzy. Sounds around him seemed to become clearer, yet he still couldn't understand the words that were said.

He was moved once more, and after a little quiet and a cool liquid flowing into his arm, he let out a thankful breath and fell asleep.

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With a low groan, Amari slowly opened his eyes, blinking multiple times to adjust to the light. His body was sore and he was tired, but he felt better than before. In his mind were vague memories of waking, only briefly, but everything had been a blur of light and muddled noise.

Even still half asleep, it was obvious he was in a hospital, and from the quiet, he was in a room, not the ER. He sighed, then felt something large and warm shift next to him. Gaining all of his senses, the smell of sweet sweat and faint sandalwood drifted into his nose, and he turned in the bed to find Yangyang curled up, asleep at his side.

It was amazing the man had managed to fit his large frame onto the barely twin-sized hospital bed with him. A cheek was pressed against his shoulder, Yangyang's body curled tight into a fetal position, with his knees grasping at Amari's legs and feet barely touching his.

Amari reached out and gently stroked his head, moving long strands of hair from his face, and guilt rushed through him yet again. How many times was he going to find Yangyang waiting for him, or sleeping next to him, worn-out from worry? Would this horrible feeling it gave him ever truly go away?

All Amari could remember was that something happened on the bus and he ended up in the hospital. Who called him? How did he find out? How long was he missing before he knew?

Yangyang made a soft moaning sound and shifted again, then took in a breath, apparently waking and seeing Amari. He wrapped his arms tightly around Amari's thin waist and nuzzled against his neck.

"You're awake?" he asked, his voice muffled against Amari's cool skin.

"Yeah." His throat was dry and raspy, and he tried to clear it as he slipped an arm into the space below Yangyang's neck, using the other to rub the back of his shoulder. "How long've I been here?"

Yangyang groaned and leaned over him for a moment.

"Two days," he said, handing over a small cup of water, a straw hanging off the edge. Amari sipped it and Yangyang took it back, then rested his head back over Amari's arm. "They had some trouble getting the medication dosage right, so you've been in and out."

"I'm so tired," Amari breathed out, feeling drained just from this short conversation.

A kiss pressed into his neck and Yangyang tightened his grasp. "It's the meds. The dose is high right now, so it'll make you drowsy. It might be hard to concentrate."

He nodded and closed his eyes, moving his forehead to rest against Yangyang's.

"Mm... It's hard to think. And it's cold. I keep shivering."

Yangyang pulled him in as close as he could, pressing warm palms against his back and entangling their legs further together. "It's a side effect. It'll go away."

"What happened?" His voice was light, just a whisper now. He felt sleepy and his mind was cloudy.

Yangyang kissed him again. "The doctor will be around in a few hours. Go back to sleep, and I'll wake you up when he comes."

He hummed and obeyed, quickly drifting off, feeling better now that he was comfortable and warm.