Episode 96 - Are You Testing Me?

Amari woke to Yangyang sitting on the edge of his bed, holding his hand tightly, and another figure standing over them. He groaned, grabbing his head as he sat. His mind was clearer, but he still felt dizzy. Hooking an arm around Yangyang's, he rested on his large shoulder to steady himself.

"How are you feeling?" asked the stranger, with the low voice of an older man, and Amari assumed it was the doctor.

"Uh, a little dizzy." His throat was still hoarse and dry, and he cleared it as Yangyang handed him the plastic cup of water to sip. "I'm tired, like physically tired, but not as sleepy anymore." He paused, trying to read his body. "Oh, and the shivering seems to have stopped."

The doctor made a few noises as he thought and Amari heard him rustling papers and scribbling notes. "Good," he said a moment later. "It seems like this combination of medication is working for now."

"Uh, can someone tell me what happened now?" Now that he could feel and think again, he was confused and a little scared, like there was some big secret they didn't want him to know. "On the bus, there was a flash of light and then suddenly... I dunno. I couldn't move or hear or..."

Yangyang shifted his hands to wrap an arm around Amari's back.

"It appears you had a tonic-clonic, or grand mal seizure," the doctor explained, his tone clinical and detached. "It was over by the time you arrived in the ER, but you've had a few smaller, generalized seizures since then. We had to start you out on some heavy meds, so you've spent most of the time asleep."

"A seizure? Why would I suddenly have seizures? I was just sitting on the bus..." He didn't understand. Nothing different had happened. He'd had light flash in his eyes a million times before. Aside from a headache, it did nothing. "When I went to the hospital for a check-up last year, they told me everything looked fine."

"It's common after a traumatic brain injury for patients to have seizures," the doctor noted, still calm, as if none of this was a big deal. "I won't know until I see your old medical records, but my guess is you had at least one seizure right after the original injury. It is possible for them to stay dormant for years after, but since you've had one now, you'll most likely have more. The number of additional head injuries and concussions you've had the past few years probably didn't help."

Amari had difficulty processing what this stranger was telling him. He stared blankly down at the floor for a few moments, then felt wet drops fall onto his cheeks.

He really couldn't understand. That was eight years ago. How could he suddenly, just sitting on the bus, have this happen? And why would it continue?

::Is life not hard enough? Maybe I've been too happy... Maybe the universe hates me and this is my punishment... Are you fucking testing me? Let's see how much Amari can handle before he just fucking gives up?::

He barely heard the doctor say, "I'll give you some time. I've spoken to your partner here, so you can ask him questions when you're ready. I'll be back to talk about next steps."

Amari sobbed. The stranger's footsteps were faint against his heaving breaths and he pressed his wet face into Yangyang's shoulder. After carefully lifting him, Yangyang sat on the bed and brought him onto his lap. Wrapping arms and legs around him, Amari cried as Yangyang rubbed his back, making soothing noises. After a while, the sobs turned to whimpers and the heaving slowed to a few occasional sharp breaths.

"Fuck," Amari choked out, finally letting out a long exhale, the tears drying against his cheeks. "Really, what the fuck is this?"

Yangyang didn't say anything, continuing to rub his back, but stood with him still in his arms and reached for a tissue box. Sitting back down, he pulled a few out, handing them over.

With a sigh, Amari wiped his face, then attempted to wipe Yangyang's neck and shoulder.

A hand stopped him, Yangyang chuckling gently. "Thanks, but I don't think that's going to work."

"Fuck. Sorry." Amari sighed again and rested his head back against Yangyang. "We can talk now. But I'm gonna stay like this." He tightened his grip with his legs. "I like this."

"Then we'll stay like this." Amari ran his fingers through Yangyang's hair a few times before returning the hand to his back.

"So, what happened?" he started, then he swallowed a breath, asking the question he was really worried about. "How'd you find out?"

Amari felt another twinge of guilt as Yangyang shifted slightly under him. "Ziggy called me. Joe called me first, to say you hadn't shown up, but then Ziggy called me right after on his way to the hospital." Yangyang huffed. "Apparently, he's still listed as your emergency contact."

"Oh, yeah. Sorry. I never thought to change it."

Yangyang blew out another small breath, but continued with his explanation. "You had a seizure on the bus, pretty bad I guess, so the passengers called nine-one-one. Zig and I came to the ER, and he told them who I was so I could see you." That was followed with a low growl and Amari felt him tense a little. "Actually, I'm kind of pissed. If I was a frantic woman and said I was your fiancé, they would have let me right in."

Amari gave him a soft kiss on the neck and Yangyang exhaled the frustration. "Whatever. So, they put you on seizure meds, and took you for a CT scan and MRI. They were worried because you've had multiple head injuries and concussions."

He tightened his grasp around Amari's waist, and it was easy to imagine how scared he was waiting for those results. Amari swallowed hard, feeling like he could cry again.

"The doctor said 'with severe traumatic brain injuries, it's common to have progressive atrophy that affects memory, concentration, and other functions.' But, after eight years, your tests were all normal, so they don't think that'll be an issue."

Yangyang paused and Amari knew this was a difficult thing for him to talk about. It was probably harder for him to say than for Amari to hear.

"I can just ask the doctor when he comes back," he interrupted. "If you don't wanna talk about it anymore."

Yangyang kissed him on the cheek and took a final deep breath in, letting it out slowly.

"No, it's alright." His voice returned to steady and comforting. "There isn't much else to tell. You've had a few more seizures since the first one, short ones, and they've been in and out trying different medications. You woke up a few times, but weren't really lucid, just falling back asleep after a minute."

Amari was quiet for a few moments and then backed away, running his hands down Yangyang's arms and staring off over his shoulder. "You've been here the whole time?"

"Yeah. I had to let Joe know anyway. I called work and my instructors to let them know I had a family emergency."

More guilt.

"Taitai? He must be confused."

"He's alright. He understands what being sick means. I just told him you were sick in the hospital, and you'd have to spend some time here to get better." Yangyang unexpectedly chuckled. "His class made you a get well card. It's very cute, but he turned red when I reminded him you wouldn't be able to read it." The thought made Amari smile. "Then he just said 'Ba. You can just be his eyes, tsé? I can't even.' Little wise-ass."

Amari let out a breathy laugh and Yangyang hugged him tight for a moment, then let him lean back again. "He told me what happened at school. That you played a game and sang a song. And that some kid named Andy commented on our relationship and he put him in his place." Yangyang chuckled again. "Obviously, his explanation was long-winded and confusing, but that's what I got out of it."

"Yeah, he was pretty great. He just kept asking the kid 'why' over and over, until he had nothing else to say and all the other kids were annoyed. Smart one, your son."

Yangyang let out a light "Hah" and said, "He doesn't get that from me. The stubbornness, maybe. But I'm never blunt and confident like that." He kissed Amari on the forehead. "Do you want to lie back down? Are you tired?"

Amari shook his head. "I've slept for two days apparently." Shifting down off Yangyang's lap, he attempted to take a step but couldn't gain his balance. Yangyang grabbed his waist before he tumbled sideways.

"Dizziness and problems with balance are side effects of your meds." He turned Amari and sat him down on the bed. "You're probably not ready to be walking around yet."

Amari sighed in frustration but nodded. "You should go home." Yangyang stepped closer and Amari tilted his head up toward him. "Have you been eating? Have you showered? You should go home and see your son. In person, not over a screen."

Yangyang sat next to him and a cheek rested on his shoulder.

"I'm awake and okay now. You don't need to stay with me anymore."

"I'm not leaving until I hear from the doctor," Yangyang insisted in his usual stubborn, pouty tone. "I want to know what the plan is." He huffed and squeezed Amari's hand. "I also need you to sign power-of-attorney paperwork, so if something happens, I can be involved. I feel helpless like this. Fucking Ziggy has more rights than I do."

Amari smiled, petting his hair. "Okay. But then you go home."

"Yeah, alright." He wrapped an arm around Amari's waist, pulling him closer to his side.